Top 5 Costanza Quips

5.
What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store I wouldn’t shop there.

4.
Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pair. That way I only have to do wash once a year.

3.
I love the mirror in that bathroom. I don’t know what in the hell it is, I look terrific in that mirror. I don’t know if its the tile or the lighting … I feel like Robert Wagner in there.

2.
I’m 33 years old; I haven’t outgrown the problems of puberty, I’m already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal … medium orgasm.

1.
I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think “That’s why I’m not a heterosexual”.