This user is a rare recipient of the Quadruple-Thumb Salute:

No one believes me, but I killed God.

I used to 🍆💦masturbate🍆💦 onto 🐦birds🐦 at a local park🌲🌳🌸. 🚫Not a thing that I’m particularly 😇proud of🚫 but I be💦CAME💦 quite ✅✅good at it. I was taking zinc 💊supplements💎💉 so I was shooting 💦💦💦massive loads💦💦💦 and it became something of a ⚽🎾⚾sport⛳🎳 to me. For anyone🙋🙏 interested😎 here is your best✅ strategy❌⭕.⃣first⃣, you need to find an 🌎isolated spot🌍 so you don’t become a 🔪🙅👶sex offender👶🍼🍼. I found👀 a ⬇short kind of ↕channel area😋😉 where I 👀saw the 🐦🐓

pigeons would 👪congregate. Next, you 😍😜😷arouse💦💦 🙋yourself. I was usually 😌😊content with envisioning👽👄👀 the occasional 👌🏃jogging 👭lady 💦💦coming💦💦 over and ✅✅taking a ♥♥♥♥™ 💩💩on my chest🙋 and that was ✅✔enough to 🔥💥🚗fuel the fire🔥🔥🔥 but if you’re 🚫not🚫 as ☺😇😉😜sexually 💡charged🍆⚡⚡ as 🙋me🙋 just take some 😻😝😘porn😜 on the 🏃go➡. After you’re ✔good✔ an 😍🌵horny😉, you get some 🍞bread. My 🐦pigeons🐓 preferred 🍞🍞white bread but 🍆👍💪healthier 🐥🐤birds🐣 might have a 👅taste👅💦 for 🍼🍭honey wheat🌿🌾 or maybe even 🔢multigrain🔢.

Fat, unhealthy😷 birds🐓🐦 are ❌slower and ✅easier to 💦hit💦 so remember✅✔ that. Once you are 👍seated👇 on the 🌳bench and ⚠ready⚠ to 😉😉do the deed😍😛, whip👊 your 🍆roosevelt🍆 out and scatter 🍞bread🍞 out within a few 👇feet of you. use your 😕judgement based✊👌 on how far↔ you know you can 💦♥♥♥💦. I was a lonely😢😥 and depraved😲😵 soul💫✨ who could 🔒hit targets💦🎯 the size of a 👌thimble at distances up to ⃣feet. You wait for the 🐦pigeons🐥 to begin ✊👌eating and to get ☺comfortable with 🙋your presence. At this point⏬, you want to 😉😯coo gently👅 and talk 👄sensually💋 to them to 🔒gain their ✅trust. Now you’re finally ready to 💦♥♥♥💦 on your 🐦bird.

This is a 💪tough part because the 🏃rapid motion💨 of 💦masturbation🍆 is very frightening😲😮 to the birds🐤🐦, so you have to be 🙅🙈subtle. Once you 👵master💯 a 🆗technique, you simply wind🔃 it up⬆ and let it ♻go🔛, ❌🎯aiming depending on your past 💦♥♥♥♥♥♥♥💦 experiences🍆. I always 💦came💦 🍁high🍃 so I would ⛳aim for the 🐣neck of the 🐦🐥bird and catch it right in the 😢😛face. It’s an ✅extremely 💯satisfying and 😍erotic feeling😜, 👀💀seeing those 🐥🐔birds reel🐬 around♻ covered in 💦♥♥♥💦 and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city🗼🗽🗾. ↕Either↔way I haven’t 🍌done it🍆 in 🕗years🕝 but every 🆗✔now and then I ✊✊catch myself🙋 gazing👀 wistfully😻 at a flock of 🐦🐤birds, 🍆🍌♥♥♥♥ 😩😍😋throbbing✊👌 and 🕑waiting for them to 🌎🌋land close🌍 to me🙋😌😝.