Well it seems you're lost and have no idea how to get back home!!! That's okay!!! How you ask? Well we've equipped you with a handy device to tell you where your home town is with an arrow on an icon of a little house!!! So just follow it. But not straight forward you sack of peanuts!!! Never go straight forward at full speed. Unless you have some nitro boost on your hands you still can't see past that fog and you may end up running into a gang of beefy Cyclopses or something dumb like that. So yeah. Make sure to watch out for walls and rivers which you can't go through.

Are you trying to make a map on your general area you're in right now? Well I have some news for you buddy THAT'S POINTLESS because sometimes when you reach your home town a giant space bear comes down and picks up your home only to place it somewhere completely different!!! What? No I'm not kidding!!!

Don't forget that you can recruit anyone that you see in the wild (and no I dunno why they're just walking around there). But strangely only one after all other pit people have been killed (please don't ask how this works). You can recruit anyone!!! Except that space bear who I'd really like in my army but I guess I have to deal with it. Hm. Okay. Oh wait uhhh sorry about that. I zoned out. Well. Sometimes you can just capture people for the sake of getting their cool stuff to add to any of your much better characters. And yes. This is heartless but everyone does it because LOOT!!!

Before you go out willy nilly punching any old stranger in the face you have to choose who you want in your team. Here's a miniguide on which creatures do what:

Human - Can carry any weapon and wear any helmets.

Cupcakes** - Can heal your team.

Rainbow Horse** - Shoots land mines from its head to spawn new ones (that must hurt)?

Zombie*** - Comes back to life a few turns after death.

Cyclopses* - Beefy brutes who can weild melee weapons and wear helmets!!!

Gorgon* - Spawns baby snakes.

Vampiress - Can steal life from victims it hurts.

Kobold*** - Hate archers (attack bonus).

Electrobot - Use electricity for chances to stun enemies each time they attack.

Pixie - Can fly and uses explosion magic when one tile away from an enemy.

Mascot - Plays music to boost the attack of your team (again don't ask how that works but they can also attack the enemy themselves)!!!

Mushroom** - Will poison enemies nearby each turn taken!!!

Spidaur - Creates cobwebs on the battlefield (also has three pairs of cool booties AND THAT MEANS SHOES YOU DIRTY MINDED uhhh sorry).

Hair Troll - Can knock enemies back and make them slow for their next turn.

*Troll Parent** (don't assume genders jeez) - Create baby trolls to fight for them.

Octoclops - Can confuse the enemy so they attack their own team and can also change their team colour outright (but your own team will also not be able to attack them).

Gnome*** - Very lazy but can attack from a distance and repair Electrobots (heal).

Wraith - Can lower the enemy's attack and defense when it attacks.

Be sure to balance out all of these unless you just want humans on your team you racist.
*These creatures take up 2 slots out of 6 in your team instead of 1 (Troll Parent takes up 3 slots and the same on the battlefield too).
**These creatures don't straight up attack your enemies (Cupcakes can't attack at all and will only heal other party members).
***These creatures take up 1 slot but come in pairs.

Hey are you so dumb that you don't even know a shotgun from a pistol!?!?!? PFFFBTBTBFGBJKFHHRBRBFBRBRBRRRFFFFFFFFT WHAT AN IDIOT!!! But it's okay!!! Luckily you have this guide to tell you about all the different weapons the marquette has to offer (don't get me wrong they can also be found via creatures in the wild)!!!

Thin Sword - Gives your characters more of a chance to doge attacks but of course doesn't have much damage.

Medium Sword - It'll be slightly more hard to move with this sword but it does average melee damage.

Large Sword - Does the most damage but it's really hard to move around with this equipped.

Clubs - Does alot of damage on it's own but even more effective against people in helmets (show 'em who's boss Pipistrella)!!!

Thrown - Can be used as a melee attack and can stun enemies when one tile away.

Shields - The bigger the shield the less you can move but the more likely the chance to block ranged attacks!!!

Bows and arrows - If used your character'll turn into a "ranged" creature (don't worry they're still the same just with different stats) and can hurt enemies from ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE WORLD (okay maybe not but they can just their weapons from quite far away)!!!

No breastplates exist as a useable thing in this world (again please don't ask why they're just hard to draw and see when the characters are that small) but helmets do!!! Here's another miniguide!!!

"Hair" - Does basically nothing but makes your characters look cool so that's good!!!

Small helmets - Give a slightly increased defense.

Medium helmets - Gives slightly more increased defense and the knight's helmets from Castle Crashers can be found here!!! :ccknight:

Large helmets - Gives the best defense but can be fought against effectively with clubs as mentioned in the previous section (and those darn Helmetites use them).

And I'll just need to break the fourth wall here sorry. I really like the fact that there's just different style helmets and not each design is different from the last so you can look cool and have the stats you want!!! Yeah. I take that as part of the guide because at least it's telling you something.

Well basically a giant bear from space comes down with some savages to kill a boring blueberry farmer named Horatio but he quickly learns about survival (hey like you did!!!) and he beats them all (technically) which makes the bear mad!!! So he naturally destroys his house and takes his son out of rage. Yeah. That seems like a good thing to do.

Well Horatio then goes behind his house and finds a castle being invaded and he sheds his berries for Princess Pipistrella (not really) who asks for his help. Looks like jeez jerky Helmetites (they don't even shower ew) are sent by he bear to randomly cause chaos I guess. Hmmm. Not a very good plan but okay. Huh. Well Pipi's dad unfortunately doesn't survive under the rubble of his own castle but before he kicks the bucket he gives his staff (sorry it's not magical) to his daughter and she gets mad at these helmet weirdos!!! Well yeah. That just happened and it looks like Horatio and Pipistrella are good friends now!!! Hahah. Nothing makes people friends more than fighting along side of eachother to kill a bunch of creeps in helmets on top of a ruined castle!!!

Then they find a town with a friendly Demiclops named Yosef in it who also offers his assistance to Horatio. He uses his Cyclops powers to do some weird stuff and the three test their powers in the Pit (People)!!! Yeah. That made no sense right? Uhhh. Sorry I'm not explaining this too well but it's really hard to see what's going on with Yosef but nevermind the point is he has cool axes which he throws to stun people!!! Wait. What the heck even is this game and why aren't I questioning it more often? Well. Yeah have fun!!!

Oh wait. Well I guess they eventually arrive on top of a spaceship owned by the Helmetites (still don't shower ugh) and meet with the bear but he flicks them back to their weird world to have more "fun".