"If you eat around the edges, you'll never get a full meal." These were the last words Ronald "Slick Trick" Slaverock said to me before he vanished into the shrouded forests of Vermont, IL. Ronald was a generous and amicable person in his life, an upstanding member of his vibrant community who gave sweets to little girls and helped out around the house. He gave abundant alms to the poor and needy and took the sick into his own home to heal them. Ronald was the light in the lives of those around him and his endeavors even earned him the Key to the Town. However, his outward-facing positivity and love for life seemed to conceal a deep dark and tragic pain in his heart. He was unsatisfied in Vermont and grew increasingly disillusioned with the world and Man's cruelty, until one day he decided that his only way forward was a life of nomadic solitude, surrounded by nature. The sprightly young man now wanders the dusty plains of Illinois, eating frogs and small insects, in search of peace..

Rick "♥♥♥♥" Braverock is a prolific gamer with over 25,000 hours in Elden Ring. He has held the #1 PVP rank in the game for over 3 years and shows no signs of stopping. He is also a supporter of alternative medicines such as Ayahuasca and over the course of his lifetime has smoked 15 pounds of weed. He has donated 3 million dollars to charity and has fundraised 5 million dollars towards other causes. He is a pillar of the community and I stand by him through to the end. God bless you, Mr. Braverock.

And now, a sermon from Richard "Braverock" Peter, a prolific LGBTQIA2+ ally and civil rights leader. "I believe in the non-binary God, whose pronouns are plural. I believe in Jesus Christ, their child who wore a fabulous tunic and had two dads and saw everyone as a sibling child of God. I believe in the rainbow Spirit, who shatters our image of one white light and refracts it into a rainbow of gorgeous diversity. I believe in the church of everyday saints, as numerous, creative, and resilient as patches on the AIDS quilt, whose feet are grounded in mud, and whose eyes gaze at the stars in wonder. I believe in the calling to each of us that love is love is love. So, beloved, let us love. I believe, glorious God. Help my unbelief. Amen." Thank you, Richard.

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