How do you kill a blonde? Well there are many ways, but all of which are wrong because murder is illegal.

Ask me if i'm a Tree. Are you are Tree? No.

Why did the young boy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs. I know, I amputated your arms.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whethr his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer, The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Scenario: 2 astronauts kayaking in the sahara dessert Question: How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse Answer: Purple, because icecream has no bones.