How very BOLD of you to assume I would simply accept your friend request. You must FIRST read these rules I made up so that I could feel more important than you, because god forbid I deny your request and you don't know the EXACT reason I denied it. I have to make these rules also because I want to feel like people like me, I want YOU to know that people LOVE me. People think I'm just SO COOL so I get SO MANY friend requests ALL THE TIME because of my massive coolness. Are you impressed? You should be. My ego needs CONSTANT STROKING because the internet has MADE ME A SELF IMPORTANT LOSER WHO CANNOT POSSIBLY GO A DAY WITHOUT WANTING TO MAKE MYSELF THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE. With that being said, let's get to the rules!

RULE 1: DO NOT FRIEND ME
Anyone who friends me will be SHOT AND KILLED by MANY HEAVILY ARMED MILITIA FIGHTERS

RULE 2: SUBSCRIBE TO MY ONLYFANS, FANSLY, ETC.
The internet has STARVED me from natural human connection, and as this problem progressed and became more EXTREME, the only way I'll ever feel satisfied is if I become the OBJECT OF SEXUAL DESIRE for many people. It gives me a feeling of CONTROL and POWER. Like maybe ONE DAY I won't have to live with the CONSTANT SOCIAL PRESSURE I put on MYSELF by living this LIFE.

RULE 3: YOU HAVE TO BE A GOONER
It's awesome

RULE 4: Be kind
When you are lying on your deathbed, should you even be granted such a peaceful death, will you be wishing you'd made more people angry on the internet? Will you TRULY wish you had less people to share that love deep inside you with. Will you be glad you pushed people away and rather than coming to a compromise, simply cut them out? People can change. There is more to life than screaming your ideas into others' faces and then turning your back. Maybe it doesn't feel as good to refrain from yelling, maybe other people really ARE just so stupid that you need to tell it to their face. But even so, what does this negativity do for you? But here's a better question, where does that negativity come from? Surely something as small as a disagreement could not possibly provoke such an explosive reaction from you. I think we both know that it comes from somewhere deeper inside of YOU. It's normal, and it's ok to have that in you, but it isn't ok to STAY that way. Work on yourself, work out your own problems. Better yourself. Thank you.

RULE 5: YOU HAVE TO BUY ME VIDEO GAMES
YOU HAVE TO BUY ME VIDEO GAMES ALL THE TIME STARTING NOW COME ON DUDE YOU'RE LATE BUY ME A GAME.