pets = Emperor of the United States

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

nice pets: hihi
Frankophone: omg nice pets!! :D
nice pets: hi how are you




100% True Facts about pets:

- Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of pets' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

- pets owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get Out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

- On a high school math test, pets put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because pets solves all his problems with violence.

- Giraffes were created when pets uppercutted a horse.

- Bill Gates lives in constant fear that pets' PC will crash.

- A rogue squirrel once challenged pets to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, pets simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. pets knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that.

- pets was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a pussy would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelry."

- Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. pets can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

- pets built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, pets met all three bullets with his catface, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

- They once made a pets toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

- pets once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

- pets doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives.

- pets' sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.

- When pets was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know pets' foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.

Underground pets Hate Club (bomb them)