Review Written As: Ephy's Game Time Fun Corner

We play games so you don't have to! Why would you want to play games? Games are dangerous!

(Names of characters have been redacted to protect their identities, families, and well being)

While playing this game, I felt a terrible sense of dread during the first few minutes, mostly while playing the tutorial. Now I'm not saying that THE GAME caused this, this is just a general feeling I got while playing it, unrelated. I got through the tutorial, having saved the █████████ with the help of ███████ and some weird lady who had just started her career as a clown make-up artist before being forcefully kidnapped by the XCOM organisation to work for them, for minimal pay might I add.

Following this, a wormhole opened up from my keyboard. Now, this may not have been the game's fault. My keyboard is a particularly dangerous and problematic model. I have had similar issues before with my previous keyboard of the same model, before having to get it replaced by Razer. Anyway, this wormhole then proceeded to suck in all of the electronics in my 3-story apartment building. I mean, I lost my phone, my vape pen with the "VapeNaysh" logo taped onto it, you know, that one band? The one that yells "GO GREEN VAPE NAYSH" in nearly all of their songs? Except for that one they did with Green Day, where they just sang it sadly, and in hushed tones.

Anyway, the hole closed, and I got to keep playing. I met ████, this cute little button that called herself an engineer. She didn't look much like any engineer I've seen. They all wear hard hats, and enamel pins that say "GO WEREBATS" on them, as is the custom. She did not have either of these things. But I just nodded along and pretended that what she said had some bearing on my decisions. Then I met "Tiger" "Teegan" █████, who struck me as very suspicious. However, the game (and I know it was definitely the game this time) shot a bolt of lighting directly through my wall and into my next door neighbor's house. Luckily, no one was hurt, but it just went to show: Games are dangerous.

If you're not afraid of bolts of lightning destroying your home and attacking your neighbors, I would definitely recommend this game! It has the perfect mix of RTS Action, stealth, and cooking* that makes this a great game to play at home. Alone. In the dark. Where no one can hear you scream.

This has been Ephy's Game Time Fun Corner!

"Are we ever going to get a trademark on that?" -Evan, head of sales

*There is no cooking in this game. -Sara, Department of Corrections.