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Knife and a fork.
I know, I know I used to be like you too. Thinking burgers you can't bite into are just dumb and useless and fork & a knife is always messy.
But, half-forced into it, I tried, tried and finally succeeded.
The key is to balance the burger, then stab it with something in the middle, there's usually a skewer for that.
You use that to keep the buns, the meat and the other large fillings aligned.
With the knife and the fork, work your way inwards from the rim of the burger. That way each bite is juicier than the previous, while you keep the burger balanced, eating from all sides.
When you just have a little left around the skewer, remove it and eat the remaining pieces as you wish