I had a choice between this and crack. I chose crack. Then I bought this too.

I thought Monster Train would be “Slay the Spire but on a train.” It’s actually “Slay the Spire while running a three‑story tower defense against holy debt collectors who board at every stop.”

At some point I stopped noticing the hours. I was too busy drafting demons like a deranged HR manager, arguing with myself about floor placement at two in the morning, and bargaining with the RNG gods for one more perfect draw.

The Last Divinity DLC is when the conductor leans in and says, “What if we took the brakes off?” I said yes. I haven’t seen daylight since.

Monster Train isn’t just the best roguelite deckbuilder I own. It’s the only one that’s made me nostalgic for public transport.

Fun

Great game.