This is not a real guide. This is a meme. If you actually get good from this... congrats? You're probably a skate god already.

Don't know what you're doing?

Neither do I.

Just spin the sticks like you're trying to launch a Beyblade and pray for a kickflip.

🧠 Pro Tip: If you fall, just say you were going for a "realistic ragdoll physics test."

If you can't land tricks, at least land them with flair:

Mid-air grab? ✅

Weird hand gesture? ✅

Landing on your face? 🤕 Still counts if it looked cool.

📸 Take a screenshot of your bails and say it's “performance art.”

The controls are:

Intuitive: ❌

Friendly: ❌

Designed by Satan himself: ✅

👊 But once you kinda get it, it feels amazing. Like riding a unicorn made of Gatorade.

Go everywhere.

Rooftops? Skateable.

Random staircases? Skateable.

Your character's shins after hitting a pole at Mach 3? Not so skateable.

📍If it looks like you're not supposed to be there, you are definitely supposed to be there.

Fall through the map? Artistic.
Board clips into the wall? Secret trick.
Launch into the stratosphere? NASA speedrun.

⚠️ If you’re not breaking the laws of physics, are you even playing SKATE?

Manuals = Flex

360 flips = Show-off

Accidentally grinding a rail after 27 tries = Legend status

Doing a trick ON PURPOSE = You’re clearly cheating

"Skateboarding is like life. You fall, you get back up. And then you fall again. And again. And again. Then rage quit."

– Socrates (probably)