Recent reviews by Cunk Process

Considering the state the original PC port of Dead Space 1 is in right now, and just how that game was in general, Dead Space Remake takes a good game and makes it amazing.

I know a lot of people hold DS1 near and dear to their hearts, and it was a game I played and enjoyed on the 360 but never got around to finishing. The game was very much a first in a franchise, and suffered a lot from devs just throwing ♥♥♥♥ at the wall, with stuff like the meteor turret section. Now, with the improvements to the series gameplay as a whole, hardware, and general game design language of the modern age, Dead Space Remake shines as a worthy replacement to the original, having multiple clear ties to later games in the series.

Rather than a linear level structure, the USG Ishimura is now fully explorable. Doors now require security access rather than power nodes, meaning you don't have to decide between weapon or suit upgrades, or just a little bit of ammo and health. Every mechanic that's introduced gets used at least twice, even the asteroid turret section has a payoff now.

One of the better changes they made as well is giving Isaac a voice. I always found it odd that he was along for the job and never spoke a word to anyone throughout the entire experience. He's THE engineering guy, he's the expert. It always felt like he was just kind of being told what to do in the original because he happened to have the suit on, didn't feel like he was the expert he was supposed to be. Now, Isaac can voice his thoughts on the situations, other characters consult him for technical know-how. He's not quippy during gameplay, and otherwise completely silent, save for his grunts and screams, but during calls and meeting characters, he will actually say things, and I for one love this change.

This game just flows a lot better than the original in my opinion. The changes to progression are more practical and player-friendly. You're not blowing credits on weapons you may or may not use, you're finding them instead, the previously mentioned node rework, and better gameplay sections overall. The experience is smooth and rewarding, and overall preforms excellently.

And the devs are incredibly funny for shoehorning Isaac's old original model in as a cosmetic.

This game is a prime example of why we need a "maybe" button.

I was super excited for FFXVI. As an avid Devil May Cry and Final Fantasy fan, seeing the game go for a more proper character-action approach instead of an action-RPG hybrid was extremely intriguing. I couldn't wait to see what kind of crazy stuff you'd be able to pull off in combat, given what's possible in FFVII Remake, where with proper setup, you could negate the slow-motion menu scrolling to pull off some incredible stuff.

What I got is a combat system that functions, but quickly becomes stagnant a few hours in. If you play the demo, do not expect much beyond that. The progression in which you get new Eikons, which make up half of your avaliable moves, is extremely scattered and slow. They're fun to use, but the rate in which you get them makes combat get stale rather quickly. On top of that, it begins to grind to a slog if you're someone like me and played DMC3 and 4 on turbo mode exclusively. Your Eikon moves are on cooldowns that last way too long for the kind of game this wants to be, and you only have one basic combo, a thrust, and an aerial slam as simple inputs. The easy way around this is to download a mod that lowers the cooldowns to 3 seconds, which doesn't break the flow as much as you'd think. The challenge is still there, but the pace significantly improves, and I feel like I have just as much agency with Clive as I would with Dante or Nero.

The story is also a very mixed bag for me. The pacing is downright abysmal at times. Once a certain key character leaves the plot, the game gets bogged down with YoshiP's writing style of watching the main character do literally nothing for an hour. You'll get a big plot revelation during an incredible setpiece, and the screen fades to black, and Clive's in the market, and suddenly your quest marker is telling you to buy cheese. It flip-flops between mundane tasks and fetch quests to action setpieces and plotpoints on a whim. It works in FFXIV to an extent, because it's an MMO, fetch quests are par for the course. But when you're trying to be DMC and the linear portions of the game are where the best parts of it shine? I kind of don't need to see Clive doing his laundry.

The main character is interesting. The supporting cast ranges from okay to dull. Torgal's objectively the most interesting side character.

All in all, I really wanted to love FFXVI. While it's a game I can safely say I like, I didn't fall in love with it like I did other Final Fantasies. Some people might enjoy the XIV-ness of it, but if you're expecting a plot that gets going and doesn't stop, this isn't it. YoshiP's very start-stop in his storytelling.

I've played every Final Fantasy I've finished at least twice, but this is not one I foresee myself coming back to.

Gameplay leaves something to be desired that's easily fixable, the story feels like you hit a brick wall head-on once it starts to feel like it's going somewhere.

I won't say it's a bad game, but it's one you have to know what you're getting into.

Last game I remember playing, there was some southern guy screaming about how he wanted to kill vaccinated people into his McDonald's drive-thru mic.

It's edgy, it's mean, even when things are going right it feels weird and unclear. Just not a fun experience.

It's like Helldivers with none of the charm.

Come for the boobs, stay for the gameplay.

Kinda thought this was gonna be some half-baked action platformer with shoehorned multiplayer as a loose excuse for a totally-not-porn game, but the shmovement feels good, combat is a charming kind of jank, and I'm actually enjoying my time with it.

The real challenge of this game is taking a character creator that was made to make shortstack sluts and make silly little blorbos out of it.

I'm glad I got out before it got this bad.

this happened to my buddy zane

"Man, those were some Revelations, Jill... some... Resident Evil Revelations."
-Chris Redfield

There's no getting around it he kills people in this one

Horizon is a series that's ♥♥♥♥ on by people who clearly haven't played it. To a lot of people, it's simply another Sony game that has good graphics, a lot of cutscenes, and gameplay that amounts to holding forward on the thumbstick while characters walk and talk.

And while it does have some of that, people who actually play Horizon would find the fast paced combat, exploratory gameplay, and captivating lore of the world. Horizon is painfully slept on, cursed by Sony association. The gameplay isn't going to be for everyone, being an action RPG instead of a raw action game.

This is probably some of the best triple-A slop you can get your hands on, because it does have that heart that a lot of games lack. Even if it doesn't seem like it.

Crimson Heads are not a fun mechanic and I don't understand why everyone says they are.

The community is so adamant about them being good for some reason that nobody has modded them out.

Go play the original on GOG if you don't want to take 5 extra steps just to make a room safe.