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I JUST HAD TO LET YOU KNOW A PERSON ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST, THIS ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 11 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK WON'T TURN OFF.

Wenn du genau um 4:20 Uhr morgens in die Spüle scheißt und 69 Mal „Amogus“ schreist, kommt eine geheimnisvolle Gestalt namens „Mama“, um dich zu verprügeln, und du wirst an einem Ort namens „Waisenhaus“ aufwachen

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⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⠈⣀⣹⣿⣿⣦⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⣇⢸⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⢻⣿⣿⢁⣿
⡿⠿⠄⠻⡖⢰⡆⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⡆⢹⠋⠁⠚⣿
⣷⡀⠲⣶⡇⢺⣷⡀⢀⡾⠿⣿⣷⣀⣀⣾⠇⣸⡿⠋⣰⣿
⣿⣿⢁⣦⣀⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠻⠟⢻⣿⣥⣀⣽⣷⡌⢻⣿
⣿⣿⣬⣭⣌⡙⠛⠿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠛⢛⣀⣬⣥⣤⣼⣿
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠐⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿

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⣿⡇⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⡧⠈⣀⣹⣿⣿⣦⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⡇⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⣿
⣿⣇⢸⣿⡿⠿⠿⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠟⠛⠛⢻⣿⣿⢁⣿
⡿⠿⠄⠻⡖⢰⡆⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⡆⢹⠋⠁⠚⣿
⣷⡀⠲⣶⡇⢺⣷⡀⢀⡾⠿⣿⣷⣀⣀⣾⠇⣸⡿⠋⣰⣿
⣿⣿⢁⣦⣀⣡⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠻⠟⢻⣿⣥⣀⣽⣷⡌⢻⣿
⣿⣿⣬⣭⣌⡙⠛⠿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⠛⢛⣀⣬⣥⣤⣼⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠒⢶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⡈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠐⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿