Gatorade me bitch!

Good to meet you. Don’t drink and drive! But if you do, call me!

What if this is like math? Or algebra? You know, you add a plus douchebag to a minus douchebag, then you get, like, zero douchebags.

You clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, guys. I am the danger. A guy opens a door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!

Sitting around, smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating do not constitute 'plans.'

You know what is okay to put in hot dogs? Huh? Pig lips and assholes. But I say, hey, have at it bitches ’cause I love hot dogs.

It was perfect! But no! You just had to blow it up! You, and your pride and your ego! You just had to be the man! If you’d known your place, we’d all be fine right now!

Well, you know how they say, 'It’s been a pleasure’?' It hasn’t.