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"Half-Life 3: Borealis" FanFiction by SgtFopper

By SgtFopper™

It's time for some sarcastic info about the next Valve game in the Half-Life franchise called Half-Life 3: Borealis.
The plan is a part-by-part story about Gordon, Alyx and some special guests. (!)
Like I wrote before: It's an entertaining story, not always chronologically sorted and not story-related to the REAL Half-Life 3 by Valve in future. Got that, bros?!

I am not sure how many parts are planned to be released by me. But what about 33 parts until the REAL Half-Life 3 is released?! ;-)
I'll release new parts via the Friends Feed and you can also check my Steam Profile for updates. And at the same time I'll add the new released parts in this Guide. This guide is not viewable in the Game Hub for specific reasons!

Stay tuned and have fun reading my parts about the best gaming couple ever - Gordon & Alyx. <3
Any feedback what's good or bad about my Gordon & Alyx-sarcasm is welcome.

Award

Created by

SgtFopper™
In-Game
Diablo® IV

Category: Characters, Co-op, Story or Lore

Languages: English

Posted

Updated

12 Jul, 2015 @ 7:06am

23 Nov, 2019 @ 5:35am

3,234	Unique Visitors
79	Current Favorites

Guide Index

Overview

Part One: "Eli vs. Gordon"

Part Two: The railing twist

Part Three: "From the "G" to the "Three"!"

Part Four: "Bre̶̶akfast for ... Alyx!"

Part Five: "The Gordon vs. Alyx "7 ohh hIIIgh" beef"

Part Six: "Alyx, are you really now a VR-girl?!"

Comments

Part One: "Eli vs. Gordon"

Alyx: "Gordon, I really miss my dad. It makes me sick."
Gordon: No response...
Alyx: "Gordon?"
Gordon: "What Alyx? I'm friggin' busy. I need to contact Valve for a third big adventure and it's too damn cold here. Can you bring me a soda, please!"
Alyx: "Aṡshole, but here you are. Let's have some ṡex to get warm again!"

Release date: 07/10/15

Part Two: The railing twist

Meanwhile on the Borealis railing the next day...

Alyx: "Did you enjoy the sex last night, hun?"
Gordon: "Of course, baby. But ... I ... I ... miss ... the adventures. The real ones. And Valve still didn't reply to my messages."
Alyx: "Are you fυckin' serious? I just asked you about our sex and you stupid mọron are just thinkin' about deadly adventures. Dat Breen muddafugga is dead."
Gordon: "That's right. But hey, I am Gordon Freeman and I'm becomin'' more to G..." [coughs loudly]
Alyx: "G-what?" ...

Release date: 07/11/15

Part Three: "From the "G" to the "Three"!"

At the evening in the cabin while Gordon and Alyx are relaxing together in their bed...

Gordon: "Damn, why is Valve so unapproachable. It's me, dat G-Muddafugga who needs more action with my swaggin' crowbar. Or what do you think, honey?"
Alyx: What about swaggin' your "cro'bar" in my G-spot, big man?"
Gordon: [panting] "I .. I .. fυck yeah, sounds great, Alyx. But ... I still need three more minutes. Gotta go to the toilet and comin' back - ready to swag my cro'bar for ya." ;-)
Alyx: I hope so because I am a lady of action & passion and I don't want to wait longer. Take your three minutes for be a real man to me then.........."

Release date: 07/12/15

Part Four: "Bre̶̶akfast for ... Alyx!"

The next day where Gordon wants to surprise Alyx with a delicious breakfast...

Alyx: Hey hun, I am truely surprised to see a very delicious breakfast. You really enjoyed our sex last nite, huh?
Gordon: "Of course, my squeezy squeeze. It also let me have a long and great dream about Electronic Arts. Really weird but kinda funny."
Alyx: "Really, EA? [looks blank] Right. You already told me several times that you fuggin' hate that company. Ain't EA the same like Valve?"
Gordon: "Hunny, EA is nothing; not in my dreams and not in real-life. I guess we really should stop talking about this. [sighs] ... What are our plans for today? It's warm outside!"

Release date: 03/20/16

Part Five: "The Gordon vs. Alyx "7 ohh hIIIgh" beef"

Today is the big next Apple Key note and it seems that Gordon is bored as hell! iPhone7 is announced? I don't give a damn...

Gordon: So, I just read in the news that the iPhone 7 is announced by Tim "not-Jobs" Cook. I just know that I cook this mọron in future!
Alyx: Hell Jezuz, what the hell is wrong with ya? It's the new generation of everything. Waterproof, bang. Don't talk like that.
Gordon: Waterproof? My pe..., I mean, my crowbar is more flexible than this new shίtty toy! Is this possible to play at least Half-Life 3 under water?
Alyx: No, it can't. But at least I can play with your balls under water. That's much better than every new generation of tech stuff. ;-)

Release date: 09/07/16

Part Six: "Alyx, are you really now a VR-girl?!"

When the wait is just a matter of fùckin' wasted time, or not...

Gordon: Alyx darling, why didn't ya tell me that you are a VR girl now? I feel wasted, ... disappointed, still bored?!
Alyx: What the fùck you're talkin' 'bout, hun! I even don't know the VR shít. Can I use special hands fo' somethin'? Tell me!
Alyx: ... Hun? Fùck, what's wrong? ... ???
[5 hours later...]
Gordon wakes up...
Gordon: Alyx, ALYX... Are you still there???
Alyx: Hun, what the hell is wrong?
Gordon: ... I ... had that dream, a fùckin' weird one! You ... a VR girl ... with special hands and woah, Combines and headcrabs around ya!
Alyx: Yeah, Valve brings a new Half-Life game ... with me! Next year! No shít! You'll see.
Gordon: Fùck, shít. And you don't tell me anything more about that?
Alyx: ... ... [imitating GabeN] These things, they take time...

Release date: 11/23/19

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