Recent reviews by ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This game? THIS FOOKIN’ CANVAS OF INSANITY BRO...
What even is real anymore? Am I the brush or the bleeding masterpiece?

DAY 1: Boot it up, all peaceful-like, thinking I’m just gonna walk around a French dreamscape, maybe kiss a cloud, pick a flower, paint a nice little mountain with Bob Ross energy.
NAH. NOT TODAY, MON AMI.
First 10 seconds in and the SKY LITERALLY STARTS DELETING PEOPLE like it's got a vendetta against beautiful souls with deep backstories. Everyone’s standing around like “Ah yes, the Paintress has begun her divine purge,” and I’m just here in my dressing gown HOLDING A SWORD MADE OF MEMORIES and screaming internally.

ME: “Oi mate, where’s the tutorial?”
GAME: “You are the tutorial.”
ME: "Fock."

So me and this crew, right — this gang of beautifully broken legends, each one looking like they walked out of a French art school after surviving 12 existential crises and one wine-induced apocalypse — we’re off on some mission. No one explains fully what we’re doing, but it’s clear it involves TRAUMA, HOPE, and SLASHING THROUGH METAPHORS.

We enter our first surrealist battlefield and BAM! Gravity? Optional. Reality? Flexible. I’m dodging an angry statue with anxiety issues while my mate recites poetry mid-fight and heals me with his childhood memories.
Combat? 10/10. Feels like if Dark Souls did ballet with a loaded paint palette.

At one point, we’re exploring this dreamy-as-hell town where everything looks like it was designed by a drunk philosopher — and one of our team starts getting all moody, talking about the nature of death, fate, and breakfast cereal. I’m vibing. Then a GIANT CREATURE made of discarded dreams and regret charges us from nowhere and I literally yell IRL “NOT THE VASELINE DEMON AGAIN!”

We fight it. Win. Barely. My controller's sweating. I’m sweating. The game’s sweating.
Our squad doesn’t celebrate. They reflect. They process.
Me? I’m in the corner spinning in existential despair and joy.

Couple days later in-game and tensions are rising. Turns out, not everyone's being 100% honest. People got secrets, pain, love triangles, philosophical vendettas. I’m just trying to survive and maybe find a nice little corner of the world where I’m not being judged by a sentient brushstroke.

Then — not a spoiler, just a vibe — something BIG happens. Like, “oh FOCK me mate” levels of narrative revelation. Me jaw dropped so hard it dented the floor. The stakes go from “save the world” to “save yourself FROM yourself AND the world AND the concept of linear time.”

I ain’t even mad. I’m impressed. This game goes deep.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) This game is a literal slaughterhouse! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Forget "woke" storylines and "social messages" – this is pure, unadulterated, blood-soaked Space Marine carnage! ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)

Rip through hordes of xenos like tissue paper, level entire cities with your chainsword, and unleash hell on anything that moves. It's like Doom, but with even bigger chainswords and way more power armor! ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ

If you're craving a game that's just about blowing stuff up and looking cool while doing it, this is your jam! (งツ)ว

I'M STILL STANDING!

This is going to be an unpopular opinion to most of you I'm sure, but I just couldn't enjoy this game. I really REALLY want to like this Metro series, but this game feels like an absolute slog to get through. I never go into a game to pick it apart, I always want to find the enjoyable aspects and focus on that, however this was one game I simply couldn't do that for.

Please find the bad, good and overall below.

The Bad:
• Combat is clunky and repetitive.
• Horror aspect is extremely mild.
• Characters are bland.
• No interesting game mechanics.
• Gunplay feels extremely underwhelming.
• Lens flares and spotlights are overly disorientating.
• Voice Acting is terrible (at least the English Dub).
• NPC Dialogue is extremely boring.
• The game feels so slow (pace & movement).
• Mutant & Enemy Variance is lacking.

The Good:
• Atmosphere is pretty good.
• Ambience is decent.
• Game was super cheap on Steam Sale.

Overall:
The game doesn't know what it wants to be, a horror or an action fps. It's like it tried taking inspiration from Fallout, Half Life & F.E.A.R but fails to nail any of the overall USPs these games offer. In the end you just get a bland boring FPS with no soul which feels extremely aged (especially since my last game playthroughs were: The Last of us, Titanfall 2 and Wolfenstein: The Old Blood).

I know this game has a massive loyal following and fanbase and maybe it's similar for myself and the original Half-Life (1998) that this will forever be a gem for me as it holds so many fond memories and nostalgia, but sadly I just couldn't get into this Metro game. I will however give Last Light and Exodus a go.

Singleplayer Campaign Review: FRIGGIN AWESOME!
The campaign itself is around 5-7 hours depending on the difficulty you play, but it's honestly top tier from start to finish. The gunplay is some of the best I've encountered in any game. They nailed it. Also, once you get your titan, you feel like an absolute monster. BT is love, BT is life.

Since the latest patch, this actually runs pretty decently. However, if you're not running a high-end system - I'd recommend watching some optimisation guides on YT in order to get the best performance and visuals without seeing your FPS tank in certain areas.

This game is still an absolute masterpiece. If you've never played it before - it's a MUST PLAY.
However, if you played the original PS3/PS4 versions, I'd honestly recommend waiting until it goes on sale since it's essentially the same game, but with gameplay/visual improvements.

Honestly the game itself is not that bad, however the company who made it simply doesn't understand their audience anymore and the game has failed to progress as people would hope since it's initial release in 2016.

This is key Blizzard standard, have a game under your belt which has the potential to be massive, neglect it and let other companies re-invent it with more love, passion and dedication. Then wonder why your playerbase is disappointed and leaving your game? - That's modern Blizzard for you.

I won't go into too much detail on why Overwatch plummeted into the failure it is today, but I'll provide some bullet points that cover some of the highlights...

• New heroes introduced at an incredibly slow rate.
  
• Too much focus on the lore that it restricted the development of new heroes/maps.
  
• Promised PvE mode literally retracted after many players pre-ordered OW2 based on this main gameplay feature.
  
• Hero talent tree feature retracted.
  
• Forced it into e-sports and balanced heroes around the Overwatch League standard of gameplay.
  
• Screwed up game balance that some Heroes got temporarily deleted from the game due to f*ck ups.
  
• Rather than focusing on introducing new and fun heroes that suit a plethora of styles, developers focus/nerf and make existing heroes less fun to play to ensure balance it kept.
  
• MONETISATION, it's absolutely disgusting... $$$$
  
• An extremely overpriced and grindy Battlepass implemented.
  
• Selling PvE content as DLC..
  
• Removal of free loot boxes / free rewards. Everything seems to be behind a paywall now.
  
• Reducing teams to 5v5 resulting in team fights being very 'samey', lost the flow of the hectic fun that 6v6 used to provide.
  
• Literally removed maps that used to exist, so you actually get LESS content now.
  
• Player experience/levels, gone - hope you enjoyed grinding your heart out in OW1 for it to mean literally nothing.
  
• Looking for group feature removed.
  
• Medals & on-fire system, gone.
  
• End-Game Rating Cards, gone.
  
• New heroes are locked behind Battlepass, pay to unlock or grind your life away trying to reach level 45.

Despite all that Blizzard did for me, I hate you for what you have become.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Age of Empires II is simply one of the best RTS games ever created. FACT. the fact Microsoft still supports and develops new content for it regularly is simply amazing. It's a love-letter to all those who grew up with the AOE2 Franchise (and to those who learnt history from this game better than the level we did in School)...

Side-note:
WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOLO WOLOL

Free Weekend Review:

Game seems decent, nothing groundbreaking but a good play. The 'instances' or 'matchmaking' areas are pretty good, they feel like they get progressively more difficult as the game goes on. I've been playing with some random groups and overall it's nice.

I think this is likely one of those games I'd play through until the end, but I don't forsee me getting invested in the long-term. Either way, deffo pick this up on a big discount and play through it. Story is pretty generic but the gameplay and atmosphere feel really great, it's good eye-candy.

Overall, enjoyed the free weekend - I can understand the reviews that it gets repetitive, but honestly - most games do these days.

I've played this game for so long, and I still have no idea what I'm really doing... but it's great fun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I'm a 'hardcore only' player, since the early days of Diablo 2 in 2000, I also play Hardcore in PoE, however it's a very difficult experience compared to the Diablo series, so if you're like me - beware!

I started playing due to my love for Diablo 2, being disappointed with 3 and not having much faith in 4... oh and we don't even talk about the monstrosity that is 'Diablo immortal'... jeeeesus.

With that said, Diablo 2: Resurrected is fantastic. Blizza... I mean 'Vicarious Visions' did a fantastic job bringing that game into current generation, however it is still very much Diablo 2 which is a game from the year 2000, and Diablo 3 just doesn't cut it.

Path of Exile is the real 'Diablo 3' if you ask me, it's everything a Diablo player could want - the only thing I obviously miss is Deckard Cain (but who am I kidding, Blizzard decided to kill that character off in Diablo III anyway (spoiler alert kek)... Path of Exile is complex, takes some learning if you want to really push into the end-game scene, although if you're like me - you can just hop in, and experiment with lots of different skills and characters and try to have some fun.

The seasons are what really make this game amazing, along with the developers of course - they have a real passion to the game and the playerbase, they understand the flaws with other games (especially Blizzards xD) and they build upon their flaws to create an amazing 'true' sequel to the Diablo series which is what they originally set out to do.

Did they succeed in creating the 'what should of been' sequel to Diablo 2? 1000% yes yes and yes.

Great game, highly recommend it - make use of the community (Reddit, Discord and in-game) as they are fantastic, just beware of the trolls (but even they can be helpful after they've initially trolled you for a bit)

HOLY MOLY, 10 ZLOTY FOR THE MOST ADDICTIVE GAME EU.
No Joke, this game is super fun, super addictive and runs on a potato laptop!
GARLIC GARLIC GARLIC!
Nobody is going to even read this review so may as well say it; I would honestly consider kissing the left testicle of the developer(s) for this game, it's fantastic. THANKS PONCLE, YOU SILLY SEXY GOOSE YOU! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Please consider touching my tra la la, and I will touch your dong.