Star Wars Roleplay Group

Ho ho ho! Merry Life Day everyone! Vader Claus here, and I know this year has ultimately been pretty terrible in many many different ways. But hey we've made it to this special day, and with all the bad things going on at least we've gotten some decent star wars content to boot.
So shall we start our story?

Once again like he does during this time of year Vader Claus opens his book, to the small younglings in front of the fire place. And once again he would begin his story.

Every Vod down in Mandalore liked Life Day a lot
But the Mando, who lived on their moon did not.
The Mando hated Life Day, the whole Life Day season!
Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his helmet wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his jetpack was just too tight.
But I think that the mostly likely reason of all,
may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his helmet, he stood there on Life Day Eve, hating those Vod.
Staring down from his ship with a sour mando frown
At the warm lighted armors below in their town.
For he knew every Vod down in Mandalore beneath
Was busy now, hanging their beskar wreath.
"And they're hanging their holsters!" he snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Life Day! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his gloved fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Life Day from coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew...
...All the Vod girls and boys would wake bright and early.
They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise!
Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated!
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Vod, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Fruit Jelly, and rare Nerf roast beast.
Which was something the Mando couldn't stand in the least!
And then they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Vod down in Mandalore, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Life Day blasters firing.
They'd stand gauntlet in gauntlet.
And the vod would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Mando thought of this Vod Life day sing, the more the Mando thought
"I must stop this whole thing!
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop this Life Day from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Mando
Got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!"
The Mando laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Vader Claus helmet and a cloak.
And he chuckled, and clucked,
"What a great Mando trick!
"With this cloak and this helmet, I look just like that sith!"
"All I need is a tie fighter..."
The Mando looked around.
But, since tie fighters are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Mando...?
No! The Mando simply said,
"If I can't find a tie fighter, I'll make one instead!"
So he called down his ship, Razorcrest.
Then he took some old imperial
And put a blaster to his head
to make him type in a Tie's serial.
THEN
He loaded some bags
And some old Imperial codes
On a ramshakle ship
And he he put it in stealth mode
Then the Mando said, "OYA!"
And the ship started down
Toward the homes where the Vod lay a snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark.
Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Vod were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Mando Claus hissed.
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid downt he chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Vader could do it, then so could the Mando.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Vod holsters all hung in a row.
"These holsters," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slink, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
New guns! And Swoops!
Barskar plats! Drums!
Dejarik boards! Speeders!
Detonators! and plums!
And he stuffed them in bags.
Then the Mando, very numbly, stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley.
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Vod's feast!
He took the jelly fruit! He took the roast beast!
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a gleam.
Why, that Mando even took their last can of Caf beans!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Mando, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the Mando grabbed the tree, and he started to shove when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Vod!
Little Zoey Conners, who was not more than two.
The Mando had been caught by this time Vod daughter
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Mando and sad, "Vader Claus, why,
"Why are you taking our Life Day tree? Why?"
But, you know, that old Mando was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Vader Claus lied,
"there's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear.
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head.
And he got her a drink and sent her to bed.
And when Zoey Conners went to bed with her cup,
He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took
Was the log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then he did the same thing to the other Vod's houses.
Leaving crumbs much too small for the other Vod's mouses.
It was a quarter past dawn...
All the Vods having a kip,
All the vods still a snooze
When he packed up his ship
Packed it up with their presents!
The blasters! The Lasers
The Beskar! And the gadgets!
The plasters! The razors!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Concordia,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"Faw haw to the Vod" he was Mando-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Life Day is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"Then the Vod down in Mandalore will all cry BOO-HOO!
"That's a noise," grinned the Mando,
"that I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Mando put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the mines.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...
But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry! It coudln't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Mandalore!
The Mando popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Vod down in Mandalore, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Life Day from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Mando, with his armored feet ice cold in the show, stood puzzling and puzzling:
"How could it be so?"
"It came without Blasters! It came without Tags!
It came without armor, holsters, and Bags!
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Mando thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Life Day," he thought,
"doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Life Day...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?
Well in Mandalore they say that the Mando's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quiet so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back the toys!
And the food for the feast! And he...
...He himself...!
The Mando, no Bardan carved the Nerf beast!

Vader Claus closes his book and looking at everyone here, Merry Life Day to all, and have some wonderful fantastical cheer.

~ Vader Claus
(Merry Christmas everyone and any other holiday you may celebrate this lovely time of year)