I've played my fair share of teleglitch. I know how the game works. I've experienced many things, In this guide I will try to write all the things I know. How weapons work, what enemies do and general things that are good to know.

Ready to git gud at teleglitch?

Things that generally go "pew" and launches things into your enemies faces. Knowing what weapon to use, carry with and ditch is key to victory.

Starting with the most important weapons of all, the melee weapons. There is technically only one, but you start with it and is the key to getting though the first couple of levels.

The Combat Knife
The weapon that never runs out of ammo, and doesn't need ammo. Strikes fast with 100% AP but has low damage and pitiful range. Getting good with the combat knife saves a TON of ammo on the earlier levels. The knife should generally only be used on small mutants and small zombies, as bigger enemies deal too much melee damage themselves to be worth it. Later on swarmbots show up which can be killed with one shank, even with the lesser combat knife.

Shockblade
The upgrade to the combat knife. Seems to double damage, letting you oneshot small mutants and zombies. This is incredibly convenient. You will be able to shank swarms of zombies with ease, as long as you are backing up.

The most simple type of weapons. Pull trigger, bullet flies out. Depending on what specific type of weapon you have you use them in different scenarios. Yellow guards generally drop 9mm's, red guards generally drop autopistols and scientists generally drop SMG's if you are lucky and you get an item drop. Ammo is very common, but becomes rarer in later levels.

9mm Pistol
Your basic starter weapon. Incredibly reliable with common ammo, it will do you well until DPS becomes more important. Is very accurate, and has decent armor piercing for lesser armored enemies such as yellow guards. Has a rather low fire rate though. As said, get upgrades when you get to later levels.

Autopistol
The pistol's hyperactive brother. Has incredibly high firerate and decent magazine size, but accuracy has been thrown out the window. Useful for laying down high amounts of damage against unarmored enemies in close range. I would not recommend this; accuracy is too important in this game. You get this weapon to upgrade to...

SMG
Think 9mm pistol, but better in almost all regards. Much higher firerate, far bigger magazine and a very small accuracy penalty. Inexplicably also gets a decent boost in AP. You should carry this though the entire game, as it is incredibly good for medium armored enemies such as scientists and swarmbots.

Similarily simple as the 9mm's, the MG weapons are a versatile bunch. Generally has better AP than 9mm's, but 9mm's has higher raw damage making them better than MG's for unarmored enemies. Ammo is very common.

MG-3200
Generally your first automatic weapon. Good overall, except possibly accuracy. Ammo is common and it has decent AP. Do not ever ditch a MG-3200 until you get...

MG-DRM
DRM here stands for drum mag, not dyslexic rifle marksman. This weapon is a modded MG-3200 with a longer reload, but higher magazine capacity. But that is not all! Accuracy is DOUBLED! This weapon will serve you well though the entire game. Accurate with high capacity, it will deal with many things very well.

Minigun
The best bullethose in the game. Made by taping together 4 MG-3200's, this beast will spew out bullets at an unpararelled rate. It is however only useful for one thing: the final boss. Otherwise this weapon will only waste ammo. It is nowhere near as controllable as the MG-DRM, and the MG-DRM has better accuracy too. You can find a minigun on lvl 10, so don't bother making one. Keep using the DRM until you get to the boss.

Silverspoon
One of the DLC weapons. You start with this randomly (though you can restart until you get it) if you have the Guns 'n Tunes DLC.

Think 9mm, but with lower capacity and lower firerate, and uses MG bullets which are rare on the first couple of levels. But PERFECTLY 100% ACCURATE! This weapon is the most accurate weapon in the game. It has more damage than MG's and higher AP than 9mm's. This weapon can easily serve you until about lvl 5, where a MG-DRM's higher DPS will be more useful. If you feel cool you can make a challenge for yourself where you only use the Silverspoon as the only MG-bullet weapon you use. Then you can sell it or put it on a rack (it's made of silver!) when you get back (hey that rhymed). A very good weapon.

Weapons that shoot a volley of smaller pellets, these are king in close quarter combat. Keep in mind that AP for shotguns is really bad. Only use shotguns on unarmored enemies. It takes more than 3 shotgun blasts to kill one swarmbot to put it in perspective. Ammo is very common in early levels, but disappear gradually as you get further. Use as you like in early levels and in later levels only on unarmored enemies.

Shotgun
The basic shotgun. You find one on the first level, and is the best weapon for taking out large mutants and zombies, even horders of smaller enemies if you fire from longer ranges. Never ditch this weapon, as machinegun zombies and even zombie ambushes exist in later levels. However, if you do run out of ammo (as shells become rarer in later levels) feel free to drop it. Scientists can later drop...

2xShotgun
Basically a shotgun but better in every way. Fires much faster, has much bigger capacity and much better accuracy. DO NOT CRAFT THIS WEAPON; it will only take up valuable resources. Instead, as said, you should loot this from scientists. Do note: this weapon still fires single shells, and not two shells at once, so it keeps it's efficiency.

Fat John
One of the DLC weapons. You start with this randomly if you have the Guns 'n Tunes DLC.

A shotgun that plays very differently from the regular shotgun. Has a small capacity of two shells, but incredibly fast reload and fire rate and amazing accuracy, even beating the 2xShotgun. Additionally features double the AP. While still very low, it allows you to deal ok damage to armored enemies. This weapon generally outclasses the other shotguns. If you plan on taking a shotgun all the way to the end, it should be this one.

Is extremely good for red and yellow guards.

Weapons that shoot depleted uranium bullets at very high speeds. These weapons feature high damage and amazing AP. You should only use these on armored enemies, as it is inefficient on other enemies. Ammo is somewhat rare, and only shows up in later levels. Use with care.


Rifle-HV
A semiautomatic HV rifle. Has high accuracy, but somewhat low firing speed. If you want to stay further away from armored enemies this weapon is better than the MG-HV.

MG-HV
A fully automatic HV rifle. Has a larger capacity than the semiautomatic variant and also shoots faster. Upgrading a rifle-HV is much cheaper than converting a MG-3200, so don't bother with converting an MG-3200.

Apparantly there is a word limit per section, so here's part two immediatly after part one!

Fast weapons with high damage, somewhat low accuracy and, despite what the description says, low AP. Best used against unarmored targets of all types. Ammo is scarce, use sparingly.

Revolver
The most basic of revolvers. Can be used to evaporate swarms, but this takes a lot of ammo.

Six-trigger revolver
A revolver that fires 6 shots per pull of the trigger (the entire magazine). Hilarious, right? Best used against large unarmored enemies.

Griffon
One of the DLC weapons. You start with this randomly if you have the Guns 'n Tunes DLC.

A slightly slower, 5 shot revolver with better accuracy. Ammo is nonexistant on early floors, but you can reliably shoot out red guards with this weapon. Features the same AP and damage as a regular revolver

Weapons that generally fire slowly, but has incredibly high damage per bullet and very high AP. You should only use these weapons against large armored enemies such as bosses, war walkers and squids. Ammo is scarce; only use heavy rifle bullets against large enemies.

Heavy rifle
A slow rifle that shoots accurate bullets of death. Not recommended, as the enemies you use heavy rifles for will quickly cross the distance until you wish you had something that could kill the enemy more quickly.

2xHeavy rifle
Two rifles strapped together. Fires two bullets per pull of the trigger, increasing your DPS by quite a bit. Becomes more inaccurate, but inexplicably has more AP. Very recommended. More DPS for armor killers is not bad. You rarely overkill the intended targets either.

Heavy revolver
An upgraded revolver made to shoot heavy rifle bullets. Damage is lower than a heavy rifle, but it fires way faster. Not recommended. Ammo is already scarce, and reducing the impact of each bullet is not good. However, as the arena mode shows, where you get tons of ammo, this weapon has one of the highest DPS's in the game. Not recommended in regular play, very recommended in arena.

Very long John
One of the DLC weapons. You start with this randomly if you have the Guns 'n Tunes DLC.

Waste of time. Early enemies are overkilled by this weapon, and heavy rifle bullets are super rare on early levels. It also does less damage. Don't bother, and restart, hoping for a better weapon.

Pink Death
One of the DLC weapons. You start with this randomly if you have the Guns 'n Tunes DLC.

While it gets a small bonus for being a small pink pistol that fires oversized bullets, it is still a waste of time for the same reasons as the Very Long John.

Weapons in this category generally only have two things in common: they use batteries as ammo, and they have 100% AP, the highest in the game. You will do the same amount of damage against armored and unarmored enemies. Other than that, energy weapons are very different from eachother. Ammo does not show up until about halfway through, where it becomes more and more common as you get further in. Do not keep two energy weapons at once or your ammo will dry out quickly.

Taser
Handheld zap-o-matic. Is ammo efficient, but has very bad range and firerate. They do sport a healthy magazine size of 50, which makes tasers good ammo fillers. Other than that, don't bother with tasers. Use one to make a shockblade at least.

Self Defense Credit Card
A joke of a weapon. Worse in almost every way compared to the taser. Coupled with nonexistant ammo on earlier levels and you get probably the worst weapon in the game. The only thing it's good for is dropping it right away and having a little more energy for later.

Teslacoil
Compared to the taser, the Teslacoil has much better range and better DPS. It is however less ammo efficient. This weapon requires quite a bit to make, but when you get it it's awesome. Shame you can get much better results with lasguns.

Lasgun
Not a lasergun becase lasgun sounds cooler. Has an incredibly tiny capacity and reload time is long. Use one of the many mchips that lie around to quadruple capacity and make...

Lasgunmod
Probably the best armor killer in the game. Is ammo efficient, has near perfect accuracy, infinite range and incredibly high damage output. Never ditch this when you get it.

Railgun
A cool gun for cool people. You get to choose between this and the magshield with the only magnet you can find in the game. The lasgun can do many things the railgun can do, so taking the magshield is much, MUCH safer. If you however feel cool, take this.

THE most powerful gun in the game. Fires a supersonic slug (basically hitscan) that does titanic damage and pierces enemies infinitely with basically perfect accuracy. You can only have one slug loaded, but the reload is so quick that it doesn't matter. Remember to double click when shooting to reload immediatly.

A cool technique for cooler people is to wait for squids to open their eyes and then shoot them with railgun. You will oneshot them!

Not sure if this could fit in part two. Eh, whatevs.

Nailguns are only useful for unarmored enemies up close, as the range is terrible and AP is bad. What type you should use nailguns for vary depending on how many barrels you have attached. You can attach another barrel by combining a nailgun with a tube.

Single nailgun
Has too low of a firerate to be of any use. Upgrade as fast as you can.

Double nailgun
Fires two nails at once. Perfect for small groups of small unarmored enemies, even single ones.

Triple nailgun
Fires 3 nails. Is in a comfortable middle ground where you can use against both small and large unarmored enemies.

Quadruple nailgun
Generally overkill on smaller enemies, but bigger enemies will quickly fall to your onslaught of nails.

Quintuple nailgun
Almost a nail shotgun. Too uncontrollable and ammo chugging to be of any use. Sure, the DPS beats many other weapons, but you run dry so quickly it's not even worth it.

An incredibly hard weapon to make. You need 2 large tubes to make it, and to my experience there is one on lvl 4 and one on like level 7 (don't quote me on that). Additionally you need to carry along a 9mm pistol, as they disappear on later levels. Don't count on one of the few yellow guards dropping one either. When you finally make it you need to make the ammo yourself using cans and 250RDX.

Takes the shared first place (with the railgun) as the most powerful weapon in the game. You need to make ammo yourself, and you do not get many shots, but boy do they hurt. The shots can erase swarmbots and reliably oneshot squids. However, the shots fragment, often hurting you as well. Keep your distance and you will be the terror of squids. An awesome weapon for awesome people.

All of these want you very dead.

Note: If you put enough force behind you attacks, but not enough to kill, you can sometimes cause enemies to trip. They look like they have been killed, but will get up shortly to try to kill you. Look for splatters of blood, a clean enemy on the ground is likely still living.
Enemies that walk at and try to punch you, in a stupid fashion. Squishy means no armor.

Small mutants
Simply walks towards you at a steady pace, trying to punch you. Best disposed of by staying at a specific range where you can shank them, but they can't hit you. Use weapons only when there are too many, or your health is low.

If there are many these, they are in tight groups, there are many obstacles or if you move in an erratic manner they may run and turn around oddly, which can sometimes trip you up.

Makes a the sound of streching rubber when they spot you. "Scrchcree"

Mutants have two different looks, but they are identical in function.

Small zombies
Quickly alternates speed (between lumbering and lunging) in a steady fashion, and moves erratically. These are far harder to shank and shoot at, and will probably do more damage than mutants despite their lower numbers.

Makes the sound of a blubbering zombie when they spot you. "Flubrlsml"

Small hordes can sometimes be found lying in wait in red/orange copper pipes. The only way to detect these hordes is by having a detector in your inventory. You detect their presence just shy of their activation range, so sometimes you will detect them and activate them without being able to react. When you walk into the activation range AND the pipe can "see" you the zombies will all pour out. There are many ways to deal with hordes, but the best is simply a shotgun and a firm trigger finger. Other methods are 9mm, bombs (especially meatbombs), and shanking, which is much more difficult.

A green variant is found in the Arena, which are simply slower.

Sometimes drop canned meat.

Big squishies
Elite enemies with no armor, but a good amount of health, and tricks up their sleeves.

Big mutant
A tougher version of the small mutant. Runs faster, has significantly more health and far stronger punches. Best weapon is a shotgun by far. Shotguns will often make these trip, so make sure they are dead by hanging around their corpse and the "bomp" sound they make when their corpse hits the floor. Knifing is not recommended

Spotting sound is stretching rubber and a roar. "Scrcreeaaaagh"

Big zombie
A bigger zombie. Runs more steadily, but has more health, a nasty clobber, and the ability to throw rocks. Again, shotguns are amazing against these. Don't use the knife if you want to live.
Rarely trips
Spotting sound is either a deep grumble, or a vicious roar. "Grumh" "GROARR!"

Machinegun zombie
A big zombie that can stop and shoot a salvo of bullets at you. More caution is needed against these, but a relentless shower of either 9mm bullets or shotgun pellets causes them to stumble around and be unable to fire.

Spotting sound is the same as the big zombie.

Former colleagues and comrades claimed and rewired by rampant AI, these act similarily to you. They walk, take aim and shoot at you, and shank you if you get too close. Are all incredibly dangerous.

They all share the same sounds, but look and act differently.

They don't have a spotting sound, meaning they can silently spot you and take aim if they are hiding in a corner. However, they make a very telltale walking sound: boots on gravel. "crss crss crss crss".

Since they use guns, armor is paramount to survival. Having armor cuts dmg by more than half. Save up those plates.

Fighting these guys is about outranging and breaking sight. When you see one taking aim, run out of range or around a corner. Be ready to greet them at another corner or with a hail of lead.

Can sometimes drop their guns when killed.

Yellow guard
Begins appearing on lvl 3, which means that you NEED TO MAKE ARMOR BY OR IN LVL 3. Will brutally slaughter you if you don't.

Has no armor, not a lot of health and carries low tech guns like pistols and shotguns. Best dealt with a pistol. Remeber, if you outrange them they aren't as dangerous, and the 9mm is accurate. If you have one of them, the Fat John shotgun or the Silverspoon rifle excels at killing these guys.

Red guards
Has more health than their yellow counterparts, but still no armor. Carries mid tier guns like MGs and autopistols. Best dealt with a DRM-MG (dat accuracy), or and SMG. Again, a Silverspoon or Fat John will stomp on these guys.

Scientists
Is armored and carries high tech weapons like double shotguns and FREAKING LASGUNS. These guys are very polarized. Either they carry something without good AP and will try to tickle your beefy and armored body to death, or they fire their lasgun and you are dead within a second. If it looks like they are aiming a bazooka (a lasgun actually), be super careful. All they need is one second.

A good source of shotgun ammo and double shotguns. Will never drop a lasgun in my experience. Not much point either since it only has 10 units of energy, and you would have an energy weapon at that point.

Best dealt with HV weapons or a MG salvo. SMG also works. Blinking a lasgun on them makes them fall over (but not kill them), giving you a second to prepare. Since they are armored, the Fat John is hampered but the Silverspoon still deals with these guys very well.

These will try to zap you at close range. Armored, bring AP.

Swarmbots
Most commonly found in blue pipes in similiar to zombies, these small robots make up for their lack of power with sheer numbers. They are armored, but have a pitiful amount of health. One stab with the unupgraded knife is enough to kill them, and if you have a long enough way to run, the most efficient way to kill them. They are highly susceptible to knockback unlike zombies (shotguns send them to the moon and back while barely harming them) which means holding them off with gunfire is easy. They are also far less agile than zombies, so manuevering around them should be easy. They do however reach a higher consistent speed, so keep that in mind. The amount of health they have can be seen by a little red light: the less red it is, the less health they have.

When knifing isn't viable, the best weapons to use are MGs. Fire in short controlled bursts, 2 shots should be enough for each. If you are in a hurry and have the ammo to spend (unlikely), HV rifles oneshot them.

Keep in mind that while they can't take punishment, they can certainly dish it out. Stay on your toes.

While they don't have a spotting sound, they constantly make a chopping, whirring sound, even when hiding in pipes. "Frrrrrr"

Rarely drops tasers.

Welderbots
The stuff of nightmares. If you look up insidious in a dictionary, there is a picture of a welderbot.

These don't look like much at all. A black block that hovers over. Then they surprise you by relentlessly electrocuting you, killing you in less than 3 seconds. They don't make any sounds at all, are almost immune to knockback, have a large amount of health, will kill you incredibly quickly if you give them the chance and does not give a crap about armor. The best way to deal with these is to back up, retreat, flee and stay away while firing your favourite AP weapon (I usually use HV rifles). If they corner you, you dead son.

You need to rely on sight to kill these. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ oversized block-ninjas.

As said, they don't make any sounds at all. None. Nada.

Often drops tasers, which is nice.

Large and dangerous, you will need lots of firepower to take these down.

War-walkers
Think heavy duty heavy duty-zombies. These guys have a large amount of health, move very quickly and can dish out a large amount of damage. They have three attacks: a close range smack that hurts like a ♥♥♥♥♥, a running ram attack and a a machine gun salvo. Their biggest weakness is their slow turning speed, especially when firing. The quicker you can run around them, the easier it becomes to defeat them. Use a stimulant, and build powerlegs for maximum speed and dominace.

Preferred weapons are HV rifles and Big rifles (2x are best). Keep running until they are turned away (even as little as 30° will do) and fire a little. If you put an enormous amount of force behind your attacks these guys will even trip!

Spotting sound is a low, industrial grumble. "grrrhhoumm". They also constantly make loud stomping noises when moving around.

Two will ambush you on level 5, and three can be found on level 3 sometimes in a secret room guarding an enormous cache of loot and a shortcut to level 5.

Sometimes drop engines. One of the walkers on level 5 will drop a whole bunch of materials.

Squid
The last enemy you will encounter, and for good reason. These guys are perfectly capable of killing you in under a second if you give them the chance.

Squids will slowly drift over while trying to aim their eye laser, whcih deals a ludicrous amount of damage. Their hulls are electrified and will fry you to a crisp in a similiar amount of time. It takes a moment to fire their laser: first they open their eye, then the laser focuses, and then you'll have a bad time.

The way to beat them is to use cover and their bad turn rate. While they are firing you can outrun their rotation. Since they also telegraph their attack you'll have time to put something between you and them. If you run out of room to run around, get a running start and cross the beam. You'll take a bunch of damage, but it's better than dying.

These guys are best killed very quickly. The Lasgun is king here, just unload. Takes 2 units of energy if i remember correctly (which is doubtful). However, it's one of the few times the lasgun is outperformed by another gun. Shooting them in their open eye does increased damage, and as a result a critical Railgun shot will oneshot them.

Spotting sound is a couple of kinda quiet beeps. Their more iconic sound is their constant digital, etheral wooshing kind of sound. They also beep when preparing their laser. Fully capable of killing their own, especially in the last arena levels.