You turn off your Nintendo Switch, eyes sore from peering at your Animal Crossing island all day, wishing that you could ass pummel its virtual furry inhabitants to satisfy whatever sick and disgusting fetish you acquired from practically spending your entire life behind a screen. In your arousal, you think about boning your wife, when you suddenly remember that you loaned her out to Jamal as per your open relationship. "Ah, no matter, I'll just play some League."

You pop open a bottle of Soylent (with a motorized bottle opener, of course) and get yourself comfortable on your DXRacer gaming chair.

Time passes, and you're eventually in champ select. You hover over all of the turbo safe artillery mages in the universe when you catch the enemy Kassadin blind pick out of the corner of your eye. Your entire body seizes due to your own incredulity regarding such a bold and brash pick. Once you regain your composure, your mouse cursor dashes seamlessly between Lucian's icon and the lock-in button. Without a second to spare, you've already assembled THE optimal Lucian Mid runes from u.gg. For all intents and purposes, you're ready to finally be a Chad.

Time passes, and you eventually find yourself in lane. However, when Kassadin actually shows up (running electrocute ignite, of course), you find your champion automatically shifting towards Kassadin. Turns out, the sheer mass of the enemy Kassadin's fat ♥♥♥♥ is enough to exert a gravitational pull. There is nothing you can do as your precious counter pick crosses the event horizon and is promptly eviscerated by Chaddadin's AA W AA combo.