Don't let the zombies make you starve

Top 5 Jerk Off Lotions

Vasaline - Something you might find lying around your house, convenient easy to use (May cause balanitis as its a petroleum-based product)
9/10
Dove Lotion - Pretty smooth almost use this on a day-to-day basis. Smooth, fast and efficient
9.5/10
Peanut Butter - Makes yo ♥♥♥♥ feel creamy and soft and jerking off with it is a pretty relaxing experience. Make sure to get the one without chunks as they might slip down your urethra
10/10
Razor Blades - This is for sigma males ONLY. It might mkae you circumcised if you aren't already idk
itsbleeding/10
Liquid Uranium - Uranium melts at 1100c so you're going to need to figure out how to get to that temperature, but other than that its a pretty fire experience, might give you superpowers or and extra ♥♥♥♥ or two
elephantsfoot/10

everytime i pull down my pants and see my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like a helicopter i go mad ♥♥♥♥ mode and execute a family publicly

I regret to inform you that I have made a grave mistake. I pushed my grandfather off the balcony after he did not laugh at the big chungus meme I showed him. I understand that his dementia was not an excuse and I take full responsibility for my actions. I am deeply sorry for the pain and suffering this has caused.

⡼⠉⠑⠢⣠⣀⣀⣀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠁⢳⡀⣠⠈⠁⠀⠈⠉⠉⠉⠙⠒⠲⠴⣶⠶⠖⠒⢻
⠀⠀⠀⠀⡏⠀⣸⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣸⣶⠲⠂⡸
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢧⡰⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣶⠃⠀⡰⠃
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠃⢀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣠⠞⠁
⠀⠀⠀⣏⠛⠠⡟⠉⠧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠳⣦⠀⠀⠀⢀⣧⡀
⠀⠀⠀⢱⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣙⣟⣰⠀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣯⠀ㅤ
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢤⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠞⠁ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒⠤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⠖⢒⡦⠒⠋⠁　
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠔⢉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀:⠠⢔⠊ㅤㅤㅤㅤ
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠒⢻⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠓⠒⢦⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢳⡀⠀⠀⢀⣠⠴⠚⠓⠛⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠳⣄⣹⠉

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠈⠉⠙⠻⣷⣄
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠇⠀⢀⣴⣶⡾⠿⠿⠿⢿⣿⣦⡀
⠀⠀⣀⣀⣸⡿⠀⠀⢸⣿⣇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣷⡀⠀
⠀⣾⡟⠛⣿⡇⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣤⣤⣤⣤⣶⣶⣿⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠀⠀
⢀⣿⠀⢀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⡏⠀⠀⠀⠀⢴⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣆
⢸⣿⠀⢸⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇⣀⣠⣴⣾⣮⣝⠿⠿⠿⣻⡟
⢸⣿⠀⠘⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠉⠀
⠸⣿⠀⠀⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠻⣷⣶⣿⠀⠀⠀⢠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣛⣛⣻⠉⠁⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣀⣀⣀⣼⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⡿⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⠛⠛⠛⠋⠁⠀⠙⠻⠿⠟⠋⠑⠛⠋⠀

pengwyn