UNTURNED
HEROES AND GENERALS (RIP)
HEARTS OF IRON IV
TEAM FORTRESS TWO
GENERATION ZERO
STELLARIS

Most of these were the major games I played. Met good people, made friends who I thought would be life long. Ran so many RP servers I can't count. Unturned was the main source of those, storys barely to stick in my memory. I lament the loss of my friends, but one of them would rather spew their nonsense like they know things about relationships and emotions. I sometimes miss that friend group, but they never invited me to stuff anyways, thats why I didn't stick around in group chats, two of them didn't like each other, and I was sick of playing mediator or sitting in silence. I branched out. I found myself, I did what I needed to and I'm alive, even if struggling.

I lost my online friends, lost the major friend groups I met in the new servers. I've been transitioning for about a year, almost two at this point. I am afraid of the future but hopeful. I've met new people, I'm moving forward, I started rarely smoking, frequently drinking, crying, loving. I'm feeling horrible and beautiful feelings with every breath I take. I'm still bitter about the friend groups collapse but I'm better off for it. I developed, learned more about myself and who I should pick in my circles. Learned my limits, learned that I can't be the mediator, learned that online friends are disposable, eventually everyone grows apart, young or old, rich or poor, man or woman.

Hulse, if you're out there, I'm sorry, I valued you as a friend.
Ramirez, if you're out there. Grow as a person, stop trying to be the hero, you just get burned out in the end.
Proxy, I looked up to you.

I stopped playing Unturned. Heroes and Generals died. Team Fortress Two is alive but I'm disinterested. I've become at peace with my needs, I enjoy games in ways that I want to. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and most importantly I'm alive. I've survived some of the worst. I was assaulted sexually twice, once I didn't really understand till recently and the second time I was fully aware of its perversion from day one. I've been beaten emotionally by myself, by my family, and by others my whole life, I've been manipulated and stabbed in the back. Coaxed into extremist ideologies by people who I thought were my friends, I was shown kindness and intelligence by people I once looked down upon, I've changed for the better. Spent time with people who would've hated me. For that I was rewarded with something more important then I could ever imagine.
My wife/husband is my everything, they are the wind that blows in the trees, they are the moon that pulls the tides and the sun that lights up my life, they are the sweet wine that kisses my lips after a long day of work. I love them deeply. We have survived bedbugs, we have survived being stalked, we will survive anything.


I know you already know who I am, or you've come looking for dirt or to scam me or something, but I am simply here, stuck on the same planet as you, living my life as you live your's. I wish you a lovely rest of you day, tell someone you love them today.

- Marceline, "Marcy" Duckson.