1. Nighthawk encounter
1.1 Cast HOT
1.2 Toss the hot potato to mean birb
1.3 Oh snap, something else coming - run for the hills!

2. Lay low like a coward
2.1 Bow to nice Eagle birb (manners go a long way)
2.2 Take tube
2.3 Read
2.4 Keep
2.5 Thank the birb for help

3. Walk down the road
3.1 Take a look over edge
3.2 Cast fAL (use effete 'f' not stronk F)
3.3 YOLO BRUH!
3.4 Keep yoloing
3.5 Touch grass

1. Stay next to the cliff (we ain't dealing with that thievin' kid)
1.1 Keep hugging the cliff and head north
1.2 When you reach the geysers, ignore the holes
1.3 Christopher Walkin'

2. Broke-ass bridge
2.1 Look at bridge
2.2 Look at crevasse
2.3 BUG!!! RUN!!!
2.4 Go down one blip on the road, then cast LAW
2.5 Giddy up pardner (git on bug's back)
2.6 Go back to bridge
2.7 Keep hugging bug's back

3. Yas Queen lair
3.1 Crouch low (keep huggin the bug's back)
3.2 Wait
3.3. Wait
3.4 Once at Queen's lair, bow (REMEMBER TO SHOW GOOD MANNERS, ALWAYS!!)
3.5 "I am a traveler"
3.6 Queen give ya some of her juice, be thankful, that royal jelly
3.7 Once Queen starts clattering (spell wears off), say 'Thank you' again (REMEMBER YO DAMN MANNERS!!)
3.8 Thank buggy once you git dropped off

4. Broke-ass bridge 2: electric bridgealoo
4.1 Look at bridge
4.2 Cast DOZ (Matrix spell, the slow down spell)
4.3. YEET!!!

1. After yeeting thyself from the bridge, dust yourself off
2. Have a bite
3. Continue north
3.1 DO NOT GO EAST, IT'LL BE CLOSING IN ON NIGHT AND YOU CAN ONLY MEET THE CARAVAN DURING THE DAY!
4. Continue north, cutting across plains (don't need to stick to road)
5. Continue north while it is nightime, you should see a crater coming up
6. Fall into snakepit

7. Snakepit
7.1 Look around
7.2 Feel around
7.3 Say you're going to Mapang
7.4 When asked, reply "I am an Analander"
7.5 Prepare for snake fight
7.5.1 Fight five ♥♥♥♥♥-ass snakes, if you have the Legendary Sword from Part 2 and Sword Armband from Part 1, this'll be cakewalk
7.5.2 After killing five ♥♥♥♥♥-ass snakes, fight the big bad ♥♥♥♥♥ himself (he goes down in two thwacks, no need to bother with defense - just go above 7.5 on the first round, second round keep it up around the 7's and he'll drop like a ton of bricks
7.6 Strip search Snake Charmer corpse
7.6.1 Find holy water

8. Continue along road
9. Oh lawd, something comin!

10. Oh, it's just a weird looking dude
10.1 Look at beard
10.2 Look at cane
10.3 "You can hear me?!"
10.4 "Ima fwiend"
10.5 "Is that your real form?"
10.6 "I seek da big boss crown"
10.7 "It belong to Analand"
10.8 "What do you suggest?"
10.9 Wave her on
10.10 "Something you forgot to give"
10.11 "WAIT A MINUTE!!!"
10.12 "Staff, duh!"

11. Walk south

12. Morning should be breaking, so head south
13. continue heading south till you hit Black Elf Caravan (BEC)
14. Go to south entrance of BEC - BEC won't trigger if you approach from north, for reasons

15. Enter BEC
15.1 When Elder makes dramatic pause, say "Cause you don't want broke ass suckas entering?"
15.2 Y'all laugh
15.3 Go to fire, play Swindlestones if you want - BUT ONLY 2 GAMES! Lil BE dont like losing
15.4 After Swindlestones, go to Trade Cart (TC)

16. BEC TC
16.1 Look at cart
16.2 Enter cart
16.3 First look at 'Scrolls and Books'
16.4 No need for scroll, you already met the Sorceress
16.5 Look at book
16.6 Open book, BUT DO NOT READ THE ZOB SPELL
16.7 Close book
16.8 "How much"
16.9 pay the sucka
16.10 Look at "Magical Items"
16.11 Look at Crystal Ball
16.12 I mean, reeeeeeeally look at Crystal Ball
16.13 PUT IT BACK!
16.14 (Ooohroo brings out pocket watch)
16.15 Look at ring
16.16 Reeeeally look at ring
16.17 Try to jack it
16.18 Cause distraction
16.19 Pick up your own damn shelf you thieven capitalist!
16.20 Cast YAZ
16.21 (VERY IMPORTANT!!!) Steal horn
16.22 Steal pendulum
16.23 RUN!
16.24 Leave camp
16.25 "Your daddy know you out here?"
16.26 Lay some justice down on these thugs (1st dude defends first, and then attacks; 2nd attacker, always attacks)
16.27 RUN!!!

17. Head east
18. Meet dwarf
18.1 Ask what he doin out here by himself
18.2 Take some bread (taste good when hungry)
18.3 Tell him you're a traveler
18.4 Make some idle chit-chat then leave (no need to buy his food, plus, he needs it more than you)

19. Head east, to stone steps
19.1 Hear something in the wind, Listen
19.2 Shake head
19.3 Look around
19.4 Look behind boulder
19.5 "What in the sam hill are you doin?"
19.6 This dude lies, A LOT
19.7 "I mean you no harm"
19.8 Ask what the yellow powder is (better not be yellow cake uranium)
19.9 Take powder
19.10 Take chakram
19.11 Leave

20. Continue up stone steps
21. Look around
22. Screeching
23. MOON SERPENT!!!
23.1 Oh, he look like he needs something warm, cast HOT
23.2 Gib him wut he want, gib him the HOT!!!
23.3 Stab his ass
24. ONE SERPENT DOWN, LESS GOOOOOOO!!!
24.1 GRAB THE ORB!!!!!
25. Do some more sight-seeing
26. JUMP!!!

1. Concentrate on balance (KEEP THE KNEES TOGETHER!)
2. Hit the floor
3. Blimbleberry juice
4. Just keep Christopher Walkin
5. Go south
6. Did I hear something? NO, KEEP WALKING!!!!
7. Keep heading south till you hit the bridge

8. Bridge
8.1. Look at it
8.2 Start climbin it
8.3. Keep climbin
8.4 When you can go no further, rest
8.5 Wake up samurai
8.6 Sight see
8.7 Somethin in the bushes?
8.8 Someone doin the worm?
8.9 FLANKER!
8.10 Choose all the friendly options, make Flanker simp (assuming you're playing as woman, don't know what the male options are)
8.11 Come on bebe, join me
8.12 He run off
8.13 Go back down
8.14 WHERE MY SWORD AT? (Don't worry, you get it back later)
8.15 Go north

9. Keep going north around the top ring of the path
10. Don't pay attention to anything, just keep heading to the green mound in the north

11. Ferrazi's hut
11.1 Knock (ALWAYS MIND YO MANNERS!)
11.2 Go inside
11.3 Look at what she looking at
11.4 "I AM THE GABBA GOO!"
11.5 Sit
11.6 What's wrong with your face?!!?
11.7 Let her tell her sob story about daddy
11.8 Tell her you're hunting drago - I mean serpents, you're hunting serpents
11.9 Ask where they is
11.10 Ask how they do
11.11 "Aint you afraid this one gonna run?"
11.12 Take the orb
11.13 "And the second ask?"
11.14 Say yes to # 2 ask
11.15 Leave

12. Head south
13. At forest house, investigate
13.1 Cast RIZ (I mean Raz)
13.2 Chop down some branches
13.3 Go inside
13.4 Git yo legendary sword back
13.5 Check everything
13.6 Take holy water
13.7 Eat moss (I think there's moss at the house, could be wrong, this is from memory)
13.8 Leave

14. Go south
15. Cat attack, cast HUF
15.1 Stab kitty
16. Go past beacon at lake (YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING AT THIS LAKE. YES THE SSS SPELL IS HERE, BUT YOU DON'T NEED IT)
17. Continue south
18. DON'T STOP FOR NOTHIN
19. Continue south
20. Kitty attack 2 - cast gAK
20.1 Scream at them
21. Continue south
22. Bypass caveman village
23. Head west
24. In field, stop to smell the daisies (BUT ONLY ONCE!)
25. Hug a pole

26. At the pole, listen
27. Knock that pole
28. "WHAT YOU DOIN?!"
29. Ask him what he sees or something
30. Ask him to teach you (after he drops some spit)
31. Pick up and wear sick-ass medallion
32. Cast ZEN
33. Ride the pole
34. Ask him about life
35. Ask him about serpents
36. When he asks you what you think of the view, go Emo and say it's miserable
37. He agrees, Nirvana fan
38. Hug the pole
39. Grab medallion
40. Cast ZEN again, drop to ground
41. Head west

42. Air dragon attack
42.1 Seek shelter
42.2 Grab your backpack
42.3 Dodge left
42.4 Stay down(?)
42.5 Attack ends, but you notice strange markings

43. Follows markings
44. Find 'V' and step around markings to see that it spells out 'Air'
45. Head to cliff
46. Base of cliff, cast ZEN
47. Go up

1. Look around
2. Head out
3. Harpy fight (put the sucka down)
4. Go down the path halfway
5. Look at grave

6. Look at pipe
6.1 Cast RES
6.2 Pour water down pipe
6.3 Walk away
6.4 Something grabbed yo foot
6.5 Help it up
6.6 Keep helping it up
6.7 Damn yu ugly!
6.8 Cast RAP
6.9 'Can you hear me?'
6.10 'You dead!'
6.11 'Seek Archmage' (I think)
6.12 'A teacher?'
6.13 "Im the one from your vision'
6.14 Look at bones
6.15 steal ring
6.16 Continue going south on the stairs (YOU CANNOT GO BACK EAST, GAME WON'T LET YOU GO BACK TO THE OTHER PLAIN)

7. At base of steps, go north
8. Walk by cave, but avoid it, DO NOT STEP FOOT IN CAVE!!!
9. Go to beacon
10. Head south on the plane (AVOID THE ROAD AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, BOI AIN'T STEALING FROM US TODAY!)
11. Go west, back to geysers
12. Continue ignoring the geyser holes
13. At bridge, cast ZIP
14. Walk all the way back to where you fought Moon dragon
15. Jump down into forest like before
16. Go south to bridge
17. Go past bridge, but take the left path!
18. Don't stop till you see red snake

19. Follow red snake
19.1 Approach red snake
19.2. Watch red snake coil itself
19.3. Keep watching
19.4 UH OH!!!
19.5. Climb up tree
19.6 Pound sand on the fool
19.7 Continue pounding sand on the fool
19.8 He ded
19.9 ANOTHER SERPENT, LESS GOOOO!
19.10 Go south

20. When Evil Dead vine come to play with you, cast fIX
21. Continue south
22. When you back on the same plains as the pole, keep heading south towards temple in the bottom left
23. At temple, go to the well
24. Take nap
25. CAVEMEN!
25.1 Oh, they weak, kick their ass, let the third one leave
26. GOOD MORNING!!!!

26. Welly welly welly well
26.1 Look in bucket
26.2 Drop bucket
26.3 Keep lowering it
26.4 Bring it back up
26.5 Kick snakes' ass
26.6 Cast fAL
26.7 Git in bucket
26.8 Lower
26.9 Use chakram to dig gems
26.10 Go back up
26.11 Look at your gems
26.12 I mean, reeeeally look at yo gems
26.13 Go over to other side of temple

27. Check out trapdoor
27.1 Brush aside grass, show indentation
27.2 Press it
27.3 Go downstairs
27.4 Put in plugs
27.5 'Who are you?'
27.6 "What you doin?'
27.7 Search room
27.8 Cast FOF
27.9 Cut chain
27.10 'YO MAN DON'T TOUCH THE DIAL!!'
27.11 "Bruh, I wasn't going to touch dial, lemme heal you'
27.12 "No need to thank me, all in a day's work" (No need to repay)
27.12 Go to the church

28. Go to the temple
28.1 Lean on pillar
28.2 Trust your forcefield
28.3 Fight your way out
28.4 Monk shoves off to gamble and drink

(This was added after the fact, completely forgot it when writing this originally, and too lazy to renumber everything)

A. Go to location just north of stonehenge and to the left of beacon
B. If there is a sign about calling out a god and waiting with eyes closed, you've gone too far north
C. Look at rod
D. start digging
E. Continue digging
F. Keep digging till you have option to grab whistle
G. Take the whistle
H. Head south to stonehenge

29. Stonehenge
29.1 Listen to chant
29.2 'How can you help me?'
29.3 'I want to learn the chant'
29.4 Cast MAG (VERY IMPORTANT!!!)
29.5 Recite incantation, line by line
29.6 Look up at the sky and seeeeeeeee
29.7 Cast JIG
29.8 Give the most cold-blooded mowder to dis hombre
29.9 3 DOWN, LESS GOOOOOO!

30. Now, here comes the annoying part:

31. Either, A) Wait for the Winds of Time to engulf the beacon next to the tower, which can take anywhere from 30 second to a week to do (first time I did this run, I had to wait 47 minutes)

OR

32. If you don't feel like waiting, here is a handy dandy guide to rewriting a piece of code in the save files that generates the Wind of Time on the beacon and which you can reset after you do the leap of faith off the tower: https://gtm.steamproxy.vip/app/445040/discussions/0/154644928860805717/.

I highly recommend this route cause otherwise, this is THE most ♥♥♥♥♥-ass, dumbass thing ever in a videogame that I have ever encountered, and really, should never have been a thing that a player would have to do. So annoying.

Okay, you're all pumped up cause here we go!!! You should be coming on to Day 6 or 7, anyway, you're making excellent timing. Also, I hope you have been making liberal use of your rations since you're about to lose them all!

1. At the top of the beacon tower, cast ZIP
2. Start walking
3. DAMN IT'S COLD!
4. Leap of faith!!
5. Oh snap! My cape can double as a glider?!?!
6. Glide baby!
7. Sploosh
8. Swim to nearest island
9. Drink dat bimbleberry
10. Why it so hot?
11. Stab dat fox!
12. Take its teeth!
13. TAKE ALL THE TEETH!

14. IMPORTANT!!! - Blow the whistle, DO NOT ring the bell. BLOW ONLY DA WHISTLE. You ring the bell, dude throws you into water immediately.

15. Ferryman
15.1 Give money
15.2 "Row yourself"
15.3 "Not on my itinerary"
15.4 "Just a trader"
15.5 "Where they from"
15.6 "They must come from somewhere"
15.7 "What you know about ancient road?"
15.8 Shake ferryman
15.9 Wave away gas
15.10 Cast HUF
15.11 Stab him if he still live
15.12 ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST! RIP!
15.13 Row towards shore of mainland (NO ISLANDS, TINPANG MAINLAND!)

16. When you see bubbles, keep going
17. Go on shore
18. Walk this way
19. Pick up sand
20. Walk that way
21. Go up the trail to the left
22. Rest
23. RUN ♥♥♥♥♥ RUN!!!
24. DODGE LEFT
25. Cast HUF
26. Fall in pit
27. Look around
28. Cast ZEN
28. Once on top, cast HUF
29. Strangle the lil ♥♥♥♥♥
30. 5 DOWN, LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

31. Git in boat
32. Row out onto lake
33. See bubbles
34. DO NOT INVESTIGATE
35. When Water Serpent breaks surface, cast HOT
36. Throw Fire Serpent orb into its mouth
37 "YOU JUST ATE YO BOYFRIEND!"
38. RIP
39. Fire Serpent maaaaaaaaddd
40. Kill his ass
41. THEY ALL DEAD, LESSS GOOOOOOOOO!!!
42. Either keep rowing to the patch of land down south or rest on an island - it dont really matter but if you go down the right side of the Lake, you'll encounter school of fish
43. Cast fIX on fish
43.1 Chop em down
44. Keep rowing till you get to statues on the south shore
45. Cast ZEN
46. Inspect statues BUT DO NOT TOUCH THE BLUE CRYSTAL
47. Aaaaaah, Flanker left us a dagger! <3
48. Walk up road
49. Slip on the shades boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!


By the end of this, it should be Day 8, you'll probably only rested 2 - 4 times in the entire run. The Archmage should not be tipped off at all about your coming and your friendship with Flanker has grown.

Hope this guide was helpful and that you had a good time. Good luck adventurer and safe travels!