Some people would probably look at Fire Pro Wrestling and see it as a cheap crap alternative floundering in the Internet's virtual bargain bin. But this is the real deal, the crème de la crème. This series has been around since before dinosaurs walked the Earth, and it's still one of the greatest game series ever. You think you've enjoyed creating your own characters? Think again. This game features one of the most in-depth creation features in any game, period. You not only get to create giant turquoise bears with anime girl faces, and make that bear the strongest (or weakest) character in the game, you also get to manipulate that character's CPU logic so that it constantly rubs its butt in its opponent's face.

One aspect that might turn people off to this game, though, is the fact that it's not necessarily action-oriented. The game has action, but you can't just mash buttons and constantly punch-kick your opponent to a bloody pulp. The game requires more finesse and psychology, much like an actual pro wrestling match, so in that sense it's a simulation. That doesn't mean the action isn't great, however, as the more you dig into each match you are able to pull off more moves, so if you get tired of rubbing your butt in someone's face you can smash them over the head with light tubes and hammers as the ring around you literally explodes from C-4 planted around the ring. Good fun for the whole family. In any case, the game gives these occurrences an extra sense of purpose than they would have had, becoming more than just a silly joke that's fun for about five seconds. It's actually engaging.

Even MMA fans can enjoy this game, actually, considering you can also fight in an octagon with custom MMA rules and even customize MMA fighters with some actually decent accuracy. The whole "match psychology" aspect in pro wrestling still applies, but I'll definitely take that over other MMA games I've played where I roundhouse kick my opponent in the head thirty times and they still don't bat an eye. At least it can lead to almost guaranteed excitement in an MMA match. There's a joke there somewhere.

I should revert back to the creating stuff features because you can create more than wrestlers. You can create virtually everything: stables, the ring, the belts, the refs, entire companies! You can build your own company and even book it. You can finally book everyone's favorite wrestler, Dirt Bike Kid, to be What Culture Pro Wrestling World Champion! "The boyhood dream has come true!" Can't create commentators, because there's no commentary, but would you rather have no commentary, or the commentators WWE has today? Hell, that's all I should've said in the first place, now that I think about it. "There are no WWE commentators, buy this game!" You also can't emulate backstage politics, so you can't run a Wrestlers' Court and can't make your wrestlers be bullied backstage by JBL. But that means you CAN make Triple H work Tuesdays whether he wants to or not, and he can't back-talk you from jobbing him out constantly.

But no, seriously, buy this game. It's thirty bucks. That sounds like a lot, but it's one of the best games on all of Steam and so it's actually a steal, such a steal you'll have to worry about Repo Man repossessing the game from you for ripping the developers off so hard. It's practically extortion. Instead, though, I will thank the developers for their sheer benevolence for keeping in mind that most people are not made of money. If people were made of money they wouldn't be sentient anyway, but whatever, what's important is the difference between, "Let's see, Fire Pro Wrestling or food?" and "Wow, I can afford both now, thanks developers!" And no, this game won't make you a huge nerd like me, making obscure wrestling references. But you can have a giant turquoise bear with an anime girl face rub its butt in Triple H's face in a barb-wire C-4 exploding death match with Repo Man as the special guest referee in a What Culture Pro Wrestling ring for the TNA Australian Heavyweight Championship without any WWE commentary. That's worth thirty bucks.