Being a "noob" is one of the hardest things to do in TF2, and many players have failed trying to let their inner "F2P" shine. But don't worry, you're lucky to have me here.
In this detailed guide, I will be going through all the basics on being a complete "noob" in Team Fortress 2, from how you should Chat, what Loadout you're going to use, and basic "noob" Gameplay. Basically, you'll be mimicking a squeaking noob, which gives you an edge over others since they'll never expect someone like that to rekt them.

Alright, first of, you need a noob-ish name to suit your "noob-ness" in servers, so that other players will believe you are a F2P/Noob/Thai/Whatever. So from here, I'll let the name expert guide you.

HALLO ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
2dei i will teach u hau 2 pik best name for tf2
so u ken make the fukiest fak name u can ♥♥♥♥♥♥ make


Follow this format:
[PREFIX][NAME1](dot)[NAME2][NUMBER][SUFFIX]

PREFIXES:

• [BRONY]
  
• [PRO]
  
• [FaZe]
  
• [MLG]

NAMES:
As for the main name, you can make up one by your own[/url]
Or use the following:

• MLG
  
• HAXXOR
  
• ELITE
  
• PRO
  
• NOSCOPE
  
• SMOKEWEED
  
• CoD
  
• SUPER
  
• XxX

Or you could make up some horrible names by yourself. Just misspell them. or something that has to do with rainbow dash

NUMBERS:

• 1337
  
• 420
  
• 1269
  
• 911
  
• 69

Or any other random numbers you can think of, these above are highly recommended.

SUFFIXES:

• {F2P}
  
• {TH}
  
• XxX

If you followed this format well, you should get something along the lines of these:
=[o.W.n]=buk.yuu1337 {TH}
[BRONY] rinbo.dish69 [PRO]
[FaZe]prosniper234[MLG]

yu fegitz dunno how 2 talk like a pro
let me teech yu


1. Maik sure u haz a badess name liek mine (im xXxXMLGSNIPERWEEDSMOKEXxXx)
2. Say swears in evry sentence
3. Rage after evri death
4. FAK HEER FAK DER occassionally
5. End your rages with !1!!11!!!1 <-- Make sure to add the '1's
6. If there are girls playing, always creep them out becos u r a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ sexy prostitute wif a sexy butt
7.When insulting players ALWAYS make sure u say something about their m0M!!111
8.C0mpare ur pen15 size when arguing
9. Use ur mic and tell evry1 how mad you are and how ur mom is the feking server admin and will ban evry1 for being mean
10. Taunt after evri feking keel becos u r badess

Rage Script for those who can't
If your vocabulary just doesn't allow you to type horrible, feel free to use my rage script:

There are many ideal loadouts a noob would use, but let's start off with the most basic loadout:

Note: After all of the comments about how I should be wearing the provision giggles, I realised I should have mentioned earlier that I can't add them to my loadout, or else my TF2 might crash. So let's just stick with the next "nub" misc, shall we?

Loadout:

• The Phlogistinator/Backburner
  
• Scorch Shot
  
• mili is for nubs
  
• **THE GIBUS

While playing with this loadout, make sure you do NOT press any keys on your keyboard, other than W and your Left-Click(M1). To build up rage from afar, aim at random enemies (Pshhh you dont need to aim) with your scorch shot to build up MMMPH, and when its done, let the gibus on your head take the wheel and you'll somehow get a 69 killstreak. If you're using a Backburner, just pretend you're a spy and your gibus will take care of the rest.

Loadout:

• Cow Mangler 5000/Direct Hit
  
• Buff Banner
  
• Equalizer
  
• **THE GIBUS

Since THAT update, the Cow Mangler, from a completely useless weapon, becomes horribly buffed such that you can now easily spam right-click at chokes for kills. As for the direct hit, just shoot at people. Once your buff has been built, just use your M1 and make people cry. The Equalizer isn't needed though, noobs can't melee.Do NOT bother rocket jumping as it is a useless skill only P2P scrubs use.

Loadout:

• Machina/Sydney Sleeper
  
• Razorback
  
• Machina
  
• ***GIBUSSSS

Lastly, we have this famous (Or should I say Infamous) loadout for Sniper. You don't need anything, you just have to whip out a Machina and start Full-Charge bodyshotting. As for the sydney sleeper, it's basically the same thing, except that you'll drench your enemies in piss, which is always better, right? The Razorback's there so that you don't have to move around worrying about shpees.Remember to do the wave taunt everytime you 360 bodyshot someone,and always put on your gibus.

As a "noob", you will have to NOT understand the concept of friendlies and spycrabs. If you see a spycrab migrating, don't hesitate to kill it. If you see a hoovy sitting in a corner eating a sandvich, steal it.If you see P2P scrubs having a conga party wif da enemy team,do not hesitate to set them all on fire (And taunt after you're done). You're supposed to be an ass like that.

In a match, you have two options of gameplay:
This will startle other players who think that you are actually a nub, and they will underestimate you, giving you a huge advantage over them. And don't forget to taunt after every kill.

If you're gonna do this,you should use the W+M1 Phlog Pyro Loadout referred to above. Just hold down your "W" key, and run towards people. You can be sure that you will get a few kills this way. Don't forget to taunt after every kill.

Scout:
Run in a straight line
Only use your primary weapon

Soldier:
Shoot at others directly in their face (And miss horribly)

Pyro:
Enter the following into your console:

Demoman:
Use your stickybomb launcher to make the most obvious traps you possibly can becos once in a while some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ who is crappier than you will walk into it :). Make sticky traps in shapes on smileys and MAKE IT PERFECT. I PROMISE YOU NO ONE WILL KILL YOU.

Medic:
Watch burning teammates die before you.

Spy:
BUTTERKNIFE and/or THE WATCH OF FEIGNING DEATH.

Hoovy:
Continually Rev up your minigun all the way, dont stop Revving!
(Side note: When you see a friendly low on health and/or on fire, take out your sandvitch and eat it in front of their burning eyes.)

Engie:
Never, I say NEVER build teleporters. They are a complete waste of time. Only build level 1 dispensers and put your sentry in such a was that its facing opposite from where the enemy would be. Also, if you REALLY REALLY have to build teleporters, make sure that the exit teleporter will be facing the wrong way too. (Preferably facing the edge of a cliff or something)

Sniper:
Just sit there with the machina and razorback and camp. Not much to say, really.

Overall, don't forget to be cheap in every sort of way to get a domination on someone who least suspects to be dominated by a "noob".

Being a "noob" is a hard skill to master, so if you fail in your first few tries, don't give up. Your inner F2P will shine one day.

Also, don't forget to wear a Gibus and taunt after every kill!

Gr8, pls r8 8/8 m8 dnt h8