Welcome! Here you'll find all cars that player can drive. By the time this guide was written, there were 33 cars in the game. To unlock them all, I've spent 37 hours. Early apologising for some pictures having "Completed" text on them. Those screenshots were taken after I've completed the game. If someone has those cars without completing game on them, feel free to send me them and I'll gladly put them here.

Before we start, Let me say something very important. THIS GUIDE IS MY PERSONAL OPINION BASED ON MY EXPERIENCE WITH THOSE CARS. YOU SHOULD NOT IN ANY CASE AVOID A SPECIFIC CAR JUST BECAUSE I SAID IT IS "BAD". YOU MIGHT LIKE IT MORE THAN SOMETHING WHICH I CONSIDER "GOOD". AND GENERALLY ROGUELIKES ARE ALL ABOUT LEARNING BY YOURSELF. NOT GUIDES. YA KNOW.

And now. The cars.

P.S: Huge thanks to the original russian guide writer KaranaK for letting me translate this guide. Here's the original Russian version

Many people underestimate it because its the starter car, but it doesn't have any signifcant weaknesses nor advantages. It has ideal balance. And 4 seats allow you to practice different tactical combos.
Unlocked by default.



Hummer which was added in one of the patches. Has Nice Fender and Close-To-Zero mobility. Despite its intimidating look, it barely can push other cars off-road. That's why first of all you should upgrade is Steering, then Breaks and Engine. Last thing you should upgrade is Armor.
Unlocked by default.



This car was introduced in the same update as Bummer. Basically, It's the car of Hotline Miami's Protagonist. Which is also DeLorean DMC-12 from Back to the Future. Has good mobility but has weak armor, Also has a destructible roof which protects your buddies from damage. Upgrade Armor first.

While driving this car, ♥♥♥♥ has Pig (Aubrey) mask from Hotline Miami.
Unlocked by default



2 seated car from Muscle car series. Two seats is its main problem, You'll always have problems either with Passenger's health or Car's HP itself, because only one passenger can take either Medkit or Wrench. This car's purpose is to ram others offroad. Try focusing on your crew defences first if you're taking wrench. Since it is easier for everyone to hit the car instead of the passengers, and generally food items are more cheaper.
Unlocked by defeating Saw Groupie



Truck with armored rear and 4 seats. One of the best cars around. Upgrade mobility first. No super weapons.
Unlocked by defeating Groupie from outer space



Rocket Car. Has only 2 seats. That causes most of the problems, either healing or repairing. Exhaust deals massive damage and can even burn through Groupies Tanks front armor. Focus on armor and Crew Defences. Take wrench and try staying to the left of the road.
Unlocked by defeating Tank Groupies



Wonderful... "Car". Rollers can quickly take out vehicles on sides, 3 Seats allow you to complete the game with no sweat. Default preset - Driver with Kevlar, Passenger with Medkit, Passenger with Wrench. Your best bet would be attacking cars from the left since only one of your passengers will get damage (3rd). Upgrade Defences for him, Mobility, Armor.
Unlocked by defeating Jenny5.



One of the "Turret" car series. There're 5 of them. This one in particular is not as good as it seems. Low Firerate and Projectile speed is low. And only one seat where passenger can use Active Abilities.
Unlocked by getting good ending (♥♥♥♥ alive. Everyone has tickets.)



Another one of "Turret Five". This car's DPS is higher than Rocket one, As you figured it uses double Machine cannons. Which means that Rate Of Fire is lower than quad Machine guns, but damage is better.
Unlocked by getting bad ending (♥♥♥♥ alive. No tickets)



That's what we're talking about! Quad machine guns allow you to dish out mad DPS.
High density of fire allows you to barrage fire, and Turret damage is good even until Finale. One of the best for Arcade mode.
Unlocked by Messiah ending (♥♥♥♥ dead. Everyone has tickets.)



Another turret, Melee variant. Same problem - Not enough active ability seats.
Unlocked by getting Very Bad Ending (♥♥♥♥ dead. No tickets.)



Last of the "Turret Five". Very arguable decision. Surely, It has one of the most powerful weapons in the game. The catch? You can't turn it and it faces only one side. If enemy emerges from the other side, you'll have trouble, especially if it is a Tank or another armored car, which loves to attack from far away and not change positions. Not enough active ability seats + Turret Problem can become critical. And you're pretty much screwed if 2 melee enemy lads get on the other side of yer vehicle.
Unlocked by getting all endings.



Good car. First of all, has armored rear as Grusom Armored Truck. Second of all, everyone gets healed for free in the same fashion as with medkit, but without using any abilities or whatsoever. Basically, your crew's almost invincible. Give everyone stuff to repair car and you'll be happy.
Obviously you should upgrade armor and mobility.
Unlocked with Bucketlist achievement



"Pimped" variant of default car. Less armor, hidden task gives solid money, but it is important to note that you get money by ONLY RAMMING PEDESTRIANS, SHOOTING WILL NOT GIVE YOU MONEY
Unlocked with BJ/HJ/whatever achievement.



Muscle Car This car has metal spikes on it sides that do decent melee damage which'll be pretty decent until lategame, Crew is immune to damage so you just need to get a wrench, upgrade armor on the car + mobility and have a ranged passenger. WARNING, THE ROOF CAN BE DESTROYED (and repaired) IF DAMAGED ENOUGH, WHICH MEANS YOUR CREW CAN STILL DIE. No Super weapons here.
Unlocked with Metal! Achievement.



Chaos Ride. Mixes Tasks Every minute or so, so you can wait a bit if you don't like your current tasks. Stats are similliar to those of default car.
Unlocked with Anarchy! Achievement.

Another Muscle car. Same problem. There are 2 machine guns which shoot only forward, which is one of its problems, Machine gun's damage is quite bad if you don't have a "Better ranged damage" sticker. Main tactic with this car is to stick to the bottom of the screen and shoot everyone from there. I used wrench in my playthrough and got to the finale (But died to V666 due to no medkits and flamethrower spam from enemies).
Unlocked with Enraged. Achievement
I cannot recommend using this car mostly due to personal experience. The problem about saw heal/repair is that it'll be only good till mid-game or so. Shops will never have: Food, Repair kits, Wrench and Medkit. Another huge problem is that the saw will either fix or heal. it cannot do both at the same time, so it is still pretty easy to die. And just pray to damn god you won't get more than 2 Saw robots at once. You can p.much wave goodbye to your run if you get 4 of them.
Unlocked with "Fat Blood" Achievement.


This car is good, Its special weapon is a turret which does decent splash damage, use it against passengers for best damage, hard to aim, bounces off.
Unlocked with "ET thrash home" achievement.

Weird car. Invulnerable in combat but the damage reduces its stats. That's why you should always keep track of your hp since if it falls too much, Car's speed will be so low it'll go off-screen and you'll be done for. Also has an easily destroyable/repairable roof. No super weapons here.
Unlocked with "Change" Achievement.

Being a Horseman Of The Apocalypse isn't the easiest job, y'know. The car itself has half width of original car. Back Melee legs work in somewhere around ~60-80 degrees, Damage is somewhere between crowbar and bat. Front machineguns do semi-decent damage. I'm fairly sure it is possible to complete the game using it, but you'll need both luck and skill for it. Upgrade Defences on ♥♥♥♥ and Everything on car. No super weapons here. Your best bet would be Boss Mode. Just pray to Horse God you won't get V666 as your final boss
Unlocked with "Horsey" achievement.
Starter's car variant focused on melee. Not a bad choice but nothing special. Just pray you'll have enough steering to counter Bumper Groupies.
Unlocked with "Rumble!" Achievement.

Sadomasochist car. To repair the car you have to damage the crew, the 150% health is surprisingly very effective, but I never got a wrench nor a medkit in my runs. I never had much difficulties doing runs on this car, anyway. Fender and Defensive drugs are reccomended
Unlocked with "The Pain!" Achievement
From the description you know that the main tactic for this vehicle is ranged weapons. 2 people with ranged can make your run a succesful. Melee guy will be weak, but nothing to do about that. You have to kill the Brain Tank groupie somehow.
Unlocked with "Guns and fun" achievement.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! IT'S A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TANK!
Basically, Meet the tank. Rocket version. What could go wrong? Problem is that Tank can't go shopping. Therefore you can't repair it at all. The whole gameplay becomes arcade mode - Infinite war. But even in arcade mode you don't get random stuff for tank. No chance for repair. 2nd problem: Despite that this is a bloody tank, Front armor is practically invulnerable, whereas rear part is very, VERY weak. Your best bet to complete the run would be Boss mode.

♥♥♥♥ has a helmet on him while driving Tank.
All tanks are unlocked by killing 25K people (They're all dead! achievement)
Same as with Rocket version. Different weapon, same problems
Well, you get it. Look at the first tank in the series.
You get this science wonder for getting all achievements. Absolutely OP(OverPowered) in all senses. Basically, What is Mecha-♥♥♥♥? Mecha-♥♥♥♥ is a tank with Mecha-♥♥♥♥'s head on top of it. Weapon is multiple rockets shoot in a volley(valley?). Can be damaged from everywhere, BUT! It one shots everything. Even Final boss is taken down from 3 shots. This car can't be repaired like every other tank.

♥♥♥♥'s portrait becomes Mecha-♥♥♥♥.

Pretty cool car. Almost as cool as Ambulance. Your crew is invincible in this car, They take no damage. Van itself has low armor, That is why you should upgrade it first. Upgrade only attack for passengers since they won't have to take damage. No Super Weapons here.
Unlocked with "Brutal Peace" achievement.

Not a bad choice either. Average stats and 4 seats, 2 strapped passengers at front allow you to take out people more efficently. You don't get Super Weapons on this car.
Unlocked with "Hockey!" Achievement.

Fancy car. Very small and agile. Pushing ANYTHING offroad becomes a major pain in the arse. So the whole gameplay is around going fast and not let others push you around.
The only Motorcycle in the game. The hitbox on this one is very bloody weird. It has the same problem as Mini Whiner, You won't be able to push anyone lategame. at all. Saw does good damage so you should try attacking from the right, focus on driver's resistances first, then on passenger, Armor upgrades for car can help you out alot, Last goes Passenger's Damage. Get a Wrench and focus your buddy on ranged .
Unlocked with "Bear." Achievement.

Original car. Not only in name. But that it has only one seat. No weapons on this car. But it has an energy shield which blocks and returns all damage back. Shield activation costs money, though. So always have atleast 1000$ with you on the road. 2000$ for Bosses. Following that rule you should reach the finale without any problems. Main weapon is ramming. That is why you should take tasks related to ramming and upgrade steering. Upgrading driver is completely unnecessary. You don't get super weapons on this car.
Unlocked by defeating Brain Tank Groupie

This is it, for now. If anyone has any info to add, Feel free to comment below. I'm fairly sure I made some typos/mistakes here and there.

I just translated this guide, You should thank KaranaK for writing the original russian version of this guide.