Step 1: Announce That “You’re Just Having One”
Say it out loud with confidence. Make direct eye contact with your friends. This is the sacred lie that begins every legendary blackout journey.

Step 2: Choose the Cheapest Beer Available
Think flavorless, watery, and mass-produced—if the can has a hunting dog, an eagle, or an American flag, you’re on the right path.

Step 3: Play a Drinking Game You’re Bad At
Beer pong? Flip cup? Quarters? Excellent. Bonus if you barely understand the rules and drink every time someone else scores.

Step 4: Forget Food Exists
Food slows down alcohol absorption. Skip it entirely. Your stomach should be an empty shrine to bad decisions.

Step 5: Ignore the Laws of Physics
Start shotgunning cans like you’re trying to impress a time traveler from the year 1987. Foam in your nostrils? That's just commitment.

Step 6: Make Beer Your Personality
Yell things like “I LOVE THIS STUFF!” or “BRO I’M BUILT DIFFERENT.” Wear a backwards hat. Say “dilly dilly” unironically. If you become the beer, you can’t fear the beer.

Step 7: Reject Water Like It’s a Conspiracy Theory
Water is a myth created by Big Hangover. Stay “hydrated” with more beer. The beer hydrates you with vibes.

Step 8: Blackout Activities Commence
Dance badly. Text your ex. Take a selfie with a raccoon. Attempt to order Uber Eats from your shoe. Your consciousness is fading but your confidence is peaking.

Step 9: Time Travel
Suddenly it’s 3 a.m. You’re lying on a futon that isn’t yours, covered in glitter, holding a cheeseburger, with no memory of steps 6 through 8. You did it.