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78 of 89 (88%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:16pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:52pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:17pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:29pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:44pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 23 Oct, 2019 @ 1:40pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:25pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 6:23am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 8:55am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 7:49am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 9:39am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 2:53pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 23 Oct, 2019 @ 1:30pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 8 Sep, 2020 @ 9:06am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 8:08am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 8:36am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 6:13am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 2:06pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 8:20am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 8:49am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 6:01am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:40pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 8:29am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 9:42am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:41pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 5:01am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 8:00am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 7:54am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 7:33am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 7:21am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 3:01pm

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 23 Oct, 2019 @ 1:33pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 6:52am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:17pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 7:41am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:17pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 7:51am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 2:07pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 7:50am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:55pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 7:50am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:27pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:30pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 5:13am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 10:08am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:10pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 12:28pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 6:29am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 8:32am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 6:11am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 21 Dec, 2013 @ 6:22am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2013 @ 1:46pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 6:33am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 6:16am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 8:26am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 7:01am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 6:39am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 5:21am

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 19 Oct, 2019 @ 9:15am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 6:23am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 23 Oct, 2019 @ 1:33pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 24 Oct, 2019 @ 1:16pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 25 Oct, 2019 @ 7:44am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 2:27pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 9 Nov, 2019 @ 1:42pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 8 Sep, 2020 @ 9:53am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 24 Oct, 2019 @ 12:53pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 24 Oct, 2019 @ 3:09pm

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 24 Oct, 2019 @ 2:43pm

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 25 Oct, 2019 @ 8:12am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 9:33am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 2:25pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 25 Oct, 2019 @ 8:27am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 25 Oct, 2019 @ 8:39am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 24 Oct, 2019 @ 12:42pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 28 Oct, 2019 @ 9:21am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 18 Oct, 2019 @ 7:41am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 17 Oct, 2019 @ 8:49am



Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
0 / 30

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
+1

1 hidden achievement remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked