Demoman

Lads! Warriors! DEMOMEN! As I look out at ye with me tear-stained eye, I see the BEST BLOODY CLASS on the battlefield! No other class can deny it. They cannot stand against us man to man. Oh no. So they wheedle and deceive their way into our confidence, just to drive a shovel straight into our great, trustin' Achilles bloody hearts.

THIS WEEK, lads, we have been granted the opportunity for revenge—against our crew-cutted betrayer, against Brutus Benedict Arnold Judas Bloody Iscariot himself: the SOLDIER! Every Soldier who dies by a Demoman’s hand will be noted in the annals of war. And at the END of this week, when the smoke clears and the dead are tallied, it will be the Demomen who emerge as the most LETHAL BLOODY KILLERS the Soldier’s ever made the great mistake of crossin'!

The Soldier may take our LIVES, mates. They may betray us and they may break our hearts. But they will never take our SATISFACTION. When WE are given an EXCLUSIVE, SECRET EXTRA WEAPON UNLOCK that could have gone to them. And when they look BACK on this week, they will wonder: “Could I have fought HARDER? Could I have killed MORE?” And the answer is: Yes, you bloody well could have. AND THE OUTCOME WOULD STILL BE THE BLOODY SAME.

To war, my loyal Demos! To blood and scotch and bombs! To the death of our betrayers and the sobbin' sound of their dyin' regrets! TO WARRRRRRR!