👇🏻 --GOATS OVER YONDER: A SHORT STORY-- 👇🏻
--BY GOATSOVERYONDER CIRCA 2009--

A long time ago when the Earth was still new, the only land that existed was a giant mountain and the fields surrounding it. Way in the distance there were a bunch of goats. These goats wanted to be the rulers of this strange place, but didn’t know how to achieve their goal. One goat, who was by no means a scholar, suggested they get to the top of the mountain and therefor rule the world. A different goat noticed they were just plain old goats - not mountain goats - so they would have a very hard time mountain-goating to the top of that giant mountain. A third goat said nothing, because he was a goat of low standards and couldn't talk.

The goats from over yonder commenced their search for an easy way up the mountain, like a staircase or small path. Since the world just started, there was no such staircase or path. The goats had to either come up with a new brilliant plan or learn to mountain-goat. Since most of them are only goats of average intelligence, they couldn’t think of anything they could possibly do (except for one goat, who suggested inventing an AS350 B3 helicopter, an oil pump to collect petroleum, and a Merox unit to refine kerosene fuel - but the other goats thought he was crazy because of his hair) and so their only option was to mountain-goat. Obviously.

The goats from over yonder started jumping up the mountain in a serpentine pattern, as if they were in a Bethesda video-game trying to climb a vertical plane while riding a horse, and eventually make it to the very top. Because of this, the once average goats became professional mountain-goaters and can now easily mountain-goat up anything. To this day, they still silently rule the mountains. And everything else. The goats may not seem like much now, but that’s only because they don’t want anyone to find out they were the true first inhabitants of Earth and that they silently control the mountains and everything that happens on, around, and between them.