It's happened to all of us; there you are at your desk, working diligently on your project, you take a couple of breaks and definitely aren't thinking about her. You decide to go outside to look for some bats but alas, you instead find a young woman singing alone at night in a run down church instead.

She looks beautiful but you aren't fooled, this is clearly a monstrous fiend of the fungal variety. Naturally you leave and run back home, but this is no good, shes so mesmerising that there's no way you can complete your thesis now.

She's taken over all your thoughts and is the only thing you can think about, better go take care of it.

Every modern scholar such as yourself knows that preparation is the first important step, after all "by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail".

Head down to the local store and purchase your tools, the girl may be an otherworldly horror, but thankfully your combined knowledge of Doctor Who and Supernatural has made you master of facing the paranormal.

You want mainly three things:

Fungicide Spray Bottle:
Your loyal sidearm, this will be your secondary weapon if the Mycelium Menace enters close range. Ensure it is easily accessible and purchase multiple to ensure a rich ammo supply (or wield one in each hand).



Pump Action Pressure Sprayer:
Excalibur, Gungnir and Durandel are all well known iconic weapons throughout history, all shall pale in comparison to your own; the Pressure Sprayer. This will be your primary weapon, and your best shot at defeating the Mold Soul before she enters melee range. Fill up the bottle (at least a litre) and ensure its ready to go before entering the woods. The Cap-tivator does not leave her lair to attack which implies that she can in fact be slain. Steel yourself and keep a mental tally of shots fired to ensure you don't hear the "dead woman's click".



Fungicide Pint
The least important of the three but still highly recommended, use either a spare litre or your Pressure Sprayer bottle when you manage to fell the Cordyceps Creeper as a sort of "execution" by dumping all its contents onto her. Examine her fighting style and ENSURE it is safe before fighting this way, she may be trying to bait you. If safe, mentally prepare yourself to face her in CQC, she may try to bargain or beguile you like she did at first, but you must hold fast!



While you're at the store, why not treat yourself to a nice pizza?
You'll have earned it when the deed is done!

There is little that can be taught in this section, your encounter with the Sporecerer will be unique depending on your own past interactions, reputation and other various factors.

All we can advise is to study your opponent and plan around them. If she's intimate with you as she “transfers” her spores, surprise attack her with the Squirt Bottle for an easy first strike. If she gets REALLY close, cover your clothes in the Fungicide to ensure any of her strikes harm her in turn. Sure your skin will probably suffer for a few weeks or months, but this is your thesis at stake!

Stay agile, she will likely have the strength advantage, especially if you've already gotten too close to the enemy...

Be brave, aim true, remember your thesis and MOST IMPORTANTLY don't think about how lonely you are! Your ex will definitely take you back after she hears about your triumph over this hard fought challenge!

...and the Fungus Girl.

If you've gotten this far, hopefully it means you have emerged victorious and slain the Lepista Lich!

If so, now is the time to celebrate! Open that pizza, put your favourite episode of Supernatural on and enjoy your evening.

Make sure you have a good night’s sleep. Now you can dedicate the rest of your vacation to your thesis! Doesn't that sound fun? Maybe your ex will call!

...or maybe she wont.

Maybe life will continue to drag along like it always seems too, a merry-go-round that never stops...

At least the girl was nice, before you killed her that is.

Is this a bad ending?

What was this whole guide even about?

I take it back! Go with the girl! Accept the spores! Gift her some fresh nutrient rich material (you) and enjoy your new existence within the fungal lesbian polycule.

Honestly it’s pretty neat!