The crowd roared as the final match of the CS2 Major Championship was about to begin. On one side stood Donk, the young prodigy, the undisputed king of precision and aggression. On the other side… was a teapot.

Not just any teapot—Hawk Tuah Teapot, a grumpy, chipped ceramic monstrosity with a scowling face painted on its side. It sat menacingly on the desk, its lid slightly ajar, steam puffing out like an angry dragon. Every few seconds, it spat a glob of hot tea onto the mousepad and growled, "Hawk Tuah!"

Round 1: The Spit Heard ‘Round the World
Donk smirked. This had to be a joke. Maybe some weird sponsorship stunt. But as soon as the match began, Hawk Tuah Teapot dominated.

Pistol Round: Donk peeked mid. SPLAT! A jet of scalding Earl Grey hit his screen. Blinded, he missed his shot. "Hawk Tuah!" The teapot headshotted him with a Deagle.

Eco Round: Donk bought a Scout. Hawk Tuah lobbed a tea bag like a flashbang, obscuring his vision. Another spit, another death. "Hawk. TUAH."

Full Buy: Donk, now sweating, pushed B site. The teapot rolled into a corner (yes, it could move), then spit a perfect arc of chamomile onto his keyboard. His WASD keys stuck. "Hawk Tuah, baby."

The Tilt Begins -
By halftime, Donk was 9-12. The crowd was in hysterics. Twitch chat exploded:

"BRO IS GETTING COOKED BY A KETTLE"
"DONK VS. DARJEELING"
"TEA DIFF"

Donk’s face was red. His teammates whispered, "Bro… it’s just a teapot."

Final Round: The Boiling Point
15-14. Match point. Donk took a deep breath. This was it. He peeked A Long—CLEAR. He checked corners—NOTHING. Then…

"HAWK TUAH!"

The teapot had somehow climbed onto the ceiling (don’t ask how) and dropped like a molotov, spitting a superheated jet of oolong directly into Donk’s eyes. He screamed, flailed, and sprayed his AK—hitting nothing.

Hawk Tuah Teapot landed gracefully (if a teapot can be graceful), spun 360 degrees, and no-scoped Donk through smoke.

"GAME. HAWK TUAH."

The crowd ERUPTED. Donk slammed his desk, his chair flying back. "HOW?! HOW DOES A TEAPOT HAVE BETTER MOVEMENT THAN ME?!" He ripped off his headset, pointing at the smug ceramic menace. "THIS IS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! THAT’S NOT EVEN A PERSON!"

Hawk Tuah Teapot simply burped, spat one last time onto Donk’s mouse, and said:

"Skill issue. Hawk Tuah."

And with that, the most toxic teapot in esports history lifted the trophy… by falling on it and breaking it.

Donk was never the same.

THE END.