Welcome to the Pitch Hiker's Guide to Payday 2. Today we will be covering the fundamental process of robbing banks, pulling heists, and naturally: Petty theft, which is obviously a heist. LIKE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SPUTNIK

Ahem.




I AM PITCH

I MAKE GUIDE

SPOILER ALERT:
This isn't serious.


DROP YOUR SOCKS AND GRAB YOUR JOCKS. IT IS TIME TO COVER OUR BASICS.

Normally this would be a multi-step guide consisting of no more than 5 steps to become a master.


BUT NORMAL DOESN'T INVOLVE BREAKING THE LAW, SO I'M PLAYING BY MY OWN RULES AND NOT LISTENING TO MY OWN RULES


♥♥♥♥ YOU

The basics of Payday 2 are as follows:

Gear up
Skill/perk up
Bank robs


Simple, sweet and to the point. We will be covering these topics simply and easily as they come. IN WHICHEVER ORDER I FEEL LIKE DON'T BREAK MY LAMP AND CREATES A PERFECT NARRATIVE OF SOMETHING THAT IS WHITE SOMETHING THAT IS GREY AND SOMETHING THAT IS BLACK

IT IS A DOG



UPON LOADING PAYDAY 2, YOUR SCREEN WILL LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS.



THINGS THAT HAVE AN ARROW SORT OF POINTING AT THEM ARE IMPORTANT

THE REST LITERALLY DOES NOT NEED ANY EXPLANATION BECAUSE THEY EITHER DO NOT MATTER OR EXPLAIN THEMSELVES

I WILL STILL COVER THEM ALL BECAUSE SOMETIMES THERE ARE A FEW CRACKED EGGS IN THE BATCH WHO DO NOT REALLY READ THE TEXT AND DIGEST THE WORDS FOR THEIR MEANING, BUT INSTEAD JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES BECAUSE THEY ARE PRETTY.

YEAH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

To begin, we have Crime.net. This is your online hub to finding a game with other people, or with friends.

Click on that, and find a game. SIMPLE.

If you're the friends-only-type or the host-only-type: Find a job that has no one's name next to it and use that.


EXHIBIT A:


YELLOW SECRETLY MEANS: SPECIAL ♥♥♥♥ THAT GIVES YOU INFORMATION AND LETS YOU SPEND YOUR ♥♥♥♥-MONEY FOR MORE RANDY SAVAGE JOBS OF YOUR CHOICE

Now for our slower clients, it would be explained like this:

CRIME.NET PLAYS THE GAME

CRME.NET OFFLINE PLAYS THE GAME ALONE YOU LONER ♥♥♥♥♥

INVENTORY BRINGS YOU TO THE INVENTORY

SKILLS AND PERKS BRING YOU TO THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ SKILLS AND PERKS

INFAMY - OUT OF YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ REACH LIKE A CHILD MOLESTER STUCK IN A SPACE
CAPSULE, SLOWLY ORBITTING THE UPPER HEMISPHERE AND UH OH WE ACCIDENTALLY PUT A KID IN THERE WITH HIM. THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT WE DO NOT WANT TO HAPPEN. THIS IS THE LAST THING THAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. SOMEONE CALL THE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ NAVY OR SOMETHING HOLY ♥♥♥♥ HELP THAT KID

SAFE HOUSE - LITERALLY NOTHING GOES ON HERE Most of the time. ;];];];];];]

COMMUNITY HIGHLIGHTS - SOME ♥♥♥♥ I DON'T CARE ABOUT

CONTENT UPDATES - MORE ♥♥♥♥ I DON'T CARE ABOUT

GAMEHUB - COME TO DIE HERE

QUIT - YOUR LIFE

Everyone on the same page now? Yes? Good.

Let us keep moving, class.

Upon opening your inventory, you will be met with a plethora of things to choose from. Also, probably a lengthy email from Bain, telling you what to do.

♥♥♥♥ THAT GUY WE DO THINGS MY WAY

FIRST THING IS FIRST YOU NEED TO CHOOSE YOUR ARYAN MASTER RACE CHARACTER.


I CHOOSE JOHN WICK BECAUSE HE'S A WALKING TALKING LEG WARMER WITH A SURFER ACCENT AND STARS IN HIS EYES.

DON'T LET HIM TOUCH YOUR KIDS

At the top, you may have noticed that there is a large red drawing of bread. But not just any bread, that is high quality bread. Baked from the finest red paint tool this side of paint.net

That is also containing the letters of the tabs that are required to look at your different items in PAYDAY 2 #MASTERRACEJOHNWICK #YESTHEWHOLETHING #YESEVERYTIME.

Primary - This is your primary weapons locker. You can store up to 36 weapons in this locker at the time of this being written.

Secondary - This is your secondary weapon locker. You can also store up to 36 weapons in this locker at the time of this being written.

Melee - YOUR MELEE WEAPONS.

Armor - YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ARMOR

Equipment - Related to your skills, but this is basically where you'll be spending a lot of your time

Mask - COME TO DIE HERE. Once you've done enough heists, you'll begin to find masks, materials, patterns and colours to wear and use.

Character - MASTER RACE JOHN WICK

Inventory in a nutshell.

WELCOME TO THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR LIFE. AND ALSO THE LAST PART OF IT.

Skills and Perks are two simple things that are easy to learn, hard to master. Currently in Payday, there are 5 skill trees to choose from. Naturally, this will change as they may add or remove skills or trees in the possible futures ahead.



But wait! What's that over the distance? Is that the holy Red Class Cigar I smell?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DUH IT IS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Payday 2 has five classes. Two of which are similar but with different variants.

Mastermind: The medicinal master of turning enemies into friends, and friends into walking talking bandage monsters. With skills revolving around the health of your friends and the minds of your enemies, You can turn any cop into your very own ♥♥♥♥-burglar.



Enforcer: Serving as the tank of the group, this hulking 400 pound gorilla-man will take damage and deal damage. Utilizing common helpful power tools, such as a high powered grinding saw and shotguns, this slab of meat will turn any barbeque into a real good time for fun and friends.



Did I mention he has a saw? I think I did.

Did I mention it can get you even more money by sawing open things like deposit boxes and ATMS?

BETTER ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ COUNT ON IT

Technician: Currently, my favourite class. With skills involving tech, the Technician is a valuable asset for any crew who wishes to strike fear into the unsuspecting public. Aryan Master Class abilities, such as Drill upgrades, Sentry guns and C4/Tripmines.


C4 may seem useless in a lot of cases, but I am completely serious when I say that it is very useful.

C4 YOURSELF.

Ghost: The Ghost is a master of stealth. His skills revolve around doing stealth and keeping things from getting out of hand. His tool of the trade is the ECM Jammer. It Jams communciations. Who knew.



Fugitive: It is like a Ghost, except louder and more awesome. With the ability to counter attack cloakers, the Fugitive is like a ninja with low self esteem and tiny pistols. His basic equipment is a medkit, which is a one charge, full health restoration pack. However, it does not refresh your "Downs". NO I DON'T MEAN AUTISM.

If you've been incapacitated a few times, you'll want to seek real medical attention from a mastermind.


Again, for our less than intellectual friends:






















































NOW WE TALK ABOUT PERKS. If we gaze back to the cigar of crime and robbery, there is a tab at the top that says PERKS.


Clicking on PERKS will bring you to a NEW MENU WOW!!!!


Perks are passive bonuses that change the game in different ways. The best way to figure out which playstyle you like the best is to simply explore with them and try them out.

THEY'RE LIKE LOLLIPOPS, IN THAT WAY.

Perk points will be given to you when you obtain experience. Depending on your level, the perk points obtained per experience points will change as you level up.

BASICALLY

EXPERIENCE = PERK POINTS

PERK POINTS = GOODIES

♥♥♥♥ YOU

All in all, Payday 2 is simply a game that is fun to enjoy with a few friends. Pop open a can of your favourite liquid, gather your friends and fight obscene numbers of cops.

THE LAST AND FINAL RULE OF PAYDAY IS AS FOLLOWS: IF YOU ENJOY IT, PLAY IT. IF YOU HATE IT, DISCARD AND CONTINUE ONTO OTHER THINGS THAT ARE MORE WORTH YOUR TIME.

LIKE GOAT BREEDING OR DRAWING CIRCLES IN THE SAND THAT DICTATE THE ORBITAL ROTATION OF THE SPACE CAPSULE THAT CURRENTLY HOLDS A PEDOFILE AND ONE INCREDIBLY TERRIFIED 10 YEAR OLD BOY

GOD ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DAMN IT YOU HAD ONE JOB

Here at the Pitch Hiker's guide, we appreciate your cooperation in either completely ignoring or reading the entire guide. This is not like the ones I usually create however. As a change, I created this one in a more serious tone for a slightly more serious crowd. Hopefully I still managed to get a few laughs out there with my obscenely esoteric comedy, and incredible schizophrenia attacks.

I'M LOOKING AT YOU, SAMUEL.

Want to check out my other guides? My Profile is one place where you can find more of my guides that may or may not suck more balls or less balls than this one.

Like what I do here? Feel free to join my extremely un-lively community and get announcements that most of the time are few and far between, but will tell you when I finally get off my lazy ass and CREATE F ART. The Link to my guide group page is below.

http://gtm.steamproxy.vip/groups/HIKENING


Thanks for reading, and don't let the escape van hit you on the way out.