Plants vs. Zombies: Game of the Year

Plants vs. Zombies: Game of the Year

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Why the Conehead Zombie is Sexually Deviant (And Proud of It)
By Ady
An academic deep dive into the depravity of the Conehead Zombie. This guide will expose why he isn’t just tougher than the Browncoat, but a fetish-driven, cone-wielding degenerate who proudly embraces his kinks on your lawn.
   
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Introduction
The browncoat zombie is weak, boring, and vanilla. But the conehead zombie? He is different. He doesn’t just wear a cone because it’s “armor.” He wears it because it’s his identity, his fetish, his kink. Today I will be exposing the truth about why Conehead Zombie enjoys pegging.
Evidence #1
Let’s be real, that cone isn’t just a piece of construction equipment. It’s literally shaped like a pegging device. It’s orange, it’s long, and it’s sharp. Coincidence? No. Symbolism. He parades across your lawn with it strapped to his skull like some twisted neon billboard screaming: “This zombie bottoms.”
Evidence #2
Conehead Zombie takes an absurd amount of hits compared to a normal zombie. Why? Because this man has built up tolerance. Years of “training” have made him resistant to pain. He doesn’t flinch at peas because he’s been through worse. MUCH worse.
Evidence #3
Watch his animation closely. That wide, awkward shuffle isn’t just because he’s undead. It’s the gait of a man who’s been rearranged repeatedly and comes back for more. His hips tell a story.
Conclusion
The Conehead Zombie is more than just a tougher grunt. He’s an icon of depravity, a connoisseur of pegging, a degenerate trailblazer marching proudly onto your lawn with his orange cone of shame strapped to his skull. He isn’t just after your brains, he’s after validation.
3 Comments
schnorbly 28 Sep @ 1:18pm 
thank you, i've been saying this for years.
Ady  [author] 27 Sep @ 7:13pm 
The guide
The Celestial 26 Sep @ 9:51am 
What did i just read