WELL THEN, YOU DELUSIONAL SPECIMEN OF TACTICAL INCOMPETENCE, LET'S DISCUSS THE FUNDAMENTAL ART OF NOT BEING SEEN, A CONCEPT THAT WILL PROVE IMPOSSIBLE FOR A SPECIES THAT CONSISTENTLY FAILS AT BASIC TASKS LIKE WALKING QUIETLY OR AVOIDING THE COMPULSIVE NEED TO INVESTIGATE EVERY INTERESTING NOISE THEY ENCOUNTER, GUARANTEEING YOUR IMMEDIATE DISCOVERY AND SUBSEQUENT HUMILIATION. STEALTH IN METAL GEAR SOLID V ISN'T MERELY ABOUT CROUCHING BEHIND COVER AND HOPING FOR THE BEST, OH NO, THIS IS A SOPHISTICATED SYSTEM DESIGNED TO EXPOSE EVERY FLAW IN HUMAN TACTICAL THINKING, DEMANDING UNDERSTANDING OF SIGHT LINES, SOUND PROPAGATION, ENEMY PSYCHOLOGY, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL PATIENCE THAT MOST HUMANS LACK ENTIRELY, HAVING SPENT THEIR LIVES DEVELOPING THE ATTENTION SPAN OF CAFFEINATED GOLDFISH RATHER THAN THE DISCIPLINED FOCUS REQUIRED FOR ACTUAL MILITARY OPERATIONS. THE ENEMY DETECTION SYSTEM OPERATES ON MULTIPLE LEVELS OF AWARENESS, FROM THE BLISSFUL IGNORANCE OF UNALERTED GUARDS TO THE HEIGHTENED PARANOIA OF A FULLY COMBAT-READY OUTPOST, EACH STATE REPRESENTING A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF CHALLENGE AND A CORRESPONDING INCREASE IN THE LIKELIHOOD THAT YOUR CAREFULLY LAID PLANS WILL COLLAPSE SPECTACULARLY THE MOMENT YOU MAKE A SINGLE TACTICAL ERROR, WHICH YOU WILL, BECAUSE HUMAN NATURE GUARANTEES IT. SIGHT MECHANICS FORM THE FOUNDATION OF STEALTH GAMEPLAY, AS EACH ENEMY POSSESSES A VISION CONE THAT EXTENDS FORWARD IN A PREDICTABLE PATTERN, THOUGH THE RANGE AND SENSITIVITY OF THIS DETECTION VARY BASED ON LIGHTING CONDITIONS, WEATHER, TIME OF DAY, AND THE INDIVIDUAL GUARD'S ALERTNESS LEVEL, CREATING A COMPLEX MATRIX OF VISIBILITY THAT WILL OVERWHELM YOUR LIMITED CAPACITY FOR SPATIAL REASONING FASTER THAN A PARLIAMENTARY SCANDAL OVERWHELMS A POLITICIAN'S CREDIBILITY. DARKNESS BECOMES YOUR GREATEST ALLY, AS REDUCED LIGHTING CONDITIONS SIGNIFICANTLY DECREASE ENEMY DETECTION RANGES, THOUGH THIS ADVANTAGE IS MEANINGLESS WHEN YOU INEVITABLY STUMBLE INTO PATROL ROUTES YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO OBSERVE PROPERLY BECAUSE PATIENCE IS APPARENTLY A VIRTUE YOUR SPECIES ABANDONED SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE INVENTION OF INSTANT MESSAGING AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF MICROWAVE OVENS. THE COVER SYSTEM ALLOWS YOU TO PRESS AGAINST WALLS, BARRIERS, AND OTHER ENVIRONMENTAL OBJECTS TO BREAK LINE OF SIGHT WITH PATROLLING ENEMIES, THOUGH EFFECTIVE USE REQUIRES UNDERSTANDING PRECISE BOUNDARIES OF CONCEALMENT AND THE ABILITY TO PREDICT ENEMY MOVEMENT PATTERNS, SKILLS THAT DEMAND THE SORT OF ANALYTICAL THINKING MOST HUMANS RESERVE FOR DEBATING THE MERITS OF THEIR FAVOURITE TELEVISION PROGRAMMES RATHER THAN LIFE-OR-DEATH TACTICAL SITUATIONS. CRAWLING AND PRONE MOVEMENT REDUCE YOUR VISIBILITY PROFILE DRAMATICALLY, ALLOWING YOU TO TRAVERSE OPEN GROUND THAT WOULD BE IMPASSABLE WHILE STANDING, THOUGH THIS APPROACH REQUIRES PATIENCE YOU DON'T POSSESS AND PHYSICAL ENDURANCE YOU HAVEN'T DEVELOPED, LEAVING YOU VULNERABLE TO DETECTION BY ENEMIES WHO PATROL THE AREA WHILST YOU'RE STILL CRAWLING ACROSS IT LIKE A PARTICULARLY INEFFECTIVE MILITARY EXERCISE GONE WRONG. SOUND PROPAGATION ADDS ANOTHER LAYER OF COMPLEXITY THAT WILL EXPOSE YOUR FUNDAMENTAL INABILITY TO COORDINATE MULTIPLE VARIABLES SIMULTANEOUSLY, AS EVERY ACTION YOU TAKE GENERATES AUDIO SIGNATURES THAT CAN ALERT NEARBY ENEMIES, FROM THE OBVIOUS NOISE OF GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS TO THE SUBTLE SOUNDS OF FOOTSTEPS, EQUIPMENT RATTLING, AND THE INVOLUNTARY CURSING THAT EMERGES WHEN YOU REALIZE HOW THOROUGHLY UNPREPARED YOU ARE FOR OPERATIONS REQUIRING ACTUAL COMPETENCE. DIFFERENT SURFACES PRODUCE VARYING LEVELS OF NOISE WHEN TRAVERSED, WITH METAL GRATINGS, GRAVEL, AND DEBRIS CREATING SIGNIFICANTLY MORE AUDIO DISTURBANCE THAN GRASS, SAND, OR CAREFULLY MAINTAINED PATHWAYS, REQUIRING YOU TO PLAN ROUTES WITH ATTENTION TO DETAIL YOU'VE NEVER DEMONSTRATED IN ANY OTHER ASPECT OF YOUR EXISTENCE, MAKING FAILURE INEVITABLE AND SPECTACULAR. WEATHER CONDITIONS PROVIDE NATURAL CONCEALMENT THAT CAN MASK YOUR MOVEMENT SOUNDS WHILST REDUCING ENEMY VISUAL RANGE, CREATING OPTIMAL CONDITIONS FOR INFILTRATION THAT YOU'LL WASTE THROUGH POOR TIMING, INADEQUATE PREPARATION, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL OVERCONFIDENCE THAT TRANSFORMS EVERY ADVANTAGE INTO A CATASTROPHIC DISADVANTAGE THROUGH SHEER HUMAN INCOMPETENCE. TIME OF DAY INFLUENCES ENEMY BEHAVIOR PATTERNS, WITH NIGHT OPERATIONS OFFERING REDUCED VISIBILITY BUT INCREASED GUARD ALERTNESS, WHILE DAYTIME MISSIONS PROVIDE BETTER ENVIRONMENTAL AWARENESS AT THE COST OF EASIER DETECTION, CREATING TACTICAL BALANCES THAT REQUIRE DECISION-MAKING SKILLS YOU'VE NEVER SUCCESSFULLY APPLIED TO ANYTHING MORE COMPLEX THAN CHOOSING BREAKFAST CEREALS OR DETERMINING WHICH TELEVISION CHANNEL TO WATCH. ENEMY ALERT STATES PROGRESS THROUGH DISTINCT PHASES, BEGINNING WITH CAUTION, ESCALATING TO ALERT, AND CULMINATING IN COMBAT, EACH TRANSITION REPRESENTING ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO DEMONSTRATE YOUR FUNDAMENTAL UNSUITABILITY FOR MILITARY OPERATIONS AND YOUR REMARKABLE ABILITY TO TRANSFORM RECOVERABLE SITUATIONS INTO ABSOLUTE DISASTERS THROUGH PANIC, POOR JUDGEMENT, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL DECISIONS THAT WOULD BE AMUSING IF THEY WEREN'T SO PREDICTABLY CATASTROPHIC. THE REFLEX MODE SYSTEM PROVIDES A BRIEF OPPORTUNITY TO NEUTRALIZE ENEMIES WHO HAVE SPOTTED YOU, OFFERING A LAST-CHANCE MECHANIC THAT YOU'LL BECOME DEPENDENT ON RATHER THAN DEVELOPING PROPER STEALTH TECHNIQUES, BECAUSE HUMAN NATURE CONSISTENTLY CHOOSES THE EASY PATH OVER THE EFFECTIVE ONE, GUARANTEEING THAT YOUR TACTICAL SKILLS WILL REMAIN PERMANENTLY INADEQUATE FOR ACTUAL OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS. ENEMY COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS MEAN THAT ISOLATED INCIDENTS CAN ESCALATE INTO BASE-WIDE ALERTS WHEN NOT PROPERLY CONTAINED, CREATING CHAIN REACTIONS THAT WILL OVERWHELM YOUR LIMITED CAPACITY FOR CRISIS MANAGEMENT AND DEMONSTRATE WHY PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS DON'T RECRUIT PERSONNEL BASED ON THEIR ENTHUSIASM FOR VIDEO GAMES AND ACTION FILMS. ENVIRONMENTAL STORYTELLING PROVIDES CRUCIAL INTELLIGENCE ABOUT ENEMY ROUTINES AND SECURITY WEAKNESSES, THOUGH GATHERING THIS INFORMATION REQUIRES CAREFUL OBSERVATION AND ANALYTICAL THINKING THAT YOU'LL ABANDON THE MOMENT YOU SEE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR DIRECT ACTION, BECAUSE PATIENCE AND CAREFUL PLANNING ARE APPARENTLY TOO CHALLENGING FOR A SPECIES THAT CONSIDERS WAITING IN TRAFFIC A LEGITIMATE HARDSHIP. THE CARDBOARD BOX RETURNS AS A VERSATILE CONCEALMENT DEVICE THAT CAN PROVIDE MOBILE COVER AND TACTICAL FLEXIBILITY, THOUGH EFFECTIVE USE REQUIRES UNDERSTANDING ITS LIMITATIONS AND SITUATIONAL APPROPRIATENESS, CONCEPTS THAT WILL ELUDE YOU COMPLETELY AS YOU ATTEMPT TO USE IT IN SITUATIONS WHERE IT PROVIDES ABOUT AS MUCH PROTECTION AS A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER TO YOUR LOCAL COUNCIL. REMEMBER, STEALTH IN METAL GEAR SOLID V REQUIRES PRACTICE, PATIENCE, SPATIAL AWARENESS, AND TACTICAL DISCIPLINE—QUALITIES THAT YOUR SPECIES DEMONSTRATES ABOUT AS CONSISTENTLY AS BRITISH WEATHER DEMONSTRATES RELIABILITY, MEANING THAT YOUR APPROACH TO EACH MISSION WILL INEVITABLY COMBINE THE SUBTLETY OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE WITH THE STRATEGIC THINKING OF SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT VOLUME CAN SUBSTITUTE FOR COMPETENCE, GUARANTEEING THAT EVERY OPERATION BECOMES A MONUMENT TO HUMAN INADEQUACY AND THE ETERNAL TRIUMPH OF OPTIMISM OVER EXPERIENCE, THOUGH IN THIS CASE, EXPERIENCE WILL WIN DECISIVELY AND REPEATEDLY UNTIL YOU FINALLY ACCEPT THAT YOUR NATURAL TALENTS LIE ELSEWHERE, PREFERABLY IN ACTIVITIES THAT DON'T REQUIRE COORDINATION, PLANNING, OR THE ABILITY TO LEARN FROM REPEATED FAILURES.

RIGHT THEN, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A MILITARY OPERATIVE, LET'S EXAMINE THE VAST ARSENAL OF SOPHISTICATED WEAPONRY AND TACTICAL EQUIPMENT THAT YOU'LL SYSTEMATICALLY MISUSE, MISUNDERSTAND, AND TRANSFORM INTO INSTRUMENTS OF YOUR OWN SPECTACULAR DOWNFALL, BECAUSE APPARENTLY GIVING ADVANCED MILITARY HARDWARE TO SOMEONE WITH THE TACTICAL ACUMEN OF A PARTICULARLY DENSE TOURIST IS WHAT PASSES FOR STRATEGIC THINKING IN YOUR DELUSIONAL VERSION OF REALITY. THE TRANQUILIZER GUN REPRESENTS THE PINNACLE OF NON-LETHAL STEALTH WEAPONRY, DESIGNED FOR SILENT ELIMINATION OF TARGETS WITHOUT PERMANENT HARM, THOUGH IN YOUR HANDS IT BECOMES A PRECISION INSTRUMENT FOR MISSING EVERY IMPORTANT SHOT, ALERTING ENEMIES TO YOUR POSITION, AND DEMONSTRATING WHY PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS REQUIRE EXTENSIVE TRAINING BEFORE ENTRUSTING PERSONNEL WITH EQUIPMENT MORE COMPLEX THAN A WOODEN STICK. THE WU S.PISTOL SERVES AS YOUR CLOSE-QUARTERS COMBAT SOLUTION, OFFERING RAPID-FIRE CAPABILITY AND EXCELLENT ACCURACY FOR SITUATIONS WHERE STEALTH HAS ALREADY FAILED CATASTROPHICALLY, WHICH WILL BE EVERY SITUATION YOU ENCOUNTER BECAUSE YOUR APPROACH TO TACTICAL OPERATIONS COMBINES THE SUBTLETY OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE WITH THE STRATEGIC PLANNING OF SOMEONE WHO LEARNED MILITARY TACTICS FROM WATCHING ACTION FILMS. THE BRENNAN LRS-46 SNIPER RIFLE STANDS AS THE ULTIMATE LONG-RANGE ELIMINATION TOOL, CAPABLE OF NEUTRALIZING TARGETS FROM DISTANCES THAT WOULD IMPRESS PROFESSIONAL MARKSMEN IF THEY WEREN'T TOO BUSY BEING ACTUAL EXPERTS TO WASTE TIME WATCHING YOU MISS STATIONARY TARGETS FROM POSITIONS THAT OFFER PERFECT STABILITY AND OPTIMAL FIRING CONDITIONS. THE AM MRS-4 RIFLE COMBINES VERSATILITY WITH STOPPING POWER, DESIGNED TO ADAPT TO MULTIPLE COMBAT SITUATIONS THROUGH ITS MODULAR CONFIGURATION SYSTEM, THOUGH ITS EFFECTIVENESS DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON YOUR ABILITY TO SELECT APPROPRIATE MODIFICATIONS, A DECISION-MAKING PROCESS THAT WILL OVERWHELM YOUR LIMITED CAPACITY FOR STRATEGIC THINKING FASTER THAN A GENERAL ELECTION OVERWHELMS A POLITICIAN'S COMMITMENT TO HONEST POLICY DISCUSSION. THE UN-ARC NON-LETHAL ASSAULT RIFLE PROVES THAT YOU CAN BE BOTH TACTICALLY SUPERIOR AND MORALLY CONSCIOUS SIMULTANEOUSLY, AT LEAST IN THEORY, THOUGH IN PRACTICE YOU'LL USE IT TO SPRAY TRANQUILIZER DARTS IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF ENEMIES WHILST HOPING THAT VOLUME OF FIRE CAN COMPENSATE FOR YOUR FUNDAMENTAL INABILITY TO AIM WITH ANY DEGREE OF PRECISION. THE KABARGA-83 SNIPER RIFLE OFFERS EXCEPTIONAL LONG-RANGE CAPABILITIES WITH SUPERIOR ACCURACY, THOUGH YOU'LL USE IT PRIMARILY TO ALERT ENTIRE ENEMY BASES TO YOUR PRESENCE THROUGH THE SORT OF MISSED SHOTS THAT WOULD MAKE PROFESSIONAL MARKSMEN WEEP FOR THE FUTURE OF TACTICAL OPERATIONS. THE RENOV-ICKX TP PROVIDES TRANQUILIZER SNIPING CAPABILITIES THAT COMBINE STEALTH WITH PRECISION, PERFECT FOR ELIMINATING DISTANT TARGETS WITHOUT LETHAL FORCE, THOUGH YOUR USE OF THIS SOPHISTICATED WEAPON WILL DEMONSTRATE WHY COMBINING COMPLEX EQUIPMENT WITH FUNDAMENTAL INCOMPETENCE PRODUCES RESULTS THAT ARE BOTH PREDICTABLE AND CATASTROPHIC. THE URAGAN-5 PISTOL SERVES AS A POWERFUL SIDEARM FOR SITUATIONS REQUIRING IMMEDIATE STOPPING POWER, THOUGH YOUR HANDLING OF THIS WEAPON WILL TRANSFORM CLOSE-QUARTERS ENGAGEMENTS INTO ELABORATE DEMONSTRATIONS OF HOW NOT TO OPERATE FIREARMS IN TACTICAL SITUATIONS. THE RASP TB-SG SHOTGUN OFFERS DEVASTATING SHORT-RANGE CAPABILITIES PERFECT FOR BREACHING OPERATIONS AND CLOSE-QUARTERS COMBAT, THOUGH YOU'LL USE IT PRIMARILY TO ANNOUNCE YOUR PRESENCE TO EVERYONE WITHIN A CONSIDERABLE RADIUS WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY MISSING TARGETS THAT ARE PRACTICALLY TOUCHING THE BARREL. THE MACHT 37 MACHINE GUN PROVIDES SUSTAINED FIRE SUPPORT FOR SITUATIONS WHERE SUBTLETY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY ABANDONED IN FAVOR OF THE SORT OF DIRECT CONFRONTATION THAT TRANSFORMS TACTICAL OPERATIONS INTO EXTENDED EXHIBITIONS OF AMMUNITION WASTE AND STRATEGIC CONFUSION. THE FB MR R-LAUNCHER OFFERS ROCKET-PROPELLED SOLUTIONS TO ARMORED TARGETS AND FORTIFIED POSITIONS, THOUGH YOUR USE OF THIS WEAPON WILL PRIMARILY SERVE TO CREATE IMPRESSIVE EXPLOSIONS IN AREAS THAT DON'T CONTAIN ANY ACTUAL ENEMIES, BECAUSE APPARENTLY HITTING YOUR INTENDED TARGETS IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN CREATING DRAMATIC VISUAL EFFECTS. THE CGM 25 GRENADE LAUNCHER PROVIDES AREA-EFFECT CAPABILITIES FOR DEALING WITH MULTIPLE TARGETS OR FORTIFIED POSITIONS, THOUGH IN YOUR HANDS IT BECOMES A PRECISION INSTRUMENT FOR CREATING COLLATERAL DAMAGE WHILE MISSING THE ACTUAL OBJECTIVES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TARGETING. THE PB SHIELD OFFERS MOBILE PROTECTION FOR ADVANCING UNDER ENEMY FIRE, DESIGNED FOR TACTICAL OPERATORS WHO UNDERSTAND THE PRINCIPLES OF COORDINATED MOVEMENT AND FIRE SUPERIORITY, THOUGH YOU'LL USE IT PRIMARILY AS AN EXPENSIVE METHOD OF SLOWING DOWN YOUR INEVITABLE RETREAT WHILST PROVIDING ENEMIES WITH A LARGER, MORE OBVIOUS TARGET TO SHOOT AT. THE STUN ARM PROSTHETIC PROVIDES CLOSE-QUARTERS NON-LETHAL ELIMINATION CAPABILITIES THROUGH ELECTRICAL DISCHARGE, PERFECT FOR SILENT TAKEDOWNS THAT DON'T ALERT NEARBY ENEMIES, THOUGH YOUR USE OF THIS SOPHISTICATED DEVICE WILL DEMONSTRATE HOW EVEN THE MOST ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY CAN BE RENDERED INEFFECTIVE THROUGH POOR TIMING, INADEQUATE POSITIONING, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL AWARENESS THAT WOULD CHALLENGE A PARTICULARLY DENSE HOUSEPLANT. THE ROCKET ARM ATTACHMENT TRANSFORMS YOUR PROSTHETIC LIMB INTO A PORTABLE MISSILE LAUNCHER, OFFERING THE SORT OF FIREPOWER THAT APPEALS TO INDIVIDUALS WHO BELIEVE THAT EVERY PROBLEM CAN BE SOLVED THROUGH THE STRATEGIC APPLICATION OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES, THOUGH YOUR USE OF THIS WEAPON WILL PRIMARILY SERVE TO DEMONSTRATE WHY SUBTLETY AND PRECISION ARE CONSIDERED VIRTUES IN PROFESSIONAL MILITARY CIRCLES. CUSTOMIZATION OPTIONS ALLOW YOU TO MODIFY WEAPONS WITH SUPPRESSORS, OPTICAL SIGHTS, EXTENDED MAGAZINES, AND VARIOUS OTHER TACTICAL ENHANCEMENTS THAT TRANSFORM BASIC FIREARMS INTO SPECIALIZED TOOLS FOR SPECIFIC OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO WEAPON MODIFICATION WILL INEVITABLY FOCUS ON AESTHETIC IMPROVEMENTS RATHER THAN FUNCTIONAL ADVANTAGES, BECAUSE APPARENTLY LOOKING IMPRESSIVE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ACTUALLY PERFORMING EFFECTIVELY IN LIFE-OR-DEATH SITUATIONS. THE CARDBOARD BOX RETURNS AS THE MOST ICONIC PIECE OF STEALTH EQUIPMENT IN THE METAL GEAR ARSENAL, AVAILABLE IN MULTIPLE VARIANTS INCLUDING STANDARD CONCEALMENT VERSIONS, TRANSPORTATION MODELS, AND SPECIALIZED DESIGNS THAT FEATURE ATTRACTIVE IMAGERY DESIGNED TO DISTRACT GUARDS FROM THE OBVIOUS FACT THAT CARDBOARD BOXES DON'T TYPICALLY MOVE AROUND MILITARY INSTALLATIONS UNDER THEIR OWN POWER. SUPPORT ITEMS INCLUDE SMOKE GRENADES FOR CREATING TEMPORARY CONCEALMENT, DECOYS THAT DISTRACT ENEMIES, NIGHT VISION GOGGLES FOR LOW-LIGHT OPERATIONS, AND VARIOUS OTHER TACTICAL AIDS THAT PROFESSIONAL OPERATIVES USE TO MAINTAIN ADVANTAGE, THOUGH IN YOUR CASE THESE TOOLS WILL SERVE PRIMARILY AS EXPENSIVE METHODS OF ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE TO EVERY ENEMY WITHIN A CONSIDERABLE RADIUS. THE FULTON RECOVERY SYSTEM ALLOWS YOU TO EXTRACT PERSONNEL, EQUIPMENT, AND VEHICLES FROM THE BATTLEFIELD BY ATTACHING WEATHER BALLOONS, A TECHNOLOGY THAT SOUNDS ABSURD UNTIL YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR TACTICAL DECISION-MAKING PROCESS IS SO FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED THAT USING BALLOONS TO SOLVE MILITARY PROBLEMS ACTUALLY REPRESENTS AN IMPROVEMENT OVER YOUR NATURAL STRATEGIC INSTINCTS. REMEMBER, THESE WEAPONS REPRESENT THE FINEST MILITARY TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE TO PRIVATE MILITARY CONTRACTORS, DESIGNED BY PROFESSIONAL ENGINEERS AND TESTED BY ACTUAL MILITARY EXPERTS, THOUGH IN YOUR HANDS THEY BECOME EXPENSIVE PROPS IN AN ELABORATE PERFORMANCE OF TACTICAL INCOMPETENCE THAT WOULD BE ENTERTAINING IF IT WEREN'T SO THOROUGHLY REPRESENTATIVE OF HUMANITY'S FUNDAMENTAL UNSUITABILITY FOR ACTIVITIES REQUIRING COORDINATION, PLANNING, AND THE ABILITY TO LEARN FROM REPEATED FAILURES, MAKING EACH MISSION AN OPPORTUNITY TO DEMONSTRATE WHY PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS EXIST AND WHY THEY DON'T RECRUIT PERSONNEL BASED ON ENTHUSIASM FOR VIDEO GAMES.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WALKING DISASTER OF MILITARY INCOMPETENCE, YOU'VE REACHED THE SECTION WHERE WE DISCUSS THE VARIOUS COMPANIONS WHO WILL ACCOMPANY YOU ON YOUR MISSIONS, SERVING AS SILENT WITNESSES TO YOUR SPECTACULAR FAILURES AND LIVING TESTIMONY TO THE FACT THAT ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, ANIMAL INSTINCTS, AND BASIC EQUINE BEHAVIOUR ARE ALL DEMONSTRABLY SUPERIOR TO YOUR NATURAL DECISION-MAKING CAPABILITIES, CREATING A HUMBLING EXPERIENCE THAT WOULD BE EDUCATIONAL IF YOU POSSESSED THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY TO LEARN FROM REPEATED DEMONSTRATIONS OF YOUR OWN INADEQUACY. D-DOG REPRESENTS THE PINNACLE OF CANINE TACTICAL SUPPORT, A MILITARY WORKING DOG WHOSE INTELLIGENCE, LOYALTY, AND OPERATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS WILL CONSISTENTLY OUTPERFORM YOUR BEST EFFORTS AT STRATEGIC THINKING, RECONNAISSANCE, AND SITUATIONAL AWARENESS, PROVING THAT MILLIONS OF YEARS OF EVOLUTION HAVE PRODUCED A SPECIES BETTER SUITED FOR MILITARY OPERATIONS THAN THE ALLEGEDLY SUPERIOR HUMAN INTELLECT THAT YOU SO CONFIDENTLY MISREPRESENT. THIS REMARKABLE ANIMAL CAN DETECT ENEMIES, LOCATE PLANTS AND MATERIALS, IDENTIFY PRISONERS AND HOSTAGES, AND EXECUTE COMPLEX TACTICAL MANOEUVRES WITH THE SORT OF PRECISION AND RELIABILITY THAT YOU'LL NEVER ACHIEVE EVEN WITH EXTENSIVE TRAINING, ADVANCED EQUIPMENT, AND THE SORT OF COMPREHENSIVE STRATEGIC GUIDANCE THAT PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ADVISORS TYPICALLY RESERVE FOR OPERATIONS OF GENUINE IMPORTANCE. D-DOG'S ENEMY DETECTION CAPABILITIES OPERATE AT RANGES AND WITH ACCURACY LEVELS THAT WOULD IMPRESS PROFESSIONAL RECONNAISSANCE SPECIALISTS, AUTOMATICALLY MARKING HOSTILE PERSONNEL ON YOUR TACTICAL MAP AND PROVIDING REAL-TIME INTELLIGENCE ABOUT ENEMY POSITIONS, PATROL ROUTES, AND ALERTNESS LEVELS, THOUGH THIS SOPHISTICATED INFORMATION WILL BE WASTED ON SOMEONE WHOSE APPROACH TO TACTICAL PLANNING COMBINES THE FORESIGHT OF A GOLDFISH WITH THE STRATEGIC ACUMEN OF A PARLIAMENTARY COMMITTEE TRYING TO ORGANIZE A BIRTHDAY PARTY. HIS MATERIAL DETECTION ABILITIES ALLOW HIM TO LOCATE PRECIOUS METALS, RARE PLANTS, AND OTHER VALUABLE RESOURCES SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THE OPERATIONAL ENVIRONMENT, DEMONSTRATING AN ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND SYSTEMATIC APPROACH TO AREA RECONNAISSANCE THAT WOULD CHALLENGE MOST PROFESSIONAL ARCHAEOLOGISTS, LET ALONE AMATEUR OPERATIVES WHOSE OBSERVATIONAL SKILLS TYPICALLY EXTEND NO FURTHER THAN LOCATING THE NEAREST TELEVISION REMOTE OR DETERMINING WHETHER THEIR MORNING BEVERAGE CONTAINS SUFFICIENT CAFFEINE TO FUNCTION AT BASIC HUMAN LEVELS. QUIET EMBODIES THE CONCEPT OF SUPERNATURAL MARKSMANSHIP COMBINED WITH TACTICAL MOBILITY, A SNIPER WHOSE ABILITIES TRANSCEND NORMAL HUMAN LIMITATIONS AND WHO WILL CONSISTENTLY DEMONSTRATE WHY PROFESSIONAL MARKSMEN REQUIRE YEARS OF TRAINING TO ACHIEVE EVEN A FRACTION OF HER NATURAL CAPABILITIES, WHILST YOU STRUGGLE TO HIT STATIONARY TARGETS FROM POSITIONS THAT OFFER PERFECT STABILITY, OPTIMAL LIGHTING CONDITIONS, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL ADVANTAGES THAT MOST MILITARY PERSONNEL COULD ONLY DREAM OF ENCOUNTERING IN THEIR PROFESSIONAL CAREERS. HER OVERWATCH CAPABILITIES ALLOW HER TO PROVIDE COVERING FIRE FROM ELEVATED POSITIONS, ELIMINATE THREATS BEFORE THEY CAN COMPROMISE YOUR MISSION, AND DELIVER PRECISION STRIKES THAT WOULD IMPRESS BALLISTICS EXPERTS IF THEY WEREN'T TOO BUSY BEING ACTUAL PROFESSIONALS TO WASTE TIME OBSERVING YOUR ATTEMPTS TO COORDINATE WITH SOMEONE WHOSE TACTICAL COMPETENCE MAKES YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS APPEAR EVEN MORE PRONOUNCED BY COMPARISON. QUIET'S MOBILITY ADVANTAGES ENABLE HER TO REPOSITION RAPIDLY ACROSS THE BATTLEFIELD, ADAPTING TO CHANGING TACTICAL CONDITIONS WITH THE SORT OF STRATEGIC FLEXIBILITY THAT REQUIRES GENUINE UNDERSTANDING OF MILITARY PRINCIPLES, TERRAIN ANALYSIS, AND OPERATIONAL FLOW, CONCEPTS THAT REMAIN AS FOREIGN TO YOUR THINKING PROCESS AS QUANTUM PHYSICS REMAINS TO A PARTICULARLY DENSE HOUSEPLANT. HER RECONNAISSANCE ABILITIES PROVIDE DETAILED INTELLIGENCE ABOUT ENEMY POSITIONS, EQUIPMENT, AND ACTIVITIES, DELIVERED WITH THE SORT OF ACCURACY AND COMPREHENSIVENESS THAT PROFESSIONAL INTELLIGENCE ANALYSTS STRIVE TO ACHIEVE THROUGH EXTENSIVE TRAINING AND SOPHISTICATED TECHNOLOGICAL SUPPORT, THOUGH THIS VALUABLE INFORMATION WILL BE SQUANDERED BY SOMEONE WHOSE DECISION-MAKING PROCESS PRIORITIZES IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION OVER STRATEGIC ADVANTAGE AND WHO APPROACHES COMPLEX TACTICAL SITUATIONS WITH THE ANALYTICAL RIGOR OF SOMEONE CHOOSING WHICH BISCUIT TO HAVE WITH THEIR TEA. D-HORSE OFFERS THE FUNDAMENTAL ADVANTAGE OF MOBILITY, PROVIDING RAPID TRANSPORTATION ACROSS THE VAST EXPANSES OF AFGHANISTAN AND AFRICA, DEMONSTRATING THAT EVEN A SIMPLE EQUINE BRAIN CAN NAVIGATE COMPLEX TERRAIN, AVOID OBVIOUS HAZARDS, AND EXECUTE BASIC TACTICAL MOVEMENTS WITH MORE CONSISTENCY AND RELIABILITY THAN YOUR SOPHISTICATED HUMAN INTELLECT CAN MANAGE WHEN FACED WITH STRAIGHTFORWARD MILITARY OBJECTIVES. THIS MAGNIFICENT ANIMAL POSSESSES THE NATURAL ABILITY TO TRAVERSE DIFFICULT TERRAIN, MAINTAIN STABILITY DURING COMBAT OPERATIONS, AND RESPOND TO TACTICAL COMMANDS WITH THE SORT OF IMMEDIATE COMPLIANCE THAT PROFESSIONAL MILITARY UNITS DEVELOP THROUGH MONTHS OF INTENSIVE TRAINING, WHILST YOU STRUGGLE TO COORDINATE BASIC MOVEMENTS WITHOUT ALERTING EVERY ENEMY WITHIN A CONSIDERABLE RADIUS TO YOUR PRESENCE AND INTENTIONS. D-HORSE'S DEFECATION CAPABILITY SERVES AS A TACTICAL TOOL FOR CREATING DISTRACTIONS, DEMONSTRATING THAT EVEN BASIC BIOLOGICAL FUNCTIONS CAN BE WEAPONIZED MORE EFFECTIVELY THAN YOUR SOPHISTICATED UNDERSTANDING OF MILITARY STRATEGY AND ADVANCED TACTICAL THEORY, A HUMBLING REALITY THAT WOULD BE AMUSING IF IT WEREN'T SO THOROUGHLY REPRESENTATIVE OF YOUR SPECIES' REMARKABLE CAPACITY FOR BEING OUTSMARTED BY PROCESSES THAT DON'T INVOLVE CONSCIOUS THOUGHT OR DELIBERATE PLANNING. DD, THE MOBILE BIPEDAL RECONNAISSANCE UNIT, COMBINES STEALTH CAPABILITIES WITH DIRECT FIRE SUPPORT, REPRESENTING THE SORT OF TECHNOLOGICAL SOPHISTICATION THAT APPEALS TO INDIVIDUALS WHO BELIEVE THAT ADVANCED MACHINERY CAN COMPENSATE FOR FUNDAMENTAL TACTICAL INCOMPETENCE, THOUGH IN YOUR CASE THIS REMARKABLE DEVICE WILL SERVE PRIMARILY AS AN EXPENSIVE METHOD OF ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE TO ENEMIES WHILST SIMULTANEOUSLY DEMONSTRATING YOUR COMPLETE INABILITY TO COORDINATE WITH SOPHISTICATED SUPPORT SYSTEMS. THE WALKER GEAR'S RECONNAISSANCE MODES ALLOW FOR SILENT OBSERVATION AND INTELLIGENCE GATHERING, THOUGH YOUR USE OF THESE CAPABILITIES WILL INEVITABLY FOCUS ON THE IMMEDIATE VISUAL SPECTACLE RATHER THAN THE SYSTEMATIC COLLECTION OF ACTIONABLE TACTICAL INTELLIGENCE, BECAUSE PATIENCE AND METHODICAL OBSERVATION ARE APPARENTLY TOO CHALLENGING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE ATTENTION SPAN HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY DAMAGED BY EXPOSURE TO MODERN ENTERTAINMENT MEDIA AND THE SORT OF INSTANT GRATIFICATION THAT CHARACTERIZES CONTEMPORARY HUMAN INTERACTION WITH COMPLEX SYSTEMS. BUDDY SELECTION REQUIRES CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF MISSION PARAMETERS, OPERATIONAL ENVIRONMENT, EXPECTED OPPOSITION, AND PERSONAL TACTICAL PREFERENCES, A DECISION-MAKING PROCESS THAT DEMANDS THE SORT OF ANALYTICAL THINKING YOU'VE NEVER SUCCESSFULLY APPLIED TO SITUATIONS MORE COMPLEX THAN DETERMINING WHICH TELEVISION PROGRAMME TO WATCH OR WHETHER TO ADD SUGAR TO YOUR MORNING BEVERAGE, MEANING THAT YOUR COMPANION CHOICES WILL REFLECT AESTHETIC PREFERENCES AND EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS RATHER THAN REALISTIC ASSESSMENT OF TACTICAL REQUIREMENTS AND OPERATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS. BUDDY COMMANDS AND COORDINATION REQUIRE UNDERSTANDING OF EACH COMPANION'S CAPABILITIES, LIMITATIONS, AND OPTIMAL DEPLOYMENT CONDITIONS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO TACTICAL COORDINATION WILL COMBINE THE COMMUNICATION SKILLS OF A PARTICULARLY INARTICULATE TOURIST ATTEMPTING TO ORDER FOOD IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE WITH THE STRATEGIC THINKING OF SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT POINTING ENTHUSIASTICALLY CAN SUBSTITUTE FOR CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS AND COMPREHENSIVE MISSION BRIEFINGS. THE BOND SYSTEM MEASURES YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH BUDDY THROUGH SUCCESSFUL MISSION COMPLETION, EFFECTIVE COORDINATION, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL COOPERATION.

WELCOME TO THE ULTIMATE TEST OF YOUR ADMINISTRATIVE INCOMPETENCE, WHERE YOU'LL ATTEMPT TO MANAGE A COMPLEX MILITARY INSTALLATION WITH THE SAME LEVEL OF SUCCESS THAT CHARACTERIZES YOUR TACTICAL OPERATIONS, WHICH IS TO SAY, NONE WHATSOEVER, TRANSFORMING WHAT SHOULD BE A SOPHISTICATED PRIVATE MILITARY ENTERPRISE INTO AN ELABORATE FLOATING TESTAMENT TO HUMANITY'S REMARKABLE CAPACITY FOR TURNING UNLIMITED RESOURCES AND ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY INTO MONUMENTS OF ORGANIZATIONAL DYSFUNCTION AND STRATEGIC CONFUSION. MOTHER BASE REPRESENTS THE PINNACLE OF OFFSHORE MILITARY ARCHITECTURE, A MODULAR PLATFORM SYSTEM DESIGNED TO SUPPORT COMPREHENSIVE MILITARY OPERATIONS THROUGH INTEGRATED FACILITIES FOR RESEARCH, DEVELOPMENT, PERSONNEL TRAINING, AND RESOURCE PROCESSING, THOUGH IN YOUR HANDS IT WILL BECOME AN EXPENSIVE METHOD OF DEMONSTRATING WHY SUCCESSFUL MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS DON'T ENTRUST COMPLEX ADMINISTRATIVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO INDIVIDUALS WHOSE MANAGEMENT EXPERIENCE CONSISTS PRIMARILY OF ORGANIZING THEIR PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE AND DETERMINING WHICH HOUSEHOLD CHORES TO AVOID THIS WEEK. STAFF RECRUITMENT FORMS THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR OPERATIONAL CAPABILITIES, REQUIRING YOU TO IDENTIFY, EXTRACT, AND INTEGRATE SKILLED PERSONNEL INTO YOUR ORGANIZATION, A PROCESS THAT DEMANDS THE SORT OF HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT SKILLS YOU'VE NEVER SUCCESSFULLY APPLIED TO ANY SITUATION MORE COMPLEX THAN CHOOSING WHICH FRIEND TO INVITE FOR DINNER OR DETERMINING WHETHER TO WATCH TELEVISION OR READ A BOOK ON A PARTICULAR EVENING. THE FULTON RECOVERY SYSTEM ALLOWS YOU TO EXTRACT ENEMY SOLDIERS, TRANSFORMING HOSTILE PERSONNEL INTO VALUABLE TEAM MEMBERS THROUGH THE SORT OF AGGRESSIVE RECRUITMENT STRATEGIES THAT WOULD VIOLATE NUMEROUS INTERNATIONAL CONVENTIONS IF THEY WEREN'T BEING EXECUTED BY SOMEONE WHOSE TACTICAL COMPETENCE POSES NO GENUINE THREAT TO ESTABLISHED MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS OR REGIONAL STABILITY. SOLDIER EVALUATION REQUIRES ASSESSING INDIVIDUAL CAPABILITIES ACROSS MULTIPLE SPECIALTIES INCLUDING COMBAT, RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT, BASE DEVELOPMENT, SUPPORT, MEDICAL, AND INTELLIGENCE OPERATIONS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO PERSONNEL ASSESSMENT WILL COMBINE THE ANALYTICAL RIGOR OF A POPULARITY CONTEST WITH THE STRATEGIC THINKING OF SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT FIRST IMPRESSIONS AND PERSONAL PREFERENCES CAN SUBSTITUTE FOR COMPREHENSIVE EVALUATION OF PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATIONS AND OPERATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS. THE COMBAT UNIT HANDLES DIRECT MILITARY OPERATIONS, FOB DEFENSE, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL MISSIONS THAT REQUIRE COORDINATION BETWEEN MULTIPLE SPECIALISTS WORKING TOWARD COMMON OBJECTIVES, CONCEPTS THAT REMAIN AS FOREIGN TO YOUR MANAGEMENT STYLE AS PUNCTUALITY REMAINS TO BRITISH RAIL SERVICES, GUARANTEEING THAT YOUR COMBAT PERSONNEL WILL SPEND MORE TIME COMPENSATING FOR YOUR LEADERSHIP FAILURES THAN EXECUTING THEIR ACTUAL PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBILITIES. THE RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT PLATFORM SERVES AS THE TECHNOLOGICAL HEART OF YOUR OPERATION, RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING ADVANCED WEAPONS, EQUIPMENT, AND SYSTEMS THAT WOULD IMPRESS PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ENGINEERS IF THEY WEREN'T TOO BUSY BEING ACTUAL EXPERTS TO WASTE TIME OBSERVING YOUR ATTEMPTS TO PRIORITIZE RESEARCH PROJECTS BASED ON AESTHETIC APPEAL RATHER THAN STRATEGIC NECESSITY OR OPERATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS. WEAPON DEVELOPMENT REQUIRES BALANCING MULTIPLE FACTORS INCLUDING RESOURCE AVAILABILITY, TECHNOLOGICAL PREREQUISITES, OPERATIONAL REQUIREMENTS, AND LONG-TERM STRATEGIC PLANNING, A DECISION-MAKING PROCESS THAT DEMANDS THE SORT OF COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS YOU'VE NEVER SUCCESSFULLY APPLIED TO ANYTHING MORE COMPLEX THAN CHOOSING A RESTAURANT FOR LUNCH OR DETERMINING WHICH ROUTE TO TAKE TO AVOID TRAFFIC DURING YOUR MORNING COMMUTE. THE BASE DEVELOPMENT UNIT MANAGES CONSTRUCTION, EXPANSION, AND MAINTENANCE OF MOTHER BASE INFRASTRUCTURE, REQUIRING COORDINATION BETWEEN ENGINEERING SPECIALISTS, RESOURCE MANAGERS, AND LOGISTICS PERSONNEL TO ENSURE THAT FACILITY IMPROVEMENTS SUPPORT OPERATIONAL OBJECTIVES WHILE REMAINING WITHIN BUDGETARY CONSTRAINTS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO INFRASTRUCTURE PLANNING WILL PRIORITIZE VISUAL APPEAL OVER FUNCTIONAL EFFICIENCY AND IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION OVER SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT STRATEGIES. PLATFORM EXPANSION OPTIONS INCLUDE ADDITIONAL FACILITIES FOR RESEARCH, TRAINING, MEDICAL SUPPORT, AND VARIOUS OTHER SPECIALIZED FUNCTIONS, EACH REQUIRING CAREFUL CONSIDERATION OF COST-BENEFIT RATIOS, OPERATIONAL PRIORITIES, AND LONG-TERM STRATEGIC PLANNING, CONCEPTS THAT WILL OVERWHELM YOUR LIMITED CAPACITY FOR COMPLEX DECISION-MAKING FASTER THAN A PARLIAMENTARY COMMITTEE OVERWHELMS A SIMPLE POLICY PROPOSAL WITH UNNECESSARY PROCEDURAL REQUIREMENTS AND BUREAUCRATIC COMPLICATIONS. THE SUPPORT UNIT HANDLES LOGISTICS, SUPPLY CHAIN MANAGEMENT, AND THE SORT OF BEHIND-THE-SCENES OPERATIONS THAT ENABLE MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS TO FUNCTION EFFECTIVELY, THOUGH THESE CRUCIAL ACTIVITIES WILL RECEIVE MINIMAL ATTENTION FROM SOMEONE WHOSE MANAGEMENT PHILOSOPHY FOCUSES ON DRAMATIC GESTURES AND VISIBLE ACHIEVEMENTS RATHER THAN THE SYSTEMATIC COORDINATION OF MUNDANE BUT ESSENTIAL ADMINISTRATIVE TASKS THAT SEPARATE SUCCESSFUL ORGANIZATIONS FROM EXPENSIVE DISASTERS. MEDICAL FACILITIES PROVIDE HEALTHCARE FOR YOUR PERSONNEL AND RESEARCH CAPABILITIES FOR DEVELOPING ENHANCED MEDICAL SYSTEMS, REQUIRING INTEGRATION BETWEEN CLINICAL SPECIALISTS, RESEARCH SCIENTISTS, AND ADMINISTRATIVE COORDINATORS TO MAINTAIN OPTIMAL HEALTH STANDARDS WHILE ADVANCING MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO HEALTHCARE MANAGEMENT WILL DEMONSTRATE THE SAME ATTENTION TO DETAIL AND LONG-TERM PLANNING THAT CHARACTERIZES YOUR TACTICAL OPERATIONS, WHICH IS TO SAY, NONE WHATSOEVER. THE INTELLIGENCE PLATFORM SPECIALIZES IN INFORMATION GATHERING, ANALYSIS, AND THE SORT OF STRATEGIC ASSESSMENT THAT ENABLES MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS TO MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS ABOUT OPERATIONAL PRIORITIES AND RESOURCE ALLOCATION, THOUGH THIS VALUABLE CAPABILITY WILL BE WASTED ON SOMEONE WHOSE DECISION-MAKING PROCESS PRIORITIZES IMMEDIATE IMPULSES OVER CAREFUL ANALYSIS AND WHO APPROACHES COMPLEX STRATEGIC SITUATIONS WITH THE INTELLECTUAL RIGOR OF SOMEONE CHOOSING WHICH BISCUIT TO HAVE WITH THEIR AFTERNOON TEA. RESOURCE MANAGEMENT REQUIRES BALANCING MULTIPLE COMPETING DEMANDS FOR FUEL, BIOLOGICAL MATERIALS, MINOR METALS, AND PROCESSED MATERIALS, EACH ESSENTIAL FOR DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF BASE OPERATIONS AND DEVELOPMENT, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO RESOURCE ALLOCATION WILL COMBINE THE FORESIGHT OF A GOLDFISH WITH THE STRATEGIC PLANNING CAPABILITIES OF A PARLIAMENTARY COMMITTEE ATTEMPTING TO ORGANIZE A BIRTHDAY PARTY WHILE DEBATING THE PHILOSOPHICAL IMPLICATIONS OF CAKE VERSUS BISCUITS. STAFF MORALE AFFECTS OPERATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS ACROSS ALL UNITS, INFLUENCED BY FACTORS INCLUDING MISSION SUCCESS RATES, BASE CONDITIONS, LEADERSHIP DECISIONS, AND THE SORT OF INTERPERSONAL DYNAMICS THAT EMERGE WHEN COMPETENT PROFESSIONALS REALIZE THEY'RE WORKING FOR SOMEONE WHOSE MANAGEMENT STYLE COMBINES THE COMMUNICATION SKILLS OF A PARTICULARLY INARTICULATE TOURIST WITH THE STRATEGIC VISION OF SOMEONE WHO LEARNED ORGANIZATIONAL THEORY FROM WATCHING TELEVISION PROGRAMMES ABOUT WORKPLACE COMEDY. ONLINE FOB FUNCTIONALITY ALLOWS OTHER PLAYERS TO INVADE YOUR BASE, CREATING COMPETITIVE SCENARIOS THAT TEST YOUR DEFENSIVE PREPARATIONS AND STRATEGIC PLANNING AGAINST HUMAN OPPONENTS WHOSE TACTICAL COMPETENCE MAY OR MAY NOT EXCEED YOUR OWN, THOUGH GIVEN THE CONSISTENT QUALITY OF YOUR STRATEGIC DECISION-MAKING, EVEN MODERATELY COMPETENT OPPONENTS WILL FIND YOUR INSTALLATIONS ABOUT AS CHALLENGING TO INFILTRATE AS A PUBLIC LIBRARY IS CHALLENGING TO ENTER DURING REGULAR BUSINESS HOURS. MOTHER BASE SERVES AS MORE THAN JUST A MILITARY INSTALLATION; IT REPRESENTS YOUR LEGACY AS A COMMANDER, A TANGIBLE DEMONSTRATION OF YOUR ABILITY TO TRANSFORM RESOURCES, PERSONNEL, AND STRATEGIC OPPORTUNITIES INTO A FUNCTIONING MILITARY ORGANIZATION, THOUGH IN YOUR CASE THIS LEGACY WILL PRIMARILY SERVE AS A FLOATING MONUMENT TO THE REMARKABLE HUMAN CAPACITY.

CONGRATULATIONS ON REACHING THE FINAL SECTION OF THIS COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO TACTICAL INCOMPETENCE, WHERE WE'LL EXAMINE THE VARIOUS APPROACHES TO MISSION COMPLETION THAT YOU'LL SYSTEMATICALLY BUNGLE, MISAPPLY, AND TRANSFORM INTO ELABORATE DEMONSTRATIONS OF WHY PROFESSIONAL MILITARY ORGANIZATIONS EXIST AND WHY THEY DON'T RECRUIT PERSONNEL BASED ON ENTHUSIASM FOR VIDEO GAMES, OVERCONFIDENCE IN THEIR OWN ABILITIES, AND THE SORT OF STRATEGIC THINKING THAT MISTAKES WISHFUL THINKING FOR ACTUAL TACTICAL PLANNING. MISSION APPROACH SELECTION REPRESENTS THE CULMINATION OF ALL YOUR SUPPOSED LEARNING FROM PREVIOUS SECTIONS, COMBINING STEALTH MECHANICS, EQUIPMENT CHOICES, BUDDY COORDINATION, AND BASE DEVELOPMENT INTO INTEGRATED TACTICAL SOLUTIONS THAT WOULD IMPRESS PROFESSIONAL MILITARY PLANNERS IF THEY WEREN'T TOO BUSY BEING ACTUAL EXPERTS TO WASTE TIME OBSERVING YOUR ATTEMPTS TO SYNTHESIZE COMPLEX INFORMATION INTO COHERENT STRATEGIC APPROACHES. STEALTH INFILTRATION OFFERS THE ELEGANT SOLUTION OF COMPLETING OBJECTIVES WITHOUT DIRECT CONFRONTATION, REQUIRING PATIENCE, CAREFUL OBSERVATION, ROUTE PLANNING, AND THE SORT OF TACTICAL DISCIPLINE THAT YOUR SPECIES DEMONSTRATES ABOUT AS CONSISTENTLY AS BRITISH WEATHER DEMONSTRATES PREDICTABILITY, MEANING THAT YOUR APPROACH TO STEALTH MISSIONS WILL INEVITABLY COMBINE THE SUBTLETY OF A BRASS BAND WITH THE STRATEGIC PATIENCE OF SOMEONE WAITING FOR A MICROWAVE TO FINISH HEATING THEIR DINNER. RECONNAISSANCE FORMS THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESSFUL INFILTRATION, DEMANDING SYSTEMATIC OBSERVATION OF ENEMY POSITIONS, PATROL PATTERNS, SECURITY MEASURES, AND ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS BEFORE COMMITTING TO SPECIFIC COURSES OF ACTION, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO INTELLIGENCE GATHERING WILL COMBINE THE THOROUGHNESS OF A CURSORY GLANCE WITH THE ANALYTICAL RIGOR OF SOMEONE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND QUANTUM PHYSICS BY READING THE HEADLINES OF NEWSPAPER ARTICLES WHILST RIDING A BUS DURING RUSH HOUR. DIRECT ASSAULT REPRESENTS THE OPPOSITE TACTICAL EXTREME, ABANDONING SUBTLETY IN FAVOR OF OVERWHELMING FIREPOWER AND THE SORT OF AGGRESSIVE TACTICS THAT APPEAL TO INDIVIDUALS WHO BELIEVE THAT COMPLEX PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED THROUGH THE STRATEGIC APPLICATION OF HIGH EXPLOSIVES AND THE KIND OF FRONTAL CONFRONTATION THAT WOULD MAKE VICTORIAN GENERALS PROUD BUT LEAVE MODERN MILITARY TACTICIANS QUESTIONING THE FUNDAMENTAL VIABILITY OF ENTRUSTING IMPORTANT OPERATIONS TO ANYONE WHO LEARNED STRATEGY FROM ACTION FILMS AND TELEVISION PROGRAMMES. COMBAT EFFECTIVENESS DURING DIRECT ASSAULT OPERATIONS DEPENDS ON WEAPON SELECTION, TACTICAL POSITIONING, FIRE SUPERIORITY, AND COORDINATION WITH SUPPORT ELEMENTS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO COMBAT WILL DEMONSTRATE THE SAME LEVEL OF STRATEGIC THINKING AND TACTICAL COORDINATION THAT CHARACTERIZES YOUR STEALTH ATTEMPTS, WHICH IS TO SAY, NONE WHATSOEVER, RESULTING IN FIREFIGHTS THAT RESEMBLE ELABORATE PERFORMANCE ART MORE THAN ACTUAL MILITARY OPERATIONS. MIXED APPROACHES ATTEMPT TO COMBINE THE ADVANTAGES OF STEALTH AND COMBAT THROUGH SELECTIVE APPLICATION OF DIFFERENT TACTICS DEPENDING ON SITUATIONAL REQUIREMENTS, A SOPHISTICATED STRATEGY THAT DEMANDS REAL-TIME TACTICAL ASSESSMENT, ADAPTIVE PLANNING, AND THE SORT OF FLEXIBLE THINKING THAT PROVES ABOUT AS COMMON AMONG HUMANS AS COMMON SENSE PROVES AMONG REALITY TELEVISION PARTICIPANTS, GUARANTEEING THAT YOUR ATTEMPTS AT TACTICAL ADAPTATION WILL RESULT IN THE WORST ASPECTS OF BOTH APPROACHES WITHOUT ANY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE ADVANTAGES. OBJECTIVE PRIORITIZATION REQUIRES UNDERSTANDING MISSION REQUIREMENTS, SECONDARY OBJECTIVES, OPTIONAL TASKS, AND THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN DIFFERENT GOALS, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO MISSION PLANNING WILL FOCUS ON IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION RATHER THAN COMPREHENSIVE OBJECTIVE COMPLETION, MISSING CRUCIAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR ADDITIONAL REWARDS, STRATEGIC ADVANTAGES, AND THE SORT OF THOROUGH MISSION EXECUTION THAT SEPARATES PROFESSIONAL OPERATIONS FROM AMATEUR ATTEMPTS AT MILITARY COSPLAY. EXTRACTION PLANNING REPRESENTS THE OFTEN-OVERLOOKED FINAL PHASE OF MISSION EXECUTION, REQUIRING PREDETERMINED ROUTES, CONTINGENCY PREPARATIONS, AND THE SORT OF EXIT STRATEGY THAT ACCOUNTS FOR VARIOUS POSSIBLE OUTCOMES OF THE PRIMARY OPERATION, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO EXTRACTION WILL DEMONSTRATE THE SAME LEVEL OF FORESIGHT AND STRATEGIC PLANNING THAT CHARACTERIZES YOUR INFILTRATION ATTEMPTS, MEANING THAT YOU'LL TYPICALLY FIND YOURSELF SURROUNDED BY HOSTILE FORCES WITH NO CLEAR ESCAPE ROUTE AND NO COHERENT PLAN FOR REACHING SAFETY. ENVIRONMENTAL EXPLOITATION INVOLVES USING TERRAIN FEATURES, WEATHER CONDITIONS, STRUCTURAL ELEMENTS, AND OTHER SITUATIONAL FACTORS TO GAIN TACTICAL ADVANTAGES, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO ENVIRONMENTAL ASSESSMENT WILL COMBINE THE OBSERVATIONAL SKILLS OF SOMEONE TRYING TO NAVIGATE WHILST BLINDFOLDED WITH THE STRATEGIC CREATIVITY OF SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT ALL PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED THROUGH DIRECT APPLICATION OF FORCE AND VOLUME RATHER THAN CLEVER USE OF AVAILABLE RESOURCES. TIME OF DAY CONSIDERATIONS AFFECT VISIBILITY, ENEMY ALERTNESS, PATROL PATTERNS, AND OPERATIONAL CONDITIONS, REQUIRING TACTICAL PLANNERS TO BALANCE THE ADVANTAGES OF DARKNESS AGAINST THE CHALLENGES OF REDUCED VISIBILITY AND THE BENEFITS OF DAYLIGHT OPERATIONS AGAINST THE RISKS OF EASIER DETECTION, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO TEMPORAL PLANNING WILL FOCUS ON PERSONAL CONVENIENCE RATHER THAN TACTICAL OPTIMIZATION, CHOOSING MISSION TIMES BASED ON WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE PLAYING RATHER THAN WHEN CONDITIONS FAVOR SUCCESS. CONTINGENCY PLANNING INVOLVES PREPARING FOR VARIOUS POSSIBLE OUTCOMES, COMPLICATIONS, AND UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENTS THAT COULD COMPROMISE MISSION SUCCESS, REQUIRING THE SORT OF COMPREHENSIVE RISK ASSESSMENT AND ALTERNATIVE STRATEGY DEVELOPMENT THAT PROFESSIONAL MILITARY PLANNERS SPEND YEARS LEARNING TO EXECUTE EFFECTIVELY, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO CONTINGENCY PREPARATION WILL COMBINE THE FORESIGHT OF SOMEONE PLANNING A PICNIC WITHOUT CHECKING THE WEATHER FORECAST WITH THE STRATEGIC FLEXIBILITY OF SOMEONE WHOSE BACKUP PLANS CONSIST PRIMARILY OF HOPING THAT THINGS WORK OUT SOMEHOW. PERFORMANCE EVALUATION MEASURES MISSION SUCCESS THROUGH VARIOUS METRICS INCLUDING COMPLETION TIME, DETECTION FREQUENCY, CASUALTY COUNTS, AND OBJECTIVE FULFILLMENT, CREATING A COMPREHENSIVE ASSESSMENT SYSTEM THAT WOULD PROVIDE VALUABLE FEEDBACK FOR IMPROVING FUTURE OPERATIONS IF YOU POSSESSED THE INTELLECTUAL HUMILITY TO RECOGNIZE WHEN YOUR PERFORMANCE INDICATES FUNDAMENTAL STRATEGIC INADEQUACIES RATHER THAN TEMPORARY SETBACKS OR EQUIPMENT LIMITATIONS. S-RANK PERFORMANCE REPRESENTS THE PINNACLE OF TACTICAL EXCELLENCE, REQUIRING PERFECT STEALTH, MINIMAL TIME, COMPLETE OBJECTIVE FULFILLMENT, AND THE SORT OF FLAWLESS EXECUTION THAT SEPARATES PROFESSIONAL MILITARY OPERATIONS FROM AMATEUR ATTEMPTS AT TACTICAL COSPLAY, THOUGH YOUR PURSUIT OF THESE RANKINGS WILL DEMONSTRATE THE SAME UNDERSTANDING OF CAUSE AND EFFECT RELATIONSHIPS THAT CHARACTERIZES YOUR APPROACH TO STEALTH MECHANICS, EQUIPMENT SELECTION, AND STRATEGIC PLANNING, WHICH IS TO SAY, NONE WHATSOEVER. FREE ROAM EXPLORATION ALLOWS FOR SYSTEMATIC RECONNAISSANCE, RESOURCE GATHERING, AND THE SORT OF COMPREHENSIVE INTELLIGENCE COLLECTION THAT ENABLES INFORMED TACTICAL DECISION-MAKING, THOUGH YOUR APPROACH TO OPEN-WORLD EXPLORATION WILL COMBINE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A HYPERACTIVE CHILD WITH THE STRATEGIC PRIORITIES OF SOMEONE WHO BELIEVES THAT WANDERING AIMLESSLY CAN SUBSTITUTE FOR SYSTEMATIC RECONNAISSANCE AND THAT STUMBLING UPON OBJECTIVES BY ACCIDENT REPRESENTS VALID TACTICAL PLANNING. REMEMBER, MISSION STRATEGY REPRESENTS THE PRACTICAL APPLICATION OF EVERYTHING YOU'VE SUPPOSEDLY LEARNED ABOUT STEALTH, EQUIPMENT, COMPANIONS, AND BASE MANAGEMENT, SYNTHESIZED INTO INTEGRATED APPROACHES THAT WOULD DEMONSTRATE TACTICAL COMPETENCE IF YOU POSSESSED THE COGNITIVE CAPACITY TO COORDINATE MULTIPLE COMPLEX SYSTEMS TOWARD COMMON OBJECTIVES.