Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress 2

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How to make crappy TF2 Guide
By emsy and 3 collaborators
There's honeslty nothing useful I can make a guide on TF2 and as usual I'm bored, so I'm going to make a guide on how to make a guide.(Guide sepction bro.)
   
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Making an introduction.
Before I even start to say anything, if a Steam moderator finishes reading this and feels that it should be removed I will gladly remove it, the last thing I want is trouble.


In the introduction you must introduce yourself and how amazing you are compared to the mere peasents reading this guide. So you can say something like.

"hey guyz this xxx_skrub_lord_438_xxx and i am better den u because i did ur mother like spai did scunt's mother. go ahead and cry u frigging pooopy head. dun mezz with meh becuz my dad werks for gaben and i can report u to hem"

This is not a good example because if you want it done right, you're going to have to spam much more profanity then that. I am not the one to use such profanity so you're going to have to learn how to do that yourself.
After you're done with that actually put what your crap guide is about so people will get a grasp on how cancerous your guide is before it even starts. I'm pretty sure though, that they can tell it's cancerous from just reading your introduction of who you are and how much better you are than to the mere peasent reading your guide.
After you have some self esteem post the Dota 2 symbol in the introduction so people who were too lazy to read the introduction will be confused if it's a TF2 guide or not and will be forced to read the introduction.


Filler stuff
You put a bunch of nonsense information together that people actually don't know and pair them with other stuff that has nothing to do with it. Not to mention, use standard texting grammar instead of grammar that you'd use for an essay or something.

A good example created by yours truly:


in teem 4truss 2 there is a one thousand chance that everytim a skout gets blown up by a sentry's rawkets or demo's pipes/stickies or a soldier rawket that archmedis will com out of his chest. wich is a reference to how at the end of meet the medic you see something glowly moving in scunt's chest making bird noises which is obviozlee archmedeees becuz we saw earlier archmedeeez tried to hide in heavy's chest while the medikc was trying to perform illegeal surguery on hem. then monoclous is actually demo's missing eye as it has brun skin color like the demo (no racist) and iz a eye that shoots moar eyes. u can truly get evideunce that it is deemo's eye becuz during hollow weeb u can hear dialouge between the demo and merasmus when he appears about giving hem hiz eye bak. this is similar as how the spy did scunt's mommy so hard that de blu tem's soldier and hooovy couldn't withstand the hard doggy style action that spai did to scunt's mothers in the piktures.

Good job, now you have one very cancerous paragraph. Now just keep on repeating these throughout the middle of your guide and you'll be fine to go. Some of the times you don't even have to write it on new stuff, you can just re-write some of it in a different way to make it sound like something different. I'm about to show you how to re-write everything I said above, and make it seem different.

so lik durin halloween eventz merazmus has certain dialouge for sum mercenaries when he appears and sees dem lik soulja boi bein the werse room8 or the deemo's eye is actually de one boss monoclus who shoots out baby monocluses that r like frigging crockets dat blow everything up on de subjekt of evertin blowing up the scoot when he is blewn up causes a birdy to com out of him like the one from the meat the medik taunt. it is simply that execpt no flashee lites and only one bierd comes out insteed of like 16 hundred thousand bierds. wic leeds back to da meet the medicc vid becuz of da tawnt is when he leabes the lab to perferm ze 1st ubercharge. alsew if u notice the red spy is new where to be seen in meet the medik cuz he is out invadin the blue 2fort base after he shows the people how he doggy styled scunt's mum and then he merders every1 in the blu base problee with the knife the same exact way he penetrated scunt's mum, in and out.

Now as we can see I tottaly re-wrote that thing without adding too much new ideas and it was super easy and most likley the people reading this have a middle school educationa nd probably won't notice that you tottaly just wrote the exact same thing over again and you're just adding text to make this guide look good as I'm doing right now because I'm really bored and I just wanted a 4th guide to go in my guide showcase because I made 3 actual guides that took effort and I'm too lazy to make a 4th one.
Disgusting Fan-Art
A part of all popular gaming communities is Fan-Art. Even though TF2 doesn't seem like the game to have disgusting fan-art, it does. Games like Overwatch have it to a bigger degree. I would post the disgusting examples but that would violate the steam subscriber agreement. So instead I'll just post poorly made TF2 poster that tottaly weren't by me.... ;-; and call them cancer.
Down here is an example of poorly made fan art.


How does one make fan art? Young one there are many ways.
  • Draw it on a sheet of notebook paper and make it look as crappy as you can and then using your phone take a picture and send it to your dekstop and then upload it and brag about how good it is.
  • Download SFM for free in the steam store and take 10 minutes to make your very first project, upload it on your artowrks, like it and bookmark it and call it the best master piece ever.
  • Buy GMOD for 10$ and place a bunch of rag dolls on the ground in a stupid posistion and tell them about the situation which looks nothing like what's going on in the picture.

It is best, you do all 3 options and shove it into your guide. The more pictures the better your guide will be and the more videos it'll be in on youtube as "Top 10 cancerous TF2 guides" (Do people even make those type of videos?) and it'll be shared by everyone between their freinds because your guide will surley not be one of those normal informational guides. Maybe if you're lucky enough LeafyIsHere will react to your video with a bunch of nice compliments.
Create a raffle group and host raffles.
Raffle groups are actually against the steam subscriber agreement, I don't know why no one does anything about them(maybe there's too much), but I'm pretty sure somewhere on steam it says it prohibits raffling. Please keep scrap.tf raffles around, they have no fees. Please I love scrap.tf don't to this to me steam if you're reading this. Just don't do it. I rarley enter raffles, only when people tell me to. Anyhow, in my opinions raffle groups are just plain out annoying, they spam your friend activity with random stuff that you have no chance of entering and those invite all friend raffles are just tedious to your friends, and with the random invites when I thoguht it was actually a friend invite for trading or something just destroys my senseof hope.
Which is why you're going to make one. Because no one likes them, and the point of this guide is to make no one like you, but hey at least you'll make a dope guide with the help from a tottaly unprofessional guide maker.
I'm not going to teach you how to make a raffle group, there is a guide for that. It's mainly I don't know how to make it and that I honestly dislike it. After you finish creating your raffle group link it to your guide and tell people about how good the raffles will be there. An example is below.

hey guyz pls join my grewp loretta rafflez were we raffle daily with stuff like burning flames team captain, 500 keys for one slawt. and ivnite ur friendz raffle to get a chance to win a trading card. we will chek ur friends list and the people u invite becuz we have the tim to do that to make sure that u actually invited all of ur friendz and that ur not just scamming us and that ur actualaly annoying the crap out of ur friendz that we all know arent actually ur friendz becuz ur incapable of making friendz irl. so if u join it we will host so much kewl raffles about 1440 raffles every day. dat meanz u cant go one minute of cheking ur friendz activtee without having a raffle pop up and we will spam ur notifications too.




Tell them about your hard knock life.
No ones cares about you nor your origin story so that is why you must post it about your guide and how hard your life was and if you don't get a like someone in your family will die because they didn't have enough money to buy crack and decided to hang themself. Make sure it sounds as cheesy as possible.

hey guyz i com from a small town in italy where we had no nfood or water the only thing we had to eat were talking rats with chef hats. my family was too poor to afford food for water and my mom abbandonded me before i was even born. i dont even know how that works maybe my dad was the one pregnant. and den even do my famiree was too poor to afford food and water my dad went into crack addiktion. now i am here typing a steam guide to halp make more money 4 my famiree. 1 dislike=1 more cent to halp feed my dad's crack addiktion rather than sending him to rehab. 1 like = 1 less bread crumble for us to eat. so plz end my sister's misery by clicking the lik button.

Now that you have your 100% B.S story you have to somehow add prarie dogs to it.

hey guyz i com from a small town in italy where we had no nfood or water the only thing we had to eat were talking rats with chef hats. my family was too poor to afford food for water and my mom abbandonded me before i was even born. i dont even know how that works maybe my dad was the one pregnant. my father was beaten to death with a stick by a prarie dog when he was a kid and den came bak to lyfe using large amounts of horse meat and den even do my famiree was too poor to afford food and water my dad went into crack addiktion. now i am here typing a steam guide to halp make more money 4 my famiree. 1 dislike=1 more cent to halp feed my dad's crack addiktion rather than sending him to rehab. 1 like = 1 less bread crumble for us to eat. so plz end my sister's misery by clicking the lik button.

Don't even bother to correct the sentance that comes before and after it to make sense. This guide is 100% cancer no need to make sense.
End it with cancerous videos.
We need a proper ending for such an amazing guide. End your guide with videos like these.
Short but long enough to get the cancer through the audience.
If you actually bother to make a guide base off of this one please link below.
12 Comments
Scariest thing ever 2 May, 2017 @ 3:04am 
Waht dafuq?!?
Khorne Flakes 27 Jun, 2016 @ 7:10am 
Why isn't this at the top of the charts of the TF2 guides? This guide is beneficial for everyone, even if you don't play TF2. :cocochan2:
redux (INACTIVE - NEW ACC) 27 Jun, 2016 @ 3:02am 
Thank you for contributing to the problem...
Matomatic 25 Jun, 2016 @ 8:44am 
now i no how 3 make ?guides oN guides ,on; guides danks ho
MANBOOPHIN 25 Jun, 2016 @ 7:40am 
i fucking died on the second vid at the end no lie
emsy  [author] 25 Jun, 2016 @ 4:51am 
I can't fet the links since I'm in phone and for some stupid reason steam won't let me copy and paste so I'll just name the videos
1)Nice legs
2)Marco bros
3)I feel it
4)Bonus ducks
Paddy the Daddy 25 Jun, 2016 @ 12:15am 
Could we have links to these videos?
emsy  [author] 24 Jun, 2016 @ 9:24am 
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little cutie? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Huggers N Cuddles, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret spanks on your cute butt, and I have over 300 confirmed cuddles. I am trained in gorilla hugging and I’m the top kisser in the entire Frosty Moe with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with being that adorable to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Asnow so you better prepare for the love, honey. The loves that wipes out the adorable little thing you call yourself. You’re fucking cuddled, sweetie. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can love you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensivelnd I will use it to its full extent to please your adorable ass off the face of the continent, you little cutie. If only you could have known what holy retribution your roman
emsy  [author] 22 Jun, 2016 @ 7:06am 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BnYt8YiEeY
do they honestly have to scream to everything, you litterly see the chick at the end screaming at the air on the top of her lungs for no reason, and in the thumbnail you can see the mom with her "I'm going to rape these children face" enjoying their screaming because she knows that's how they're going to be sounding in the bedroom
emsy  [author] 22 Jun, 2016 @ 7:04am 
USSR is communist