𝙏𝙊 𝘼𝙇𝙇 𝙈𝙔 𝙀𝙉𝙀𝙈𝙄𝙀𝙎: See you at the murder scene!
I'm never pregnant, but I always deliver!
I did 9 years in the military... you're welcome for my service.
I'm the sort of person who would wake up my family to tell them i'm going to sleep
HOW TO FIND OUT
𝙈𝙔 𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙋𝘼 - 𝙈𝙔 𝙄𝙉𝙎𝙋𝙄𝙍𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 -- 𝙍.𝙄.𝙋
𝙈𝙔 𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙋𝘼 DOING UBER
𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙘𝙡𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨!
𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙫𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙤 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙚. 𝘿𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝘿𝙊𝙓 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙤!
MY RECENT BIRTHDAY PARTY

"I don't know why people quote something I never said" - Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I TOLD MY WIFE ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE:
ME: *walks into the room*
"Honey, the climate is changing"
Wife: *screams*

"With no power, comes no responsibility." - Uncle Ben, Spiderman