Garry's Mod

Garry's Mod

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How to avoid being cut in half this year
By redeyeglare and 1 collaborators
As you may or may not know, this year the UK's Tory Party will enact their plans to cut every last homeless person in half. In this guide, I will teach you how to avoid this fate if at all possible.
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Don't get distracted!
The first and most important step is to be aware of your surroundings. The UK's Anti-Hobo Squads are everywhere now. Do not be led astray by pleasurable tricks. Look at these two for example.
Do you think either of them have survived the purges? No! These men were day one victims of the homeless purge.
Buy a house
One of the easiest ways to avoid being cut in half is to buy a house, therefore no longer being homeless. However, you often will not have the money to merely BUY a house, especially in this economy (real talk your generation is screwed).
As an alternative, you can always MAKE a house.

As you can see here, this enterprising person has constructed a hood-yurt. This may not save him from the many gangs or random crackheads, but it may just be enough to ward away the Anti-Homeless Squads for some time.

But it doesn't need to be that fancy. This man has constructed a house out of an old box. He may yet survive, though his counterpart who cannot fit inside his house-box may not.
stock up for the journey ahead

If you cannot make a house (and indeed, even this may not help you), then you must run. You can easily obtain nutrient syrup moisture from your local grease food establishment. KFC is recommended because, as you can see above, you can put the chicken into your pockets and fill the bucket with free liquids.

You may also use this chicken and some drugs we found in the dumpster behind the building to power a car. This will let you escape from the death squads cutting people in half, but beware that the more chicken you feed the car, the less you may eat.

You may obtain more food at McDonalds.
I assure you, this is real
Perhaps now you may be asking yourself "but amazing and attractive article author, I haven't seen any of this, you must be taking the piss based on poor wording"
Well, shut your facehole, unwashed reader! If it wasn't real, what is this then?
Yeah, that's what I thought. But don't stop there! This is a REAL picture of a REAL homeless man being cut in half by Anti-Homeless Squads!
I am so messed up man

I am just so done dude, I can't take it anymore. You know they tell you it gets better after you graduate but that's just not true man.
Consider that this may be a good thing
Perhaps you don't want to do this anymore. Perhaps the homeless truly are a blight on society and being cut in half is the only way to make things better for the ones who are left over.

I mean, look at this, some guy was killed by a homeless dude probably. That could be you! You stabbing him I mean, not the victim. In that light, maybe you SHOULD be cut in half. Just putting it out there! Please, don't hurt me!
Ask Shrek for help

You see that? That is the almighty Shrek. Shrek can save you from being cut in half. You just need to pray "Shrek is love, Shrek is life"
He will enter from behind, and it may hurt, but if you please Lord Shrek then you too may not be cut in half.
In conclusion
If you follow these steps carefully, then perhaps you will survive in 2025. Good luck out there, and if you're unsure about anything, consult the Orbs for further help.
13 Comments
Big Enos Burdette 12 Jan @ 2:01pm 
this guide is amazing. when confronted with the rainbow cult always use flamethrowers to ensure proper inner meat temperature so noone gets sick
TruckmanGabe 8 Jan @ 6:08pm 
Y'all don't follow that last step plz. I consulted the orbs and they sliced me in half because they too, had joined the anti-homeless union.
user 7 Jan @ 2:04pm 
oh FINALLY no more homeless people
General Tucker 7 Jan @ 9:51am 
i am still having trouble matching johnothans voice tho any tips?
General Tucker 7 Jan @ 9:50am 
this guide works well but i found it much better to just cut the anti homeless people in half with my homeless made anti homeless people people cutter and THEN, take their house
Goof 7 Jan @ 6:19am 
Bro I remember seeing this meme a year ago and dying of laugter xD not only did you give me a good giggle but you gave me nostalgia as well. Well done mate xD :eagleeye:
lamborghinipro9292 6 Jan @ 12:23pm 
you forgot the part where you could just live anywhere not in UK to avoid getting cut in half
 Dovahbear  5 Jan @ 12:06am 
I opened this guide and immediately thought it was gore based on the quality of the first 3 images
Saxton Hale real 4 Jan @ 3:12pm 
very true I tested it