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Recent reviews by Harvest Enthusiast

Showing 1-5 of 5 entries
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
118.5 hrs on record (114.4 hrs at review time)
Lag simulator
Posted 30 June, 2019.
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644 people found this review helpful
1,935 people found this review funny
298.2 hrs on record (115.6 hrs at review time)
Excuse me? You wanted to know what Warband is like? Alright then, since you asked so nicely...
I'll start from the beginning...

00 Hours: You have just purchased M&B Warband. You launch the game, and begin a new campaign.
You get to decide the background story of your character - you're impressed.
05 Hours: You have a small army of loyal troops, and have cleansed the land of many a bandit.
You are already impressed with the sweet looking armor and weapons of your troops.
10 Hours: You have your own castle, a large army, and are well on the way to marrying a noble.
You have an army; the biggest and the best - clad in platemail and virtually unbeatable.
15 Hours: The time has come. You've mastered combat, and have decided to play Multiplayer.
You connect to a server... and behold, two naked men are jumping and swinging their great swords.

10/10 Realistic Nude Combat Simulator
Posted 28 February, 2015. Last edited 20 June, 2015.
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58 people found this review helpful
151 people found this review funny
83.9 hrs on record (67.6 hrs at review time)
A typical scenario every Civilization player will experience:

I, the great General Washington, led my courageous troupe of Yanks to victory after victory - our Muskets were far more advanced then anything our foes could muster!

Moments after wresting control of a pitiful city-state, I am alerted to the sudden appearance of a man - coated in war paint made of buffalo feces, clad in nothing more than a loincloth - who brandishes his bronze spear at me...

And proceeds to launch a barrage of nuclear missiles at New York.

10/10 I failed History Class because of this game
Posted 28 February, 2015. Last edited 20 June, 2015.
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1 person found this review helpful
3 people found this review funny
48.7 hrs on record (36.9 hrs at review time)
Have you ever asked yourself how many different ways there are to die in space?
And if you have, did you think of horrors such as...

Being beaten to death by a Mantis,
Slowly suffocating as the oxygen levels decrease,
Watching as a hull missile penetrates your body,
or Disintegrating from a bio-bomb?

FTL is a frustrating, rage inducing, space death simulator.
Prepare to helplessly watch a valiant space crew die over. And over. Again.

10/10 crew members dead.
Posted 28 February, 2015.
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3,000 people found this review helpful
1,164 people found this review funny
2
2,078.6 hrs on record (1,224.2 hrs at review time)
In Dota 2,

Not many people speak your language.
Not many people play well.
Not many people talk nicely.
Not many people work as a team.

But if you find people that do...
You'll have the most fun you've ever had.
Posted 8 February, 2015. Last edited 3 May, 2015.
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Showing 1-5 of 5 entries