Welcome to this guide on how to drink sodas properly and be efficient. I bought this around the time it dropped, but only recently got around to it. Since the initial release, the game got an update that changed some of the mechanics which, sadly for one's sanity, seems to have broken the game.

I'm a stubborn bastard, so broken game or not I wanted that final achievement and I'm gonna tell you just how I got it without having to cook or clean!

,,,get your mind out of the gutter. And get a better taste in music.

...and soda.

There is no save in this game, which would be handy when the game decides to lock you the hell out because you didn't move your fat sticky from soda fingers off the wasd keys fast enough. This take maybe ten, fifteen minutes, but this issue can make it take forever.

With that aforementioned update and a flaw or two in game design, the game will break if you get caught, and getting caught is beyond easy (especially since the 7down soda doesn't silence anything when drunk). You tap a chain, there's the chef. You smash a box, there's the chef. You fart in the wind, and SOMEHOW there's the chef. And chances are the need to start from scratch,

To avoid this: If you can't defend yourself (camera, blade) LET THE CHEF CATCH YOU! Trust me, will save you a lot of time and frustration in the long run. You get five attempts to escape, but if you just accept your fate sometimes you'll escape by the third.

So your diabetic ass wants to chug soda, get achievements, and escape. Shame. Your meat must taste sweet given your soda intake. So here's how my stubborn ass managed to escape the happy humble homeless chef:

1) Grab the camera (referred to as Polaroid) on the left under the radio. Open the first two white car trunks to get money. Buy two Blue Bull drinks for stamina and press the number key assigned to its slot. Finally oopen the trunk of the white car on the far right and get the flashlight.

2) Go up the stairs behind you (not next to the car with the flashlight) and go around the makeshift wall. Crouch and tap w to slowly go through chains to avoid noise. On a table is a crowbar. Grab it, slowly slink through more chains. Turn off the radio if on.

3) Now race through all three floors and smash every box you can find. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT PICKING STUFF UP YET! Just smashy smashy the boxes and camera flash the chef if he starts getting close. If you picked up a knife, hold onto it for later. If out of cameras, let him catch you (DO NOT MOVE) and start your next attempt.

4) Search all the boxes you broke for fuses (there should be two) and the lockpick. Pick up cameras on first floor if you listened and didn't already. Put the fuses in at the door on first floor to clear inventory, search cars for money and buy more Blue Bull sodas if out.

5) Search red trunks using the lockpick. You should find a fuse in one of them, and a stethoscope in the red trunk by the door with the fuse box on the first floor.

6) Go up the stairs next to said red car and go behind the makeshift wall again. On the right you'll find a safe behind chains. Slow crouch walk through the chains and open the. A fuse should be in there (if not, check other red car trunks and safes throughout the lot) nand insert the fuse into the panel.

7) Profit.

You should have gotten the other four achievements at this point as well. If you followed this guide and didn't die, just go up the stairs to your right to wake the chef until you run out of attempts and lose the game.

This game can be fun, but its more ass thanks to being optimized poorly following the most recent to the time of writing this guide update. The fact your odds of winning go up from actually losing the round to prevent a game breaking bug speaks volumes. And then there's the $4.99 USD price point which is way too much to ask even if this worked right.

But, if done properly and you space out your Blue Bulls, you should escape by the third of your five attempts. I hope like hell this walkthrough (would you consider that an optimized speed run guide?) helps out because if I had to play this one more time with two fuses left only for it to crash my fist was going to go through my laptop's monitor. This hasn't received an update in so long (at the time of writing this) so I doubt the game breaking glitches will get patched out anytime soon.

So until i feel compelled to write another guide, stay safe, and drop some damn flair (or at least a thumbs up so I know I didn't waste my time).