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The Soup Empire Official, brough to you from the original creators of the Soup Empire. We strive to promote soup above all else, born in the ROR server.

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The Sacred Soupist Texts

1 June, 2018 - gumphrey | 2 Comments

Hello my fellow Soupists, followers of Palamire, praisers of the Magic Soup Bowl. After such a long-awaited time, the official Sacred Soupist Texts are ready to be unveiled. They were hidden by Palamire for many many many years, only when he thought it was ready would he post them. Now is our time, PRAISE THE MAGIC SOUP BOWL!

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Palamirians 1:1 The Magic Soup Bowl sayeth, and they shall follow, regardless of what the Magic Soup Bowl requests. He who defies this code is subject to excommunication and execution with the highest degree of pain.

Palamirians 1:2 Man was made to follow the Magic Soup Bowl, he, who gave omnipotence to the universe in it's entirety to bring to life the Soupists. Those who do not show godly graciousness for the world which they were given are heretics, and must be killed by whatever means necessary.

Palamirians 1:3 For the common Soupist to be fed, their belly must be full of soup and a mind deviod of anything but victory. Those who are slain in battle, friend or foe, must be assisted in the next transition to life: becoming the soup which our living comrades consume.

Palamirians 1:4 Anywhere which contains soup and any facility within 100 feet of that soup is a sacred place, and must be protected at all costs. Only in times of absolute victory should one go beyond the boundaries to slay the enemy. Failiure to obey this command is the highest form of sacrilage.

Palamirians 1:5 Soupists were made to die, as death provides a food source for those not yet worthy of transitioning. Those who cower in the face of death, those who lay down their arms, those who run when the enemy has the advantage; they are not real Soupists, they are cowardly traitors. You must kill them, even if it puts your own life on the line.

Palamirians 1:6 The Soup Empire is an independent, isolationist state, and it shall remain in the same area as best as humanly possible. The Soup Stand is the most important vessel of Soupism, and it must be respected with absolute impunity. Those who desecrate, insult, or threaten this holy area shall face war and death.

Palamirians 1:7 The Soup Empire is in no position to choose who is friend, that is up for the Magic Soup Bowl. Any Soupist leader who openly allies with another faction shall face immediate excommunication.

Palamirians 1:8 He who does not openly pray to The Magic Soup Bowl and Prophet Palamire on a daily basis does not truly appreciate the world which was bestowed upon his fleshy, mortal existence. If one Soupist becomes inactive in daily religious exercises, he faces death.

Palamirians 1:9 Cowards on the opposing side shall be executed swiftfully and without hesitation or forethought. The Magic Soup Bowl grows larger with every slain heretic, would you deprive our deity of absolute control?

Palamirians 1:10 He who, not only no longer regards the Magic Soup Bowl's word as the highest, but also he who openly denounces and disassociates themselves with the Soupists are the highest form of enemies to the Soup Empire.

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The 9 Soupist Commandments, as told to Palamire by the Magic Soup Bowl personally.

1: Thou shall not insult Prophet Palamire, nor shall you insult the Magic Soup Bowl.

2: Thou shall refuse all non-soup meals, as heretic food was made only to poison brave Soupist warriors.

3: Soup is a gift by the Magic Soup Bowl, thou shall praise Prophet Palamire and the Magic Soup Bowl before every meal.

4: Thou shall not murder another Soupist in cold blood, nor shall a suspected traitor be murdered without due process.

5: Thou shall slap the Holy Soup Stand with the butt of your rifle to keep The Invincible Wood at bay. Thou shall as well fire two salutes to Palamire with your rifle aimed towards the sun before every battle.

6: Aide your brothers whenever possible in battle, do not selfishly allow them to become surrounded and killed so you can prove yourself as more capable than them.

7: One does not befriend a non-Soupist, all heretics are enemies, and must be treated as such without exception.

8: Your melee capability is a reflection of your personal relationship with the Magic Soup Bowl, prove yourself and he shall grant you with skill.

9: Death is a gift, allow your great victory to occur at the same time as your demise; slay as many as possible before you pass into the next realm.

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Soupist Realms and Transitions

Su: Soupist Heaven, every Soupist warrior shall come here after completing all transitions. The Soupists spend their days feasting on the finest Soup in the universe, as well as slapping eachother with glee for eternity.

Soup: After achieving death in Mittelsu, you shall live, for a brief time, as a bowl of soup made from your body. This stage is complete as soon as whichever Soupist drank your soup also dies.

Mittelsu: This is our realm, where young Soupists aspire to join their fathers in Su. Make the best of your existence on this realm, as it is your proving grounds.

W̢͜O̷̢O̷̢DP͢LÁ͝N͠͠Ę: Soupist Hell, all heretics shall be sent here for eternity to be mended and mutilated by The Invincible Wood.

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Souppuku

Once, every so often, does the Soup Empire suffer from humanity's mortal limitations. We fail, we lose, we fall without victory at hand. In this event, all Soupists shall commit Souppuku, a ritualistic death so that we may be sent to Su to meet the Magic Soup Bowl, and beg forgiveness. If he accepts, we shall be reincarnated as a better Soupist, and a better fighter.

The ritual occurs as follows: One of the Holy Soupist Regents shall fit on their ritualistic attire, and escort all Soupists to a beach. There, the Soupists shall kneel and be individually executed by the Regent. As soon as all Soupists are executed, the Regent himself shall walk into the water, where they drown themselves.

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Thank you for reading, my fellow Soupists. Praise Prophet Palamire, praise the Magic Soup Bowl!