A reading from the holy gospel, according to Touhou

---

And lo, a Cronenbergian angel appeared before me,
Along with her 6 million disturbing cherubs,
And each bearing 7 thousand gnarly ganglia.
And I prayed to whatever sane god would listen that the ganglia were vestigial,
And my prayers went unanswered.

Enveloped in 42 billion ganglia,
And nested in what I've decided is the angel's bosom,
For to think about it too much would turn my brain into wriggling spiders,
My GPU did not buckle,
And I only noticed some sporadic slowdown,
And there was much rejoicing.

And from the angel's fleshy folds sprouted a great arsenal.
Holy instruments to rain down divinity upon all sinners.
Spreadshots, flamethrowers, missiles and lasers.
Bombs, shields and screen clearing super weapons.
Each varied from the other,
Offering engagement for all types of Shmupers.
And it was good.

And the angel spoke to me,
In a voice of pan flutes and electric guitar rifts.
And her voice harmonized with the chaos around me.
Haunting and beautiful.
Energizing and anxious.
And as her cherubs popped in bloody exaltation to my scattered shooting,
My ears savored the heavenly sound scape.

But as the angel spoke to me,
Her words were often lost,
For they were legion,
and they scrolled too fast to read,
And my constant screaming did not help.

And when she offered to teach me her ways by means of Tutorial,
She took a long time to do so.
For as I walk through the valley of the shadow of Ikaruga
I need only the rules for your hell
And need not a 20 minute demonstration.

And the angel asked me,
"To whom should I grace with my glory?"
And by then, my screams had stopped,
For my throat was ragged,
and hosted a bountiful crop of chewed-up cherub ganglia.
And so I sputtered my answer through choking heaves.
"Thou shalt visit those damned to bullet hell who crave not the ease of modernity."
"Thou shalt visit those possessed by unholy love of bodily corruption."
"Thou shalt visit those ensorcelled by impure fantasies of dying worlds."
"Thou shalt visit the speed readers who are somehow also slow learners."
"Thou shalt visit the ketamine flutists."

---

The gospel, according to Touhou
Praise be to Team Shanghai Alice

---

Did you come here looking for something different? So did I. I might have found other "something differents" for you. Check out my Curator page to find out.

Came for the booby angels, stayed for the shoot 'em up.

Why is this the game that got me back into Danmaku?