Is this really life? No! This isn't life! This isn't anything even representing life! But it's life for me! It's pretty pathetic, but it's all I got! I know what you're saying, "Oh, well, that's pretty sad," well, you know, yeah, it is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sad! I don't get to go out and hang with friends, I don't even have any friends! I have nobody to contribute anything to, I have nobody to talk to, or bounce things off of, or say, "Hey, what'd ya think of that," "well, I'll tell ya what I think of that," no, it's just me. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and moaning like I always do. (At this point, he starts talking more rapidly) And someone's saying, "well, that's a pretty sad existence." Well, yeah, it is a pretty sad existence... (Picks up the Scooby-Doo DVD) ...JUST SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT SCOOBY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DOO! (Throws down the DVD) I MEAN, FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING! I've never done anything to make someone's life better, or-or-or-or-or, gone to play a game with somebody- I'd LOVE to play a game with somebody! Wouldn't it be great? I mean, somebody's just like, "Hey, why don't you come over and play this game with us?" "What game?" "Parcheesi," I don't know what the ♥♥♥♥ people are playing, but you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice to be invited! I've never even gone out to a, a bar with somebody, hang with some friends, I've never gone to a, a strip club...okay, I've gone to a couple strip clubs...but I've never gone with anybody! I've never been there, and actually been like... (Makes a suggestive gesture) ...okay, not with people...but STILL, you know what?! It'd be nice! It'd be nice just ONE DAY to go somewhere! Or somebody's just having a good time, and somebody just says outta nowhere, "Hey, you know what? THAT guy was okay! Not great, but he was okay!" instead of, "Hey! Who was that little ♥♥♥♥-♥♥♥♥?!" Well, I'll tell you who that ♥♥♥♥-♥♥♥♥ is! HE'S THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC! HE REMEMBERS IT SO YOU DON'T ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HAVE TO! EVEN THOUGH, EVERY ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DAY HE EXISTS, HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO! HE WISHES HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, TO MAKE YOU WATCH AND GET YOU RATINGS, AND WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?! WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING BACK?! BECAUSE YOU'RE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SICK, AND I'M ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ STUPID! THAT'S THE WAY IT IS! AND IT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE! THERE IS NO CHANGE, THERE IS NO FUTURE! THERE IS NO PAST! THE PRESENT IS A JOKE, EVERYTHING IS HELL! MY LIFE IS HELL! THIS IS THE WORST THING A HUMAN BEING COULD EVER GO THROUGH!