This is it: the culmination of the venerable Barrelgrounds tradition that began with Bilbo Baggins, was preserved by Donkey Kong, was popularized by Dunkey, and culminated in Our capable hands. If you play this without Expanding Fronts, don't even talk to me. Don't even look at me. Don't even exist to me. In short, don't be dumb to me. If you're still playing this with the CD version bugs and no widescreen support, you will never be a Serious and Respected Gamer. This is it, this is the pinnacle. Video Games are Art, and Digital Sports were invented solely for this. You may talk of Counter-Strike and Dota, of Super Crate Box or LUFTRAUSERS as the best game of all time, but they were all of them dethroned -yes, even the famed Super Mario Bruddas 2- when the Barrelgrounds made their debut. And I, I am the Barrelmaker, the one who made the Barrelgrounds literal, and then put barrels upon those barrels. Therefore ignore that foolish statistic up above, in actuality I have MILLIONS of hours on this title going back MILLENNIA. You followin' me? This game's so good, I've been playin' it before it even EXISTED. This game has the exclusive and unmatched distinction of being wanted by me before I even knew it was possible. The only thing that could ever dethrone this would be if it was this exact thing (Expanding Fronts included, dum-dum) but Warhammer 40,000. (No, Dawn of War does not count.) Well, 'tis to dream the impossible dream -and if you say it's not the best game evah made, then you da worst guy evah made.

A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand!

Rise up, gamers! Henceforth you shall be known as Barrelriders! Tonight, we roll in the Barrelgrounds like a Bantha! Ponds for da fishies! Barrels for the Barrelgrounds! Let the galaxy ROLL!

===[☺ Audience:]===
☑ Children
☑ Gamers
☑ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☑ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☑ Masterpiece [The colours are VERY beautiful, the most you can do on a set of 256 colour palettes. This is art.]
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☑ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☑ Having eyes [This game would run on the Antikythera Mechanism!]
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☑ Just leave it running
☑ EZPZ 🍋✊[Computer Classic's not too bright]
☑ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty [Computer cheats on higher difficulties]
☑ A true challenge [Computer has been much improved]
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours)
☑ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☑ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☑ Memorable
☑ Epic (I am now counting user-generated Content, including mine!)

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☑ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☑ Deus Vult (With Mandalorian addons, sure!)

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☑ Clean enough for surgery (Let's be real; any problems you face with this will have more to do with backwards compatibility.)

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☑ Mod friendly (As easy as ticking boxes in Advanced Genie Editor!)
☑ Singleplayer
☑ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting
☑ Imperial Approval [ALL MY APPROVAL.]

This is it: the culmination of the venerable Barrelgrounds tradition that began with Bilbo Baggins, was preserved by Donkey Kong, was popularized by Dunkey, and culminated in Our capable hands. If you play this without Expanding Fronts, don't even talk to me. Don't even look at me. Don't even exist to me. In short, don't be dumb to me. If you're still playing this with the CD version bugs and no widescreen support, you will never be a Serious and Respected Gamer. This is it, this is the pinnacle. Video Games are Art, and Digital Sports were invented solely for this. You may talk of Counter-Strike and Dota, of Super Crate Box or LUFTRAUSERS as the best game of all time, but they were all of them dethroned -yes, even the famed Super Mario Bruddas 2- when the Barrelgrounds made their debut. And I, I am the Barrelmaker, the one who made the Barrelgrounds literal, and then put barrels upon those barrels. Therefore ignore that foolish statistic up above, in actuality I have MILLIONS of hours on this title going back MILLENNIA. You followin' me? This game's so good, I've been playin' it before it even EXISTED. This game has the exclusive and unmatched distinction of being wanted by me before I even knew it was possible. The only thing that could ever dethrone this would be if it was this exact thing (Expanding Fronts included, dum-dum) but Warhammer 40,000. (No, Dawn of War does not count.) Well, 'tis to dream the impossible dream -and if you say it's not the best game evah made, then you da worst guy evah made. A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand! Rise up, gamers! Henceforth you shall be known as Barrelriders! Tonight, we roll in the Barrelgrounds like a Bantha! Ponds for da fishies! Barrels for the Barrelgrounds! Let the galaxy ROLL! ===[☺ Audience:]=== ☑ Children ☑ Gamers ☑ Everyone ☑ Casuals ☑ Professionals ☑ Heretics ☑ Crusaders ===[☼ Graphics:]=== ☐ Make your eyes bleed ☐ Sad ☐ Unremarkable ☐ Pretty ☐ Beautiful ☑ Masterpiece [The colours are VERY beautiful, the most you can do on a set of 256 colour palettes. This is art.] ☐ Indistinguishable from real life ===[$ Price/value:]=== ☐ Utterly worthless even on discount ☐ 90% off only ☐ Buy on sale ☐ A question of taste ☐ Okay choice ☐ A sound investment ☑ Well worth the weight ===[§ Requirements:]=== ☑ Having eyes [This game would run on the Antikythera Mechanism!] ☐ Corroded toaster ☐ Antique or better ☐ Competence ☐ Powerhouse ☐ NASA computer ☐ Multivac ===[† Difficulty:]=== ☑ Just leave it running ☑ EZPZ 🍋✊[Computer Classic's not too bright] ☑ Easy as 🥧 ☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☑ Stay frosty [Computer cheats on higher difficulties] ☑ A true challenge [Computer has been much improved] ☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it) ===[⌛ Game/run length]=== ☑ One shot (0-2 hours) ☑ Short (2-8 hours) ☐ Casual (8-12 hours) ☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours) ☐ Weary journey (18+ hours) ☑ Arcade (determined by you) ☑ A sound investment in your future ===[🔧 Game mechanics]=== ☐ Liquid chaos ☐ RNG-based ☐ Poorly designed ☐ Straightforward ☑ Nuanced ☐ Brilliant ☐ Genius ===[Ʊ Story] === ☐ You'll have to make one up ☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be ☐ Cheap fanfic ☐ Normal ☐ Exciting ☑ Memorable ☑ Epic (I am now counting user-generated Content, including mine!) ===[♬ Music] === ☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage ☐ Just turn it off ☐ Tolerable ☐ Good ☐ Most excellent ☑ IT'S A MASTERPIECE ☑ Deus Vult (With Mandalorian addons, sure!) ===[☣ Bugs]=== ☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW! ☐ Check your systems for invasion ☐ Crawling ☐ Unpolished ☐ Like clockwork ☐ Clean enough to eat on ☑ Clean enough for surgery (Let's be real; any problems you face with this will have more to do with backwards compatibility.) === [✠ Considerations]=== ☑ Mod friendly (As easy as ticking boxes in Advanced Genie Editor!) ☑ Singleplayer ☑ Multiplayer ☐ Local co-op ☑ Contains heresy ☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting ☑ Imperial Approval [ALL MY APPROVAL.]