This review happened long after the era of Uncle Fammis and his best friend Doemin filling the occupational role of 'Mummy' . I still had the The HP Pavilion 8615 and played it frequently, but Nana had long since passed and a lot of my siblings had disappeared or yet did still linger here, some even with children of their own. I was lucky enough to get to name two. A crooked little girl I called Pinda and a small headed boy I called Feeble Richard.
The new household-Mum was Doemins Piss-Witch friend, Aunty Dah-Bah-Rah, or Aunt D-Bah for short. She knew 'damp magics' and done her 'wet-work' all throughout the house, which stank. Her 'piss spells' were her main focus and it took a lot of trips to the shops for diet coke on our part to help keep her tummy cauldron bubbling. Every night she would soft squat in the doorway and gently moan into our bedrooms while wafting her Frumpus at us. I hated all of her smells and sounds.
She knew how to keep all the different types of Dads that came over in check tho. Which we were all very grateful for, as there was too many unemployed men here all the time making it hard to concentrate or sleep.
Aunt Dah-Bah-Rah also attracted better tier Dads as well. One of the petrol job Dads had a ciggy yellow ekbok 360 with the this orc kill game on there. He brought that around hoping it would keep all us kids busy while he tried to help ♥♥♥♥ Aunt D-Bah. It didn't work. I however was the only true gamer in the beef house and I played this Hobbitless game until I was sick and weak as I did with all new games.

Middle-earth™: Shadow of Mordor™
This games best mechanic by far is how there is no women. All the orcs are sons and uncles with different dads of their own and get to walk around everywhere.
I played this game for so many years but never finished it because I hate that things in my life ever come to an end when I love them.
You don't have to finish this game.
Tolkien would probably think this game was ♥♥♥♥ if he played it.
I fought through Mordor and never uncovered the truth of the spirit that compelled me to do so, which is not necessary.
I liked it at first.

I remember the time I took this game camping with me. It was pointless because there was no power or anything to play it on. We went to cousin Rats river shack which was situated by a stagnant dead tributary. It stank worse than Aunt D-Bahs 'spells' and all of her sick chooks.
Cousin Rat lived in the shack with his 'Uncle Mum' and lots of brothers and sisters plus their friends as well. It wasn't heaps fun but it was a nice getaway from the Beef House since we couldn't go to Nans anymore.
One night all the kids were making a fussy around the small ♥♥♥♥♥♥ fires while all the adults tried to smoke cigarettes and drink everything. Instead of getting in trouble like usual, two of the weekend dads decided to do something different, something other than hitting and yelling, they would teach us how to cook chocolate bears.
Needless to say we were all heaps excited and couldn't wait to learn how. We picked the healthiest ones of us to ride the horrible bikes to the servo about an hour or so away, as the weekend dads said we needed to steal heaps of packets of chocolate bears, but they also give us a fiver so we could buy a few and make it not look heaps suss.
We were also given hundreds of dollars to buy cigarettes for all the adults.
But, because Nan chose me to grow biggest long ago, I was unable to operate a bike and had to stay. My whole body is basically useless.
They were gone for so long and there was absolutely nothing to do. Some of the dads and mums got into fights with each other while others poured petrol on fires, both of which was met with raucous hooting and cheering.
By the time the ones that were sent came back with the cigarettes and bears the sun was coming up and most of the adults were asleep. We couldn't find the weekend dads that were going to teach us so we decided to figure it out for ourselves. As I was the eldest and biggest kid boy there at 22 I thought it should be me to try first. My idea was to keep the chocolate bears in your mouth and gum them so they got hot and wet and soft, essentially cooking them into a mushy bearish pudding.
Cousin Rats idea was to sit on piles of them like an egg clutch and get them to 'crush-melt' .
All us kids had so many ways to try and cook the bears.
Eventually one of the weekend dads woke up, he was sleeping under a car. We all sprinted at him screaming our ideas and showing him our various cooking methods.
We were all wrong.
He angrily snatched up a packet of chocolate bears, he then leaned into the car and pulled out one of the harry foils and began crushing the chocy bears in there. Once it was full he poured some yummy old pepsi in and quickly screwed it all up. He then put the balled up old harry foil full of old pepsi and crushed up biscuits into the ashes of a dying fire. He told us it would be ready in twelve minutes...
The end result was like burnt ovaltine.

When we got back from Cousin Rats I went to play Middle-earth™: Shadow of Mordor™ but when I opened the case it was full of red dry riverland dust and the disc was covered in scratches.
It wouldn't play anymore.

10/10