Uncle Jerry is streaming Apex Legends on Twitch. He forgot his camera was on and spilled hot gravy on his shirtless chest.

Grandma just solo-d vancleef in the deadmines. ...she's only level 8.

i was singing opera during karaoke until someone threw an m&m into my mouth and i nearly choked. then i found out it was a peanut m&m and had to be taken to the hospital

I got locked in the freezer at taco bell for 78 hours. I survived on taco shells and frozen cheese sauce.

my shoe caught on fire at a dennys - i left them a review saying that i had a really lit breakfast stack of pancakes

You ever get too high and go to the movies to see the Dark Knight but accidentally sit down in the theater for 27 Dresses instead, but there's like 5 old ladies at the end of your row and you don't want to disturb them so you snake slither out the back but your shoe catches on one of the seats so you just leave it there?