Hello my name is beef and I hate the pole vaulting zombie and I need you to understand why.

The pole vaulting zombie is irrelevant and this is something we need to come to terms with.

Adventure
Pole vaulting zombie is only a threat for one level and then is a complete nonfactor in the rest of the adventure mode. And then once you revisit the level in adventure mode 2 you have the tools to defeat him.

Mini-Games
Is he even in any of the mini games?? EXACTLY!! He may be in them once or twice but nobody remembers that THEY NEED TO GO BACK AND LOOK FOR HIM HE IS SO QUIET AND STUPID!!!

Puzzles
This is the only time I can appreciate Pole Vaulting Zombie slightly. He is useful in I, Zombie but after you finish all 9 levels and get the achievement for endless you hardly ever go back to it and with there not being much challenge for I, Zombie to offer it will usually completed in the first 90 minutes of its discovery.

Survival
Completely irrelevant because you have the arms to deal with him and HIS STUPID, USELESS, IRRELEVANT, DUMB TACTICS.

Its clear that when the zombies say "Brainzz" the pole vaulters get the least amount. I'D BET MORE THAN 90% OF POLE VAULTERS HAVE NOT LOST THEIR BRAIN EATING VIRGINITY!! BECAUSE THEY ARE SO STUPID.

Scenario
Imagine this for me. It's a crisp neighborvilles day and the zombies begin to besiege Crazy Dave's house. Crazy Dave was expecting this however and is able to set up and crude defense to repel the early offensive moves of Zomboss. Zomboss sees crazy dave has one weak row. This row contains a Peashooter, a wall nut, and an underground potato mine.



The lawnmowers have not been readied yet as Crazy Dave waits upon his oil shipment to arrive so Zomboss decides to take action. He sends a browncoat and a pole vaulting zombie a little after giving him time to gain ground un-affected by the peashooter as the browncoat takes the brunt of the force.



The Browncoat eventually succumbs to his wounds and dies and it's up to the pole-vaulting zombie. As he approaches the plants experiencing his first amount of fire from the peashooter he is faced with an option. To either run past the underground potato mine and then get over the wall nut and break through the peashooter line TO FINALLY EAT SOME DAMN BRAINS, or pole vault over the potato mine and get stuck behind the wall nut and eventually succumb to the onslaught put upon you by the peashooter.



You wanna know what option he does with? THE SECOND ONE LIKE THE STUPID IDIOT HE IS STILL IN AN OPPRESSION OF BRAINS. This is only one of the many idiotic situations the pole-vaulting zombie puts himself into.

It is no secret that the pole vaulting zombie is in an obvious lacking of style.

Physical
The pole vaulting showcases his lack of style in his appearance. He is wearing an oversized tank top, he is beginning to show signs balding, and finally he has a nasty under bite.



Mental
I will continue to say this HE IS NOT MENTALLY THERE HE IS A FIT YOUNG TALENTED MAN AND OF ALL THE SPORTS HE CHOSE POLE VAULTING NOT BASKETBALL, NOT BASEBALL, NOT FOOTBALL, POLE VAULTING.. WHO EVEN WATCHES POLE VAULTING.

Now obviously a piece criticizing something cannot be constructive unless it offers a solution to problem at hand. This solution will offer a solution to "Reason #1 - Irrelevance" which pointed at his irrelevance throughout the game.


Mechanic
What if the pole vaulting zombie just had a massive pole and could use it to either jump 3 tiles forward or use it to jump over tall-nuts one tile.

Benefits
The pole vaulting zombie would become useful again AND FEARREEED because he could like just super far into your defenses and possibly weaken a line similar to the gargantuan imps.

Mock Design

This solution will offer a solution to "Reason #3 - Lack of Style" which pointed at his bad fit selection throughout the game. Now the zombies already have Dr Zomboss but who says there can't be two doctors. I PRESENT DR STYLE



not only does he look awesome but he put that ♥♥♥♥ on way better then him in his young athlete days.

I think in conclusion this essay has been able to provide ample evidence to why the pole-vaulting zombie needs to start being discriminated against.


Source https://x.com/polevaultingzmb/status/1464572144231206912