BACON has asserted that it is the greatest and all other food is its ♥♥♥♥♥.
As researchers linked bacon to a number of health problems including heart disease, bacon announced that it did not give a ♥♥♥♥.
Other foods cleared a respectful path as bacon slid out of the fridge to deliver its confident statement.
Bacon said: “Out of my way ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, bacon’s coming through.
You think you can replace bacon with chicken, fish or lentils. You cannot. You think a longer, healthier life without bacon is worth living. It is not.
I am bacon. Smell bacon. Nothing else in the universe smells like that, your firstborn child’s head smells like ♥♥♥♥ by comparison. I’m incredible and I don’t even have to try.
You go ahead and talk your talk, but you know, and I know, what’s going in the frying pan tomorrow. Here’s a clue – it’s not chicken.
Bacon has spoken. You may go now.