These are the commandments of the mighty Zancoth, the lord, your God.


1. At the age of your first erection, you are immediately sentenced to lose your virginity.

2. When sexual desires arise, you are immediately given a 15 year old Swedish to give you a "helping hand".

3. Reading is strictly forbidden. Even now, you're pushing it.

4. Drugs/Alcohol must be tried at least once. If not prefered, you may stop.

5. After death, you are given 100 perma-virgins for you pleasure.

6. Education is replaced with the internet, video games, and scoring with hotties.

7. No fat chicks.

8. Facebook is allowed, Myspace is frowned upon but still allowed, but Twitter is totally illegal.

9. You are required to download porn and viruses to any computer (internet cafe, school computers, etc.) at least once a week.

10. Every meal created MUST have a side of potato in any form (french fries, roasted, etc.)

11. Racism is a gift; please say it loudly and proudly.

12. You must Rick Roll yourself at least once a day to show humility.

13. If your penis is bigger than 6 inches, you die on spot, no exceptions. You must not be bigger than the mighty Zancoth.

Zancoth is both God and Satan.

EFG is Jesus.

The band "God Hand" is awesome.

Rick James is Judas.

Iglood is Peter.

Forsaken is Matthew.

Paris Hilton is the Virgin Mary.

And that, is the word of the Lord.

Amen.