XD

Dearest friends, I speak to you today about my love for Grape flavored Koolaid. How I wish all substances but one were Grape Koolaid. The flow of Grape Koolaid from a plastic container is as the cry of the lonely swan. A thing of majestic grace, Grape Koolaid is surely trumped by no other. The pop of the toaster, informing me of the fully cooked status of my Pop Tart pales in comparison. Amen...

Dearest friends, again I poetically wax to you my love of Grape Koolaid. As it tumbles unto my glass, splashing on the ice, a Niagara Falls of Purple Drink fills the cavernous void of the glass; soon the void of my stomach shall be filled. For some, sitting by a fireplace is how to spend an evening, but not I. My evening would rather be spent with the result of 1 cup sugar, 2 quarts of water, and a content derived from the Heavens themselves.

This time is thrice that I scribe my love for Grape Koolaid unto you. A story has been told; the story of a young girl. Lonely and friendless was she, without a penny to her name. One day when she was walking to no particular place, she beheld an entirely new spectacle; Grape Koolaid. The sheer beauty of Grape Koolaid inspired the girl. Determined to overcome her situation, and down the glass of purply goodness, she studied hard. Shedding anything that might be a distraction, she fully committed herself to gaining the education needed to afford Grape Koolaid. As she wasted away studying, the only thoughts foreign to the material were of Grape Koolaid. As she lay dying, she could only imagine that Grape Koolaid awaited her wherever she may be.

Fourth and finally our tale continues, of the glory of Grape Koolaid. When I was but a boy, my name was mocked. Gay Gaybe, they mocked me with. I shunned their advances upon me. By rejecting their friendship, I was truly alone. Whence my daddy left me, I was drowning in despair; mama surely did not help me. Lost in my grief, I wandered. Arriving upon a Walmart, I headed inside, seeking salvation. The floor manager noticed my shambling, and approached me. I told him my woeful tale, and he listened. At the end of my tragic story, he directed me to Aisle 6, and told me what I would find there would make everything better. Arriving at the aisle, I saw a pack of Grape Koolaid. Purchasing the pack, I headed home. Upon making the Koolaid, I consumed the substance. Instantly revitalized, I swore allegiance to Grape Koolaid, and changed my name to Grabe to reflect this...

Friends, after much ado I have returned to continue my account of Grape Koolaid. The time is now, for we must act. As you know, Grape Koolaid is the substance of life itself, and we must respect it. However, a heinous act is in the makings. As scribed in the futhorc centuries ago, Walmart will no longer carry Grape Koolaid. At first, I thought it was a publicity stunt, but the letter indeed had verisimilitude. The vorfreude felt as I go to Walmart to buy Grape Koolaid has all but vanished. I call upon you, friends.