Everyone is removed except for you, Jacob.

I'm sorry I've been absent for so long. These past few months have been hard for both of us, I'm sure. I don't have the balls to message you myself, so I'm posting this here on the off chance that maybe you'll see this one day. I miss you. My heart tells me I could never, ever message you because I highly doubt you'd want anything to do with me ever again.

I got angry, back in October. Angry at the world, everyone else, and myself. So I shut you out in a time when you needed someone there, and I shouldn't have. I've been fighting a lot of my demons over the last few months. I've been nothing but buried by guilt and hatred and plenty of other negative things. I let it get in my head that you didn't care about our friendship. Hell, that's really what it felt like to me sometimes. Like all that mattered was her. That everything we'd been through as friends didn't matter.

And with that, I got angry and cut you out of my life. I felt like our friendship didn't matter to you anymore because of what was happening. And everything I tried to do to help was wrong or just the typical thing to say, in your eyes. So coupled with my anger, I felt you didn't need me, felt that you needed me to leave for things to get better. I KNOW, you're probably thinking that it doesn't make sense. And you're right, it doesn't. They were totally irrational thoughts that made no sense at all, but at the time, I was upset and angry and hateful.

It literally haunts my dreams. I've had dreams for the last two weeks where you appear, angry for what happened, but willing to be friends again. I don't know if that's how you feel in the real world, but it's what my dreams tell me could happen.

I know you'll probably never see this. But I want you to know that I am sorry and that I miss our friendship. I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I failed as your friend. Regardless of whether or not you forgive me, regardless of whether or not you care, regardless of whether or not you want to try and be friends again, and regardless of whether or not you even see this, I just needed you to know that I am sorry for everything that happened. My door is open if you want to talk (including just to chew me out or execute me for being a monkey like Quan Chi).

Take care. I miss you, brother.

---Seth